To find this situation awkward?

[metellaestinatrio]

Spent this afternoon at the local park with my DCs. A child we sometimes see at the same park prior to an activity my older kids do in term-time was there with both parents and his baby sibling. He’s probably about seven. He has previously asked to join in my children’s game of football and we have agreed although both times it’s been a short game as my kids need to head off to their tennis lesson.

Today he came straight over and hovered near us and his parents asked if he could play with my DC. So there I was playing with all four kids (mine plus the extra) while the other child’s parents stood nearby with their baby. AIBU to think parents should play with their own child rather than letting them push themselves onto other people like this? My kids were being super polite but didn’t even like this child that much!

You could have said no.

Surely one of the points of going to the park is to make friends and play with other random children there. If the kids are seven why did you need to actively join in with them? Just leave them to it

YANBU. If your kids don’t want to play with him, I would have just walked off to a different part of the park.

Well he’s clearly needing someone to play with. It doesn’t sound as if it was any more work for you?

unless he’s particularly obnoxious it wouldn’t harm anyone to be kind and let him join in.

You were at a park. Kids like to play with other kids.

God forbid a child wants to play with other children at a children's park!

Exactly.

At 7 the child should be asking to play himself not his parents doing it for him. I expect my 5 year old to make her own friends at the park, I wouldn't dream of approaching other children on her behalf, not least because it makes it very difficult for the other children to say no (which they're entitled to do).

There's nothing wrong with kids making friends at the park but that's what made it awkward imo.

Yes that’s exactly it! My DC had set up a game and the other child hovered around for a bit, then his dad came over and said “he’s a bit shy but he wants to play with you, can he join in?”. I felt very much put on the spot and probably should have been a bit more assertive but if the parent is approaching other kids like that it would be very hard for them to say no.

So as not to dripfeed: we are in London so everyone goes to the park because the gardens are really small (so not the same as choosing between playing on your own in a large garden at home vs actively looking to meet other kids) and I was playing with them because my youngest is only 4 so sometimes they need a referee!

They didn't ask if he could play with you 😳

YABU. Poor kid wanted to play. Nothing wrong with that! At least they were polite enough to ask.

So they asked, you said yes but expected them to read your mind or your son to step up and say no?

They did absolutely nothing wrong here. How did it make your afternoon more difficult in any way?

So you know the child is shy, and struggling with social skills (but wants to play), but you, a grown adult would like to exclude him, and make him feel left out? Why? That pretty mean /non inclusive behaviour.

@KrisAkabusi because I had to entertain this random extra child which personally I find harder work than entertaining just my own kids.

And that’s exactly why I did say he could play and involved him in the game - because I am an adult and have manners. But how far should we take this? My kids didn’t actually want to play with him so should I be modelling to them that they need to always say yes when someone asks to play, even if they don’t want to?

Surely his parents should be playing with him themselves, not forcing him on other families so they can sit and sip coffee?

Do your kids go to private school?

Yes that’s awkward. Kids can ask other kids to play and they can all play independently together. We also live in London and mine do this all the time! If it’s clearly a family thing then you don’t interrupt because that would be rude. Even weirder still that the Dad asked and not the child- I’d have sympathy for a young kid not reading the room but not an adult.

I've heard it all now. They're kids...let them mix and play together for goodness sake.

I’m not sure why that’s relevant, but no they don’t.

No you didn't.

I very much presume the other child wanted to play with some other dc, NOT with the mother of random dc.

You are being very odd.

When children are out and about - in the park, on the beach, playing in the street where it is safe, they naturally join up with other dc.

the only odd thing about this scenario is you feeling
a) you had to play
b) you had to somehow 'entertain' the child.

Let the kids play with each other.

That's so weird. I was always inclusive when children wanted to join a game in the Park. I have also been the one asking if my child could join because he's been to shy. Contrary to you I find it really good that my children can play games with any random kid without having to actually "love" everything about the child in question.

Exactly! My kids do befriend others at the park (or sometimes bump into people they already know) and will run off and play with them independently. However in this scenario my kids wanted me to play with them, and we were clearly doing something as a family rather than a free for all with a load of kids all mixed in together.

If it was football or something, next time say sure and kick the ball to the adults. Then get a coffee yourself. No need for you to be running their sports club for them.