Unhappy at my DP for his actions at DS christening

[ConfusedChix]

So DS was christened 2 weeks ago and I am still fuming. It would be a long rant to put in every micro detail but don’t want to drip feed either so bear with me and I will try and get my points across. Basically there are 3 main things that have upset me:

1. DS was whisked off me fairly early on in the party after the ceremony by DSIL and then not long after some of my side started to leave. Hence lots of pics of DS with DP’s friends and family but very little with mine. I think in all honesty some of my friends may have left early because they couldn’t get a look in so may as well go home and be comfy on their sofa kinda thing. I am embarrassed and wish I had stood up to DSIL who pressured me in to handing DS over saying Auntie needed to have a hold and mummy was being mean monopolising him.

2. both my DM and DMIL have recently passed. We had pics of them both there as grandparents to my DS. I found out after the event that DP and DFIL had taken some nice pics of them with DS and DMIL but didn’t think to take any of DS with my DM nor put it on my radar that I may want to do the same. I didn’t think of it at the time in all honesty because things were busy as they are when you are hosting anything but now feel a horrible guilt that my DM was a poor side event whereas DMIL had a lovely fuss made of her and the photos are always there for my DS to see, and do not include my DM.

3. Myself and DP have recently got engaged. I have been engaged 4 times previously in previous failed relationships which I am embarrassed about and DP knows that, but hey life doesn’t always go to plan for all of us hey and things happen. However, he had many drinks at DS’s christening and was pretty drunk and made a very disparaging comment to me at the end of the day when everyone had left apart from his family and referred to me being engaged a number of times as a sort of put-down to shut me up. I felt humiliated and went silent and luckily I think the others realised my discomfort and so nothing further was said but I am still upset at him for doing this and using this against me in a public forum in front of all his family when mine had all gone.

I am struggling to get past all this and have cried for days afterwards. I have no enthusiasm for DS’ christening cards or anything like that as I just feel they are reminders of what was a horrible day for me.

i feel that it was basically DP’s party for his family and friends and they celebrated and me and my family/ friends just came along for the ride.

AIBU??? Please tell me if I am as I want to get past this but am struggling.

Make it 5 times.

“Mummy’s being mean”
Did your SiL really say that?
As well as your DPs horrible comment, do you really want to be related to this family, who seem unable to be nice or even basically respectful?

Sorry for your loss, OP.

it sounds like your fiancé has form for drinking too much, failing to put you first and putting you down, so I don’t blame you for not wanting a wedding any time soon.

He needs to understand that he hurt you and shouldn’t do it again. If he doesn’t get this then it’s hard to see further commitment.

And that is the way they will always be and your fiance will always side with them or passively let them. If that is the life you want then crack on but if not something has to change and its unlikely to be them. Will you as a self proclaimed people pleaser be able to continually hold your boundaries with no support? Think carefully about what you decide.

Being engaged four times (and now five) does sound a bit funny. It was a running joke on Gavin and Stacey.

From your posts, OP, you don't sound like a people pleaser. You criticise other people for not thinking of you all the time and you boast that you always consider others. Only, your Fiance too has lost his mother recently as has your SIL. You are not overly charitable towards her. It might be worth thinking about how your bereaved SIL feels.

Get a grip OP. If you wanted certain photos you should have said. Babies get passed around at christenings. And crying for days over such a trivial thing is abnormal .

This happened to me at my sons christening. My MIL took my son from me and refused to let me hold him when he was screaming. In my house, in front of everyone. I remember so clearly thinking if I do not stand up to this woman now I never will and I literally grabbed him from her arms, the room went silent and my son stopped crying. I do not regret my actions but I was so cross at that point. They possibly sense your reluctance to stand your ground and people pleasing but it's your baby so don't be afraid to be assertive. If they or your partner don't like it tough shit. I know from my experience i put some distance/boundaires up and since then (2 years ago) I have had no issues. Up until that point it was constant taking the children, undermining me etc. It can be very waring and plays on your mind, but it won't play on theirs!
Sorry for the loss of your mother, I'm sure it was an emotional day. Your partner needs to man up, leave him in doubt you will not accept this behaviour. Don't be hard on yourself xx

My dd's great uncle highjacked my dd for the entire christening, I thought it was lovely and she had the time of her life

I still think a better photographer would have picked up on the situation if there were photos of their mothers present & 1 side asked for shots including them. So fundamentally it's on them not the partner/in laws to "put the idea in her mind" but the photographer to read the situation & offer

If you have been engaged 4 times, how many times have you been married?

I don’t think there is any meanness in this thread at all towards SIL. I really like my SIL and I know how devastated she was about losing my MIL. I have simply said I felt pressured in to handing him over when really I wanted to walk around with him and introduce him to everyone there but that says more about me than her to be honest. I should have spoken my own mind. I am merely saying facts about how it was, absolutely nothing negative about my SIL. She is very lovely but a much stronger character than I am.

Exactly, you as mum get to cuddle them all the time, christenings are a good time for others to get to see them.