Dr telling teen they’re unusual for not doing drugs

[TheHarshTruth]

The conversation went like this…

’Do you smoke?’

’No.’

’Do you drink alcohol?’

’Only a little bit of wine sometimes with my parents at dinner.’

’Do you take drugs?’

’No. Never.’

’Well you’re very unusual. Most kids your age (17) are off doing ecstasy every weekend.’

I do understand that he was probably trying to create a space where it felt OK to confess to dabbling in drugs. But would a lot of teens not take from this, ‘Even a qualified doctor seems to expect me to take drugs, so perhaps I’ll try some next time I’m offered! Seems like it actually is quite acceptable to do them, nevermind what school and my parents say.’

AIBU?

When DS was in 6th form (6/7 years ago) a girl he had a big crush on used to not drink at all when she was 17.

But something changed after her 18th birthday. DS told me she started clubbing and drinking and enjoying it. But something changed where she would start taking drugs and stuff. DS was confused how someone can go from voluntarily not drinking to doing drugs.

It didn’t lead me to go do drugs because I wasn’t really socially integrated enough to have those sorts of opportunities. I was aware of some people who did do drugs yet I wouldn’t have known how to get hold of them personally. I didn’t have that sort of relationship with those people that I could have just gone and asked them.

If only it were that easy to get teenagers to do anything.

Maybe she was a patient of that doctor too.

I can relate to this. I was constantly criticised by older adults when I was a teenager because I want doing things ‘normal’ teenagers were doing.

Thank you. Glad it’s not just me! Sex was another thing the medical profession seemed to go on about.

Yes, I think that if a doctor had said this to me as a teen, it would have felt like another person confirming that I was a socially awkward geek.

Which was actually something I found hard. I mainly avoided drugs because I saw enough low level drug addiction and active alcoholism in my family to understand that just because it starts casual does not mean that it will stay casual. But I did feel pressured a lot, internally.

I also had the experience, as mentioned above, of some adult saying, "Oh, all teens are experimenting with sex" which made me feel I must be a little pathetic and unattractive.

I of course learned as I got older that it was all bs anyway, lots of kids were not doing any of those things. But I don't understand how so many pp are sure that adults telling teenagers they are abnormal makes no differernce to them.

Like what?

Other people have different personalities to you, including the doctor.
maybe for him, humour was his way of settling everyone, and sometimes he missed the mark,
I would like to think that’s ok, it’s not possible for every single thing you say to be perfect. Have you never said something and then thought ‘shit, shouldn’t have said that.’
I wouldn’t dwell on a slightly inappropriate mistake of a comment decades ago.

Who thinks the best sex ever happens when you are young?

And what if the person being spoken to was a nun or religious or....

That's really inappropriate.

Maybe as a doctor he sees an inordinate amount of teens who take drugs? Or maybe they have a lot of education around teenage drug use and he believes it’s more common than it is? It would make sense that he sees fewer healthy teenagers with no issues as they’d have no reason to visit a doctor, being young and otherwise unproblematic.

But is this even true? I thought kids don't do drink or drugs that much any more.

Either way, teens (and adults) have to resist doing all sorts of things their peers are up to anyway (if they know what's good for them). It is a pain in the butt. But I'm on the fence on this one cos it sounds like the doctor just had an awkward moment! I know I've spat out plenty of stuff that probably shouldn't have been said/came out wrong. <Cue cringey memories...>

Dr's can be very clumsy sometimes... I was told, by a gynaecologist, the reason I had a traumatic birth was because I was educated.

I must have forgotten to tell my vagina about my MA but I did avoid certain pages of the pregnancy book so maybe it was in blissful ignorance during my textbook birth - there may just be something in that, you know!

When I was at school (ages ago) there were various surveys about how much we drank, had sex, took drugs; with various tickbox options to complete. As I remember (I might be wrong!), those surveys were discontinued as they tended to normalise those activities. ("Wait, some people my age are doing WHAT?")

It's like those suicide/mental health "prevention" questionnaires with questions getting more and more dark.. like WTF, I never even thought of those things!! People do that?!

Worryingly, I think they're trying to bring them back for some reason (short memories, good intentions?!)

Yes I completely get this.

These things do have an impact, especially when they occur repeatedly.

Yes, I hear you. Trouble is, this was only one of many things with this particular doctor. He later went on and on about why hadn’t I lost my virginity, was I sure there wasn’t some abuse I’d forgotten about, etc.

I can relate to this. I was constantly criticised by older adults when I was a teenager because I want doing things ‘normal’ teenagers were doing.

I can related to that - my kids seem more confident in saying no to things less worried about being labeled as geek or socially awkward.

I also find GP disbeliving when I'm asked about alchol intake - I rarely drink but not teetotal - doesn't commpute to most. This was combined with IL who were havy drinkers who liked others to join in - did make me feel a freak - and that in a wider family with alcoholics in just sort of luck we didn't get those devastating genes.

I didn’t write that but for me there were many things.

I was young for my year group and a late developer. I found a lot of the teenage things others were doing quite alienating as I just didn’t relate to them at all. Even just things like going crazy over boy bands, watching TOTP, going to gigs, snogging, etc. I never understood the appeal of the grunge scene (and actually I still don’t even now). I never really developed that teenage rebellious streak.

Given your latest post suggests this happened a
long time ago now, what are you posting for? It’s very unlikely that would happen now, but at the time it’s highly possible it was true and the dr was trying to put you at ease. What’s triggered you to dragging this memory back up? What’s the real issue?

Ugh.

This is one of my pet hates - the implication that you’re a weirdo for not doing drugs, getting blind drunk etc.

i never did drugs but I’ve frequently been told I MUST. Have done. OK…

It occasionally used to happen in secondary schools before safeguarding was tightened up - “trendy, cool” teachers who pretty much sneered at children who didn't do this kind of thing.

High five, OP!

I just don’t think I was ever really a teenager!

Unbelievable comment!

fully agree