To think it is upsetting to be unfriended and blocked on Facebook no matter how rational we are about it?

[TrayGertie]

I friend requested some of my old school friends on Facebook and one woman who sat next to me in quite a few subjects initially accepted my friend requests then but has now blocked me! I’m baffled by this anx no matter how rational I try and be about it it’s upsetting

AIBU?

Eh?

I think its fine to feel it but not fine if you cant get over it swiftly. And if you cant - why is that? And how are you going to improve your selfesteem so friendship with what is a stranger now, doesnt impact you

Grow up.

I understand why it might feel like a rejection. I mean, it is a rejection. However, I’ve no idea why you would care?

The people who I went to school with who I wanted to stay in touch with, I’ve stayed in touch with. The rest - fuck ‘em.

I’d think about why you care what this random person thinks of you and why that should have any bearing on your happiness.

I was over the moon to find my old best friend on facebook. We were best friends all through primary school, and for a few years of secondary until I moved and we eventually lost touch. I sent her a friend request and she didn’t accept it. It was years ago now but it still upsets me a bit, especially as we have loads of mutual fb friends. I used to have sleepovers at her house every weekend and go on holiday with them. I was hurt, but mostly I’m just baffled!

I was randomly unfriended and blocked on facebook by my old boss. I had no idea why so I text her and asked if I had done something to upset her. She said I hadnt done anything and it was a mistake. This was a couple of years ago, she never sent a new request but it’s only Facebook, we see each other regularly, text each other and get on really well. How many so called Facebook friends do you actually see, I’d rather have the friendship me and my old boss have than a superficial facebook friendship. If you consider this person a friend and are genuinely shocked, message or call them.

Ah thanks for this - this actually helps me feel better about the whole thing

It's really not! 'Telling it like it is' is NOT a positive trait, or a strength. It's just an excuse to be offensive and rude. I avoid people like this like the plague. I have no idea why the 'tell it like it is' brigade think anyone cares about their vapid opinions. Or why they think they're clever and special for being obnoxious and rude, and that their unpleasant trait is a 'strength.' 🙄

Why do you care so much about a woman you haven’t seen or heard from in what, 20/30 years?

Because I guess being a lot older, we might have found common ground and reminisced about the good times? I don't think Facebook is that deep! I wasn't looking for a bosom buddy.

ETA: Or did you mean the second one? Different as we were FB friends and I ditched her because of her bad behaviour towards a lot of people I count as good friends. She chose to believe it was because she was with a woman. Who she'd been with for a good while. I see now the thread's about sending requests then ditching people, which this isn't. But it's quite cathartic.

Telling it like it is really can be a strength though, honesty can be really important and helpful.

Like a PP I was very unhappy at secondary school, I no longer live in that area and for my mental health I am better off not having any contact with people from this time. This doesn't mean that I blame each and every person from that time and place, it just makes me feel terrible.

Ah sorry to hear this ❤️

but I think your attitude is very wise

I really liked all these people when I saw them regularly. I’d be happy to bump into them in the street….I don’t want to see their posts on my timeline.

You can unfollow or mute so you don’t though. Now if you bump into them it’ll be awkward bc they’ll likely feel awkward/confused and maybe resentful or upset because you unfriended them

This is the problem with living your life through the prism of social media. People getting upset over things that are really not worth getting upset over, like being unfriended/unfollowed.

It's far healthier just to not bother with it at all. I deactivated my Facebook account years ago, but still use Messenger for keeping in touch with a few people. That's all you really need - and means you don't see all the usual rubbish that is posted on there.

Personally, I find myself much happier no longer taking part in the daily competition of who's life is the best.

Good call

D’you remember around 2010 though when messenger was physically part of Facebook and you couldn’t use it separately?

I wouldnt feel in the least awkward and I’d be astonished if any of them had noticed or were the least bit bothered.

Social media isn’t real life. It a communication system, it’s not reflective of actual relationships.

Think of it this way: if you sent me birthday cards with obscene jokes on the front I wouldn’t put them on my mantelpiece. Doesn't mean I don’t like you or appreciate the that you remembered my birthday - it just means our sense of humour is different and I don’t want to display yours in my house.

People who don't have fb have got it right.
This unfriending and blocking and talking about it is so pathetic.

Even more hurtful when it's your own family who unfriend you.

Its hit a nerve for you. Explore why you take being blocked so seriously when you have not done anything to her. The problem must be on her part yet you’re the one ruminating.

h many people have accepted compared to this one person who inexplicably blocked you

That’s an interesting take re the birthday cards. I can totally see your point.

I guess if there was no way of not seeing the posts made by these friends on your newsfeed I would completely agree. But if you tap ‘unfollow’ you never have to look at another post from them again, unless you click their profile. And you remain ‘fb friends’.

I guess to some ppl it matters more than to others. Some ppl wouldn’t care either way and give it zero headspace, others would become self reflective and perhaps anxious that they’d done something wrong or that their friend didn’t like them any more, as ‘un-friending’ is a proactive thing that requires an actual physical action to do, and is obviously done for a specific reason.

Just ignoring someone’s posts achieves the same or similar goal but takes away any negative feelings that may affect the person you like but want to see less of online.

Facebook can be weird. I met a girl two years ago same primary school. Lovely catchup but fizzled as quick. I dont know op just people can be flaky. Sometimes friends just run their course too

Yes you are right and unfollowing would save potential hurt feelings.

That is perhaps what I’d do if a close friend, who I see regularly, who I knew was overly sensitive and likely to be hurt by being unfriended.

But an old schoolfriend I haven’t seen in person for many years and who I might not even recognise in the street? It wouldn’t ever occur to me that they’d care.

And harsh though it may sound, it’s really not my responsibility to baby the feelings of people I haven’t seen for decades.

The world would be in rather less bother if everyone worked in developing their resilience levels

I think you need to work on your confidence ..this really is such a non issue to be getting worked up about, really it is.

My DH had a big bust up with his mother (years of history). I'm the one that has tried to keep up contact with her for her and our DCs sake. Who does she now block at every avenue? Me. 🙄 Some people just can't be helped.