To find this situation awkward?

[metellaestinatrio]

Spent this afternoon at the local park with my DCs. A child we sometimes see at the same park prior to an activity my older kids do in term-time was there with both parents and his baby sibling. He’s probably about seven. He has previously asked to join in my children’s game of football and we have agreed although both times it’s been a short game as my kids need to head off to their tennis lesson.

Today he came straight over and hovered near us and his parents asked if he could play with my DC. So there I was playing with all four kids (mine plus the extra) while the other child’s parents stood nearby with their baby. AIBU to think parents should play with their own child rather than letting them push themselves onto other people like this? My kids were being super polite but didn’t even like this child that much!

But why is my children’s school relevant to the question I’ve asked? You could just say “you’re up your own arse” if that’s what you think - no need to check the type of school first.

I get you, I don't really like other people's kids 🤣 so being saddled with one in the park regularly would be deeply annoying. But I think your solution here is to do a mix of things in the park, don't always be that parent with the super organised fun, if you have to referee and be involved in those kind of games and they're likely to attract other kids that you then have to play with, just don't do them every time. Sure do them sometimes, but equally sometimes it would be good for your kids to do something less structured like just kicking a ball or throwing a frisbee around or playing on the play equipment or imaginary play, and then others can join in with them (or not) without it making much difference to you.

Keep your 4 year old back with you if you think they can't / won't cope playing with the older kids without you. Also if the kids are playing separately absolutely they can say no to someone joining in so long as they aren't mean or rude doing so, and it's really good social practice for all to negotiate joining in/ not joining in without such intense adult input and supervision?

No, you didn't. He didn't want to play with you, he wanted to join in with your kids snd the other children. All you needed to do was remind your children of the importance of being decent and not to exclude him, (which, if they didn't already know that, was something they absolutely needed to learn, so a good learning for them).

We had a game set up which all four of us were playing. He came and asked (or his father asked) to join in. I understood from that he wanted to play the game we were playing (as that’s what he then did) rather than just run off with my DC.

Had they actually brought a football that they could have played with their own kid with?

They asked to play with your kids not you, I find your post bizarre!

This has got to be a joke??
Your advice is she changes what games she plays with her kids and then holds back her 4 year old for playing with their siblings?!

Let the kids play without you!

Hang on, this was a kids game for four, and you, an adult, wouldn't automatically happily step out to let a lonely 7 year old join in? Do you have issues with empathy or social skills?

I just can't fathom an adult being do utterly unkind and socially unaware. Next time offer, don't wait til someone has to prompt you to not leave their child out!

There were no other children! It wasn’t a huge gang of kids roaming around (which I agree is a different scenario) just my three DC playing a game with me. My older two were actually brilliant and very inclusive to this child - I’m the awkward bugger who felt the parents were being cheeky!

It's fairly obvious a 7 year old is going to want to play with a group of children rather than their baby sibling. The father asked politely if he could join in. Doesn't seem rude to me. If you can't find the words to say "Sorry it's a game for 4 people" or "We're just finishing" or whatever, then how will they know you didn't want to.

Sometimes, sure, why not? Not saying the 4 year old should be locked in a dungeon and never allowed out to play lest they become contaminated by contact with strangers, but if the older siblings want to play an older kids game with some other randoms from the park, surely what some of us would do at least sometimes is stay behind with the younger kid and get them to do something more age appropriate rather than follow the whole group around and parent the whole gang to referee/stop the 4 year old tantrumming or being left out? And part of using a communal / public area to play in is that if you're doing the funnest thing in the whole park either you accept that you'll get kids coming up with all the social awkwardness that can entail, or if you don't like that you keep the best games back and do them at quieter times or at home, or a mix? Don't see what's so very dreadful about that...

I get you op. We’re in London too, plenty of parks and it’s always full of kids. They could clearly see you playing with your kids.
We get this too. We enjoy playing with our kids and I hate it when a random child wants to join in because 1. My ds doesn’t enjoy that and 2. We have a toddler and some kids are rough and don’t know how to behave around a toddler.

we just say, we are finishing off now go sit down for a few minutes and start again. They get the message often enough

But my kids wanted me to play with them!! I’m sure they will feel differently once we’re further into the holidays and be desperate to run off with friends but they were enjoying the time with me, not looking for some random other kid to join in in my place.

As I’ve said, I did the right thing and I involved the random kid in the game. I have empathy, manners etc. I just think it was cheeky of the parents to rely on someone else to entertain their kid, and rude to interrupt what was clearly a “family” activity in that way. But I can see most people think I am an antisocial weirdo so I will take that on the chin 😆

You and your family sound like fun.

@ToKittyornottoKitty not sure but we weren’t playing football today (sorry appreciate that was confusing - we have let this child join in a game of football before).

When mine were younger, if they were happy for another kid to join in a game, I would often withdraw at that point, so it was all kids together. Or in your situation I might have invited one of the parents to play too.

I know what you mean - it feels a bit embarrassing to be entertaining someone else’s kid whilst their parents look on!

@metellaestinatrio YANBU I understand that you’ve previously entertained this child even though your kids weren’t overly keen and on this occasion you were all looking for some personal family/bonding time. If it happened again to me I’d say “Im sorry but I’ve promised the kids a game just with me and them - maybe next time thank you” Then I’d immediately run back to my kids.

Weird question

Why? Because they don’t like their toddler mown down by random kids?

I really couldn’t get worked up about this

I mean isn’t this what the park is for? Playing, meeting others, chatting etc

In future possibly go when it’s quieter or place a cordon around your family? Or DND sign

Because you're acting like other children are a danger to your children. Why not just stay at home if you don't want your children to have any social interactions🤷‍♀️

The older kids didn’t specifically want to play with the random kid though. 🫤 you are suggesting that OP and her dc who are happily playing are is actually a family with a tantrum throwing hell 4 year old who should sit it out so random kid who no one is particularly fond of can play. Odd.

I understand what this poster means though - her two children play nicely together and all is well, then another child comes over and wants to play but is mean to her toddler (and usually in these cases the parents of the mean child are nowhere to be seen), turning what was a pleasant outing with her children into a stressful afternoon with an upset child.

Because her kids didn’t want to play with him.