DS16 came home drunk at 5am

[Worriedsick89]

Sorry this is a ramble and probably makes no sense but I’ve had no sleep and I’m honestly shaken up. Just don’t know what to do anymore. Posting for traffic.

DS is 16. Went out last night around 8pm, said he was going to play football with a couple mates down the park. He doesn’t go out loads so I thought ok fine, bit of fresh air. Said he’d be back by 10ish.

By 11 I’m calling him – nothing. Texted – ignored. Called again about 12:30 – phone off. Kept checking out the front window like a mad woman. DP’s working away til the end of the week and he’s not even DS’s dad anyway, they don’t get on at all, DS won’t even be in the same room as him half the time. So I was on my own stressing all night. He doesn't live with us anyway.

I was this close to ringing 101 around 4:30am. Then just after 5 the front door opened and he staggered in.

He was out of it. I’ve never seen him like that. Completely gone – slurring, eyes weird, laughing at nothing, barely able to walk. He reeked of vodka and something else I couldn’t even place. Couldn’t focus on anything I was saying. He just kept going “I’m fine” then nearly falling over. I had to practically drag him upstairs, he could barely get his shoes off.

He’s been in bed all day. It’s nearly 5pm now. He’s got up a few times to throw up, looks pale as anything, sweaty, shaky, not really with it. He keeps saying he’s ok but he’s not. Not like any hangover I’ve ever seen.

As far as I know he’s never taken drugs before. Might’ve had a few drinks here and there but he’s never come home like this.

Bit of background – he’s been difficult for a long time. Got booted out of school in year 10 after refusing to go in for weeks. Was meant to do home ed but that was a total waste of time, he just refused point blank. Tried him at one of those 14+ colleges that takes early leavers, thought maybe something more hands-on would help – lasted about 3 or 4 weeks then got kicked out again for not turning up and mouthing off.

Now he’s at home 24/7. Sleeps all day, up all night online. He’s obsessed with his phone, I’ve caught him watching proper nasty porn – not just normal stuff, like violent. I blocked the adult stuff on the WiFi and he exploded. Screaming at me, throwing stuff, called me a perv, smashed his controller. Didn’t speak to me properly for days. But he found a way round it anyway, hotspotting off his phone. I just can’t keep up.

He’s angry all the time. Slams doors, shouts in my face, gets right up close like he wants to intimidate me. Punched a hole in his wardrobe.

Doesn’t have any real friends anymore, just people on Snapchat and Discord. Always hiding his phone, I don’t know who half of them are. Sleeps odd hours, eats junk, and just sort of floats through the days.

I’ve tried getting help – rang the GP last year, but he refused to go in. Tried CAMHS, he told them to piss off on the phone and hung up. Youth support won’t deal with him unless he asks for it, and he just won’t.

I’m properly starting to worry about his mental health. There’s been signs for a while but no one wants to listen unless he’s the one asking for help, and he won’t.

But this morning… this was something else. I’ve never seen him like that. He looked… like someone I didn’t know. And now today he’s still sick, still not with it. I’m honestly scared.

Would IBU to try take him to A&E?? I don’t even know if they’d do anything. And he’ll probably go mad if I try and drag him there. But what if I don’t and it gets worse?

He needs a good sleep and a kick up the arse, sitting 12 hours in an A&E waiting room with a hangover is not going to make him feel any bloody better

Quite, "banana bag" for drunk people are fun in Grey's Anatomy, but helping someone to get over their hungover quicker is the very last thing A&E need.

I don't know if I should be amazed or shacking my head at all these posters who think a hungover should be resolved after a couple of hours 😂

So 5am this morning...12 hours later. He'll start to recover soon.

Hopefully it'll scare some sense into him.

Clearly the ones who think a glass of wine of an evening is debauchery and needs a referral to the AA

He needs some routine and structure- college or work and no access to online unless he’s in communal areas of the house. No phone at all.
Counselling/support group. A hobby to give him some enjoyment.
No idea how you achieve it though I really feel for you

You’re starting to worry about his behaviour? WTF OP? How did he manage to get to this point in the first place? This is incredibly worrying.

Maybe try some electrolytes. The tablets are good . Hydration is probably his biggest problem at the min.
May make him feel bit better

That aside, OP, no point trying to discuss anything with your son for a good 48h.
He's too deep into his own misery to process anything.

If has difficulty breathing, is sizing and his skin turns blue (low temperature) then yes of course seek urgent medical advice, but according to your description, he's currently very drunk. Ask him if he remembers what time he stopped drinking? he might remember, unlikely but he might.

You know your son. If you think it is more than a "normal" hangover and you hink he may have taken some serious drugs then I think you should ring 111. You are on your own and need some support and advice.

Me too. I've had hangovers where I can't keep anything down for 24 hours and feel shit for even longer (although not since my menopause, which was an unexpected blessing).

Why can't you take his phone off him? Take his keys from him too so if he goes out he knows he can't get back in until you are there. No gaming equipment unless it's earned.
Many years ago, when i had a rebellious time at 14, my parents locked all the windows and doors so I couldn't sneak out at night!
Could you say he gets some privileges each time he willingly goes to see a counsellor?
Hide any money and cards so he can't access them.

Ignore the nasty comment about not mothering him well. These kind of comments come from people with no life experience of having difficult teenagers.

Children and young people are not all the same. If he has become addicted to porn (most mainstream porn is very violent by the way) - you need to do more than block it you need to talk to him and be very clear that he needs help.

When I was his age I was out a lot raving taking drugs and drinking and yes I got into this sort of state. Sounds like he has alcohol poisoning.

He probably doesn't need A and E but you could try if you are really worried. He needs rehydration sachets.

Look up a website called Shore - run by the Lucy Faithful Foundation OP for help with the porn.

Also recommend CAPA first response. You need professional help, they will not be telling you to toughen up btw, that’s outdated and not evidence based . There’s lots you can do. Hang in there x

no phone and a hobby? what sort of advice is that for the parent of a really difficult teenager?

How on earth would she remove a phone from a young man bigger than her and make him take up line dancing??

I think he's hungover. Get some cans of original coke in and pop them open now. Once he can keep tiny sip of water down and the coke is flat they will help.

This mother of all hangovers may at least make him think twice before getting into such a state again.

Bigger issue is the being out of school, being violent, lack of positive friendships and watching violent porn.

What does he have in his life that is positive? Did he ever enjoy football, martial arts, music? Keep trying with local youth support services, this kid needs something.

I would definitely call 111 for advice. I hope he learns from this and accepts your help.

Unpopular opinion but I would take him to A&E, he will probably be given a MH assessment in there and be referred for some support. Something needs to be done. It's absolutely shocking that no services are helping.

That's definitely a hangover. He's probably had a bit of weed and it's made it worse.
I would take his phone now while he's in no state to fight over it. He needs a kick up the arse before it gets worse

This. I feel like I’m going mad. There’s clearly something traumatic that happened with his dad, she’s now confronted the boy with a partner he doesn’t get on with but has to coexist with, for years at that, and OP doesn’t know why he goes of the rails? Is this for real?

Have you had a referral to children’s services yet? It sounds like you might need some intervention from a team who hopefully won’t say ok when he tells them to piss off but will keep trying to engage him.

Take him out for something to eat. Pick somewhere you need to drive to. Chat while you drive. Make sure it’s a bit of a drive away so you can talk. Teenagers talk (in my experience) when they’re in the car and they don’t feel confronted.

@Aprilrainagainagain I don’t think he’s in the right state for a nice drive and a chat over a Maccies ffs.
He's vomiting and incoherent.
Second what PP said about electrolytes and if no luck with them call 111/ go to ED. He’s still a child

OP do you think he could have alcohol poisoning?

If you are worried, don’t take medical advice from a bunch of people on the internet and speak to 111 or if it is alcohol poisoning he will need to be monitored. But definitely speak to a professional. He is underage and so it will affect him differently to an adult.

He doesn't need "support", he needs a kick up the backside. No service can help anyone that won't help themself.

Good idea, you can get them from Home Bargains OP.