Dr telling teen they’re unusual for not doing drugs

[TheHarshTruth]

The conversation went like this…

’Do you smoke?’

’No.’

’Do you drink alcohol?’

’Only a little bit of wine sometimes with my parents at dinner.’

’Do you take drugs?’

’No. Never.’

’Well you’re very unusual. Most kids your age (17) are off doing ecstasy every weekend.’

I do understand that he was probably trying to create a space where it felt OK to confess to dabbling in drugs. But would a lot of teens not take from this, ‘Even a qualified doctor seems to expect me to take drugs, so perhaps I’ll try some next time I’m offered! Seems like it actually is quite acceptable to do them, nevermind what school and my parents say.’

AIBU?

Early 2000s

In my experience it's less usual than for Gen X. They hardly drink or go out compared to when I was that age as it's too expensive and everywhere requires ID, and they also worry about stuff going online and what future employers may think. They do have parties with alcohol with parents in the house, but finish at 11.30pm and get picked up by parents or walk home in big groups. DD1 certainly goes out plenty at university but wotks very hard as well.

If medical staff’s questioning is making young people feel this way though, that is surely useful for them to know. It’s in everyone’s interest to get maximum engagement.

It doesn’t sound to me like he was encouraging drug taking, just surprised that dc hadn’t indulged.

But merely by acting surprised you add to the peer pressure

Same as acting like everyone in their mid teens has sex / drinks heavily

We have a responsibility as adults to think about what we say

Are you sitting in on your teens doctor appointment?

I can understand why it backfired and made you think perhaps you were odd. People in authority have so much more power than sometimes they realise. That's not a criticism, just an observation.

When I was about 17 I went to the GP and he told me I had PCOS - he asked me if I was on a diet. When I said I'd tried lots of diets (I wasn't even hugely overweight but had always been unhappy with my size) he said 'well yeah, but with PCOS you basically have to starve yourself to lose any weight'.

I remember the moment like it was yesterday. My disordered eating has stayed with me all my life.

I think it's clearly a joke as obviously most teens aren't out doing ecstacy..

Yanbu but I would probably take this as a slightly clumsy attempt at a compliment that your kid isn’t doing those things, and that’s what I would be reiterating to him.
I must admit it gets my goat a little when some people seem to think that smoking, drinking and drug taking is a rite of passage of teenage years and almost expect it of them. It shouldn’t be like this. I saw a post of my community Facebook page lauding the fact that a local shop was selling a particular alcopop and one woman was talking about ‘memories….remember necking these up the park when we were 12?’. It made me cringe. If my 12 year old was drinking I’d be appalled.

Ridiculous comment from the GP tbh. It’s not enough that your DC might feel different if other teens are taking drugs, the GP has to pile that on too?

The thread is a bit confusing, as it's not immediately obvious that the 'teen' this happened to was actually the Op more than 20 years ago.

I agree with pp. I have two teens at home (18 and 16) and a 27yo.
Eldest doesn't drink, smoke or take drugs at all these days - although dabbled in cider and smoking weed as a teen down the park.

18yo doesn't touch anything and never has. None of his friend group does either.

16yo DD has had some fruit ciders at post-GCSE parties, as have her friends. None touch drugs. They aren't interested and don't want to.

Very different to teen life that I had in the 90s.

Completely nderstand your post

My gp asked how often I drink
Occasional
i will put 2glasses per day
NO occasional
So 2 glasses a week?
NO 2 sips as a toast on New Years Eve

Next visit nurse said
You seem to drink more than recommended levels
Pardon
gp has written approx 3 glasses daily.

I find it really annoying that some medical practitioners over estimate the drinking, smoking , drug taking of patients.

I remember being a teen and there was so little to do or entertain ourselves with, smoking, alcohol and drugs (not that we could ever get our hands on any) seemed like the only form of excitement. Nowadays they have phones, computer games, Instagram, all sorts of things , for food or ill, that will capture their attention and hold it. There's no need to go hang around in the park and share an icky warm bottle of cider or pinch cigs and try to get to like them.

Were you present at this appointment? Is it definitely true? If it is, I don’t agree with people saying the doctor was creating a safe space. I really can’t imagine a doctor saying this tbh, it would be so unprofessional. Any professional saying this to kids would be disciplined.

The fact that most teens take drugs really won't be a surprise to your 17yo. They will know totally what's going on around them

This was a long while ago but when my doctor asked about my sexual activity (in relation to birth control) and I said I wasn’t active, he said ‘oh don’t worry, I’m sure someone will jump on you soon’. How awful.

It was the OP at the appointment.

I’m proud of you for being a little shocked at this comment. I think the GP was wrong to say this, In my experience lots of young people are becoming more and more health conscious and making sure they drink enough water, exercise and refrain from things that are bad for them. I suspect they were trying to get you to be honest about any drug use and this was an awkward attempt to do that, hoping you would feel at ease but I don’t think it was phrased correctly. I don’t think it’s something to complain about but likewise your feelings are valid and you are right to gather opinions.

Enjoy your hangover free weekend!

Why is a 17 year old on mumsnet? 🤔

The OP mentioned that this exchange took place in the 00s.

Did you suddenly start taking drugs because of what the GP said? If not why do you think other teenagers would?
There are good reasons why I know the teenagers in my family don't take drugs including my DD. And I seriously doubt a doctor saying that is going to make them think oh it must be okay then ( because they have seen the consequence of using drugs).

No, the Op was 17 when this happened, twenty odd years ago!

Oh right, bit pointless bringing it up now then! 😂

I completely understand, OP. “Great, even my doctor is pointing out how different I am from other people.”

That is totally unacceptable as it presents but maybe dr trying ti gain trust snd get her/him to open up?????