Dr telling teen they’re unusual for not doing drugs

[TheHarshTruth]

The conversation went like this…

’Do you smoke?’

’No.’

’Do you drink alcohol?’

’Only a little bit of wine sometimes with my parents at dinner.’

’Do you take drugs?’

’No. Never.’

’Well you’re very unusual. Most kids your age (17) are off doing ecstasy every weekend.’

I do understand that he was probably trying to create a space where it felt OK to confess to dabbling in drugs. But would a lot of teens not take from this, ‘Even a qualified doctor seems to expect me to take drugs, so perhaps I’ll try some next time I’m offered! Seems like it actually is quite acceptable to do them, nevermind what school and my parents say.’

AIBU?

Sounds like an (clumsy) attempt at humour, to lighten the atmosphere. I’m not sure anyone would take that as an endorsement of taking ecstasy.

Were you present during this app?

Don’t be ridiculous. A teen that hasn’t and doesn’t want to take drugs isn’t suddenly going to decide that they will because a doctor joked most do. Surely he knows other 17 year olds have done?

It sounds like typical awkward humour and not "go and do drugs"

IF this happened, the doctor is a dick, but no, I don’t think a teen would take it as some sort of endorsement. Most teens are not taking ecstasy, never mind taking it every weekend.

I mean... no. 17 year-olds who don't take drugs aren't going to decide to start taking them on the basis of a stupid, inappropriate remark by a gp. The doctor sounds like an idiot though.

I do get what you’re saying. I felt the same about teenage sex as the school went on about how we should be practising safe sex all the time that I felt I should be doing it at 14-15! The teenage pregnancy rates at the time were huge as well so I don’t think it worked but made people feel like they should be doing it when maybe they would have abstained

I was the 17 year-old. It did make me feel like, ‘Oh no, this is yet another way in which I am different and don’t fit in very well.’

Yes I definitely relate to this!

Ya, I'm with you. I wouldn't like to hear a doctor say that myself. Id focus on your son if I were you. Tell him in a sentence or two 'what world is he living in, all teenagers don't do drugs'. And leave it there. Even if teenagers don't seem like they are hearing your opinion. They are, whether it's good or bad. There will always be people saying various things to him, hopefully he's smart enough to see through that

I mean , yes and no. No, because the wording was very clumsy and it was inappropriate.

Yes, because a kid that’s a good kid and has no interest in these kind of things, won’t suddenly start because a GP said some stupid stuff.

I think it was a way of allowing him to confess if he really did take drugs but didn't want to be in trouble for admitting it to the doctor. Basically the doctor saying it's OK to tell me the truth (I've heard it all) even if your parents don't know.

Agree it was a stupid thing to say.

and tbh, pretty inaccurate - twenty years ago yes but teens these days ARENT much into drinking and drugs anymore - its been pretty extensively documented! It's very common for them to be very health oriented instead.

I'm surprised the Dr didn't ask about vaping, its the most potentially health affecting habit among teens these days. Can't remember when I last saw someone under 20 actually smoke a cigarette.

Plus even if he had tried those things that's not even what the doctor was asking - I had tried smoking and drugs by 17 but trying them once or twice isn't going to be of any relevance to whatever he's going to to the doctor for, so why ask? I doubt many 17 year olds are serious drinkers or take drugs to such an extent it would already have a serious impact on their health.

So really just a bit of weird questioning all around.

But the doctor was wrong. Most 17 year olds are not using ecstasy every weekend. Look up the stats, you are actually with the majority by not using it so in that way you do ‘fit in’. And you are also part of the sensible group not putting shit in your body.

Yes I'd see it as quite a dated comment. I have teens...it's all about the gym and protein shakes nowadays rather than trying to sneak into nightclubs and take ecstasy.

tbh, pretty inaccurate - twenty years ago yes but teens these days ARENT much into drinking and drugs anymore - its been pretty extensively documented! It's very common for them to be very health oriented instead.

DD says she was asked the same during her ADHD assessment. They even rephrased it as "Do you take drugs at all? No? What about weed, then, do you use that?" (No, she doesn't; solid family reasons.)

So it does still seem to be an assumption.

That's a you problem, if you are unable to hear the phrase "most people x, y or z" without making it about you.

Some of them do have weird ways of saying things. I was once told 'you should be having the best sex life ever at your age' when I said I was currently not sexually active as I didn't have a partner. I wasn't a minor but still thought it was a bit personal.

'That's a you problem' isn't really the best way to encourage young people to make positive choices though, is it? 17 year-olds still need support and guidance. What they don't need is authority figures making lame, unprofessional jokes to sound as if they're 'down with the kids'.

As an adult you can see the Dr was making it okay for you to confess to anything relevant. As a teen you were a little bit self absorbed and dramatic, as a lot of teens are. Instead of reflecting on this as thinking the Dr was wrong, you can reflect and see how much you've grown up and now realise it isn't all about you. Did it make you do drugs? It doesn't sound like it, it sounds as if you are casting about for ways you might have been hard done by, which is a cycle to break.

Your right that the Dr was using humour to try to let you know that you wouldn't be in trouble if you said that you did any of those things. But no, of course they weren't encouraging the behaviour - they were identifying it as a relatively typical teen experience.

Sometimes people just say silly things, and you can let that go. Not every throwaway comment needs to prompt a detailed autopsy of the possible consequences. I find it very unlikely that a Dr saying experimenting with drugs is a reasonably typical teen behaviour would be the thing that tipped someone over into a life of addiction.

Was this recent, are you 17 now? I was answering as if you were an adult looking back

Just me that thinks it's good the Dr asked even if a little clumsily & awkwardly (not to mention incorrectly)? If your son had answered yes then the Dr could have signposted him to place to educate of safe use, etc. Things to watch out for & so on.

Is far far FAR better & safer to be open about these things & discuss risks like intelligent adults. Teens take drugs for loads of reasons but not because an adult is surprised they don't. Tbh, a large part of doing things is being told they shouldn't with a healthy dose of social stigma.

(as for the pp remarking that the smoking rate for the under 20's is at a historic low & blaming (?) vaping, well if you can't see why that's a remarkable, if slightly uncomfortable, thing for public health I can't help you. Decades of aggressive anti-smoking measures haven't had anything close the impact)

It’s really interesting that people are picking up on this being dated. I’m ‘a bit’ older than 17 now so that does make sense.

Other teens may also have this response though so I think it’s worth raising for that reason alone.