Unhappy at my DP for his actions at DS christening

[ConfusedChix]

So DS was christened 2 weeks ago and I am still fuming. It would be a long rant to put in every micro detail but don’t want to drip feed either so bear with me and I will try and get my points across. Basically there are 3 main things that have upset me:

1. DS was whisked off me fairly early on in the party after the ceremony by DSIL and then not long after some of my side started to leave. Hence lots of pics of DS with DP’s friends and family but very little with mine. I think in all honesty some of my friends may have left early because they couldn’t get a look in so may as well go home and be comfy on their sofa kinda thing. I am embarrassed and wish I had stood up to DSIL who pressured me in to handing DS over saying Auntie needed to have a hold and mummy was being mean monopolising him.

2. both my DM and DMIL have recently passed. We had pics of them both there as grandparents to my DS. I found out after the event that DP and DFIL had taken some nice pics of them with DS and DMIL but didn’t think to take any of DS with my DM nor put it on my radar that I may want to do the same. I didn’t think of it at the time in all honesty because things were busy as they are when you are hosting anything but now feel a horrible guilt that my DM was a poor side event whereas DMIL had a lovely fuss made of her and the photos are always there for my DS to see, and do not include my DM.

3. Myself and DP have recently got engaged. I have been engaged 4 times previously in previous failed relationships which I am embarrassed about and DP knows that, but hey life doesn’t always go to plan for all of us hey and things happen. However, he had many drinks at DS’s christening and was pretty drunk and made a very disparaging comment to me at the end of the day when everyone had left apart from his family and referred to me being engaged a number of times as a sort of put-down to shut me up. I felt humiliated and went silent and luckily I think the others realised my discomfort and so nothing further was said but I am still upset at him for doing this and using this against me in a public forum in front of all his family when mine had all gone.

I am struggling to get past all this and have cried for days afterwards. I have no enthusiasm for DS’ christening cards or anything like that as I just feel they are reminders of what was a horrible day for me.

i feel that it was basically DP’s party for his family and friends and they celebrated and me and my family/ friends just came along for the ride.

AIBU??? Please tell me if I am as I want to get past this but am struggling.

Why?

Agreed.

You could have taken him back

1+ 2 Yabu.

Your friends sound petty too if they left because they weren't patient enough to wait a bit longer.

You can't blame your DP about the photos, he at least thought about his mother but you didn't even think about yours.

1. Is there anything good about him?

You need to start standing up for yourself in the moment. No point dwelling on things afterwards and being miserable. Speak up straight away where you need to. Don't put the blame on others if you allow yourself to be pushed to the side.

Really?

You're too passive op.

I've been engaged 4 times also and we just laugh that I'm the runaway bride.

To use it as a put down is wrong though.

Well it’s either regular bad choices of partner or they are the bad choice that puts on a good persona to get that far then the mask slips.

Unless we get into black widow territory where the Fiancés always meet their demise.

Op, invite some of your family and friends around for a pleasant afternoon with just your side, cuddle your baby. Take a photo with your mum. Tell your do his role is to support and if he’s drunk he will have to leave as you won’t be humiliated by him.

Yes, what would 'sting' about it?

Another one for this.

I think you should be happy that your baby is so loved that people are fighting over time with him. He sounds like a lucky boy!

I'm sure your friends weren't offended as most people outside of immediate family aren't really desperate to see/spend time with babies who are all alike and quite boring 😃

As for the photos with your mum - you can still do loads of those now. What's stopping you?

The comment was shitty though, but I wouldn't break a 5th engagement over it.

All that might be true but assuming the OP didn't hide her 'past' when they got engaged it seems totally unreasonable to subsequently hold it against her. If he didn't like it, he didn't need to become number 5.

Pay attention to how much alcohol you have at family functions. Too much often spoils it for everyone.
You were upset, and all the other people seeing your hurt were upset too.

Agree completely. Add to that the drunken father and it’s all a bit of a mess.

First 2 point YABU. Seriously.
You want your kids back, you get your kids back. Your friends likely left because christenings are boring, not because he wasn't there with you.
It's not on your partner to give you ideas about photos.
3, sounds like you're super sensitive about it. Maybe he meant to be funny, maybe he was being an arse, hard to say.

" no way do I want to plan a wedding now as I don’t want anything similar to happen at the wedding "

I would have thought that something similar happening at your wedding is the least of your worries. What about what happens in the years following the wedding?

I think you are being over sensitive on all 3 points.

nothing wrong with being a fifth time engaged. I was married , then divorced, proposed to 3x, one I said no right away, one i said yes but spent the next month knowing , that no matter how lovely he was (and he really was in every sense of the word) he did not want any children and as I had a daughter, who he was kind to, was very obvious that being with a mum, was not his first choice. So I ended it. Then, Himself came along. A single father to two boys, loved me, loved my daughter and adopted her. that was over 20 years ago, and he annoys the fuck out of me sometimes, but right now, sitting right across from me, having a coffee and bitching about trump. Would not change him for the world. There is NO SHAME @OP for being engaged several times. You did not marry as it was not right, and traditionally , that is what an engagement period is for. Head held high OP

I personally see humour at someone else’s expense as a gigantic red flag (especially with an audience, not some playful teasing between you two at home) and it would immediately put me off. My brother is like this (especially drunk) and we don’t speak.

My partner also gets overly excited with an audience and overshares but doesn’t roast like that. I don’t think I’d be able to cope as I’d be extremely put off.

also @ConfusedChix , tell him that the fact so many men wanted to marry you, makes you a great catch!!!!

I hope the reason that you didn’t get to see your baby wasn’t because you were busy hosting alone while dp was having fun with his family!
And as for the humiliating comment about four failed engagements I think I would have had to say something along the lines of making it five… Twat!
More resilience and standing up for yourself in the future definitely. How about a wedding with just two witnesses? Eliminate the party aspect if that’s what you want.

I don't think yabu for being upset. It must have been really hard especially after losing your mum recently. Your DH has probably got too drunk because it was hard for him too (not an excuse, just maybe a reason that could help you move past it?).

Also, if he is secretly a dick don't marry him out of fear of it being 5. I'd rather 20 failed engagements than a shitty marriage.

I agree

People, don’t leave christenings because the baby is being held by someone on the ‘other side’.