To not want to host dh's brother's family alone

[Plumedenom]

Dh is a hobby musician. He signed up for this big concert thing that involves days off and a week of practice beforehand until 1am. We have two kids so that means I'm dealing with everything in terms of childcare and food etc for the week. Fine, ok, it's not every week, but still, it means this week I've been the one doing all the dentist appointments, packed lunches, taxi driving etc, everything. Today he tells me his brother is coming this weekend to see the concert . He and his wife and daughter are all going to pile into our house and stay for the whole weekend while he is NOT AROUND because he is practicing for the evening concerts from early morning until night. AIBU to think he should have told them to book accomodation? We have one tiny spare bedroom so their daughter will be on the sofa. I have no desire to host on my own but I haven't been given any choice in the matter. It's apparently my duty because my parents come to stay (they come to stay because I moved to his home country, and I'm always there when they come to stay). No idea what I want from this thread.

Sounds like an affair not a concert 😅

If you like your inlaws put them up do something nice and make the best of it.

If you dont like them, take you kids out in the car on a day trip to a theme park or off to see your parents or whateve.
If your DH (dickhead husband) can unilaterally make plans I don't see why you can't too...

Can’t they look after themselves? Just inform them you’d already made plans so can’t host but they are welcome to stay. You are married with kids though, unless he regularly pulls this trick I don’t think it’s a huge deal that he’s invited his family over to his home for something that’s important to him.

You think it sounds like he’s invited his whole family over while he’s having an affair to see a made up concert that he won’t have practiced for?

The laughy emoji indicates my lack of seriousness

It's totally unreasonable OP.

Could you and your children book into a hotel for the weekend - with your H footing the bill of course?
Then his brother's family could stay at your house and they, and your H make sure it's cleaned and tidied and food restocked when they leave.

I agree with @Lafufufu. You don't have to stick around. They can entertain themselves, if you don't ordinarily get on with them.

It’s one weekend really don’t see the issue

they are your bil and sil and niece

coming to watch their brother /uncle

are you not watching dh at this important event for him

I would make myself extremely busy and unavailable to host.

I think I’d tolerate it given it’s a concert and clearly important to him. Going forward, I’d consider an Airbnb for them. Having a couple-your parents-staying is a bit different if they just go in the spare room. Having someone in the lounge is a pita and very limiting-does everyone have to vacate the room for her bedtime?

I couldn’t see one, this website is being really slow for me today though so it probably didn’t load for me.

I think this depends on your relationship day to day.

if you have a good marriage and he’s normally on your team, then I’d suck this up, assuming he is very well aware he owes you big time for this

if he normally just ploughs through doing whatever he wants (the nice guy whilst actually leaving everything to his wife) leaving you running around like a headless chicken, I’d be having serious thoughts about the future.

Just say you can as you already have plans.

Id just say no they need to get a hotel.

It’s only one weekend 🤷🏼‍♀️. You don’t have to entertain them, just give them the spare key and let them crack on.

I think what has really angered me is my absolute lack of choice in the matter. I do get on with them ok. I don't like having people staying in my house, even my own parents. I would have been fine if he had been around at the weekend, but to just leave me with them for two full days just seems so unfair. I know they are coming to see the concert but can't people just spend a couple of hundred quid and get an air BnB? I'd never want to couch surf at their house. We are in our forties and fifties and not poor..

Could you go away for the weekend and take the kids to see your parents?

It’s only nine weekend. I think he should have discussed it with you first though. Why do they need to stay the entire weekend - surely nine night would be fine and make things more tolerable?

I think you should contact the family coming, make sure they know what to expect in terms of the space available, and say you are on your own for that time so please can they be prepared to muck in and help make a meal for the Saturday night for everyone, you're sorting breakfast, and given it's a bit crammed in the house and poor weather here are suggestions of things they can do out of the house during the day which do they fancy. it's a nuisance but you can take charge of it and make it less so

Definitely do NOT do this. Go to a hotel. He can explain matters, not your problem.

Your husbands brothers family? Eg your family? I wouldn't think anything of it.

He moans when your parents come and then he springs this on you. I'd probably host but be pissed off with him. tbh I'd probably be pretty fed up with the whole pretending to be Eric Clapton thing anyway - I'm assuming this is his mid-life crisis shtick?

It's very definitely NOT your husband's place to decide any such thing for you, and you must not let him away with it or he will continue to be a rude, entitled arsehole. Nobody else's opinion or feelings on the matter are relevant, you don't want to do it - so do not do it.

Don’t you want the cousins to get to know each other? It seems most people agree with you but it’s only a weekend. It’s his home too.

I would let them stay but take care of themselves including food. Don’t do any extra cleaning than you do normally as that should be his job…

My -now ex but much later- , did this to me very early on in the relationship and I did it but made it very clear it was never to happen again, and it didn’t. I absolutely get that it’s the lack of discussion that’s the issue. Mine had invited his friends a couple who I’d never met to stay for the weekend, fine, but then casually mentioned he’d organised golf on both days with the bloke. He was actually quite surprised by how cross I was, which is strange because how dare he decide what I had to do with my time.