To find this situation awkward?

[metellaestinatrio]

Spent this afternoon at the local park with my DCs. A child we sometimes see at the same park prior to an activity my older kids do in term-time was there with both parents and his baby sibling. He’s probably about seven. He has previously asked to join in my children’s game of football and we have agreed although both times it’s been a short game as my kids need to head off to their tennis lesson.

Today he came straight over and hovered near us and his parents asked if he could play with my DC. So there I was playing with all four kids (mine plus the extra) while the other child’s parents stood nearby with their baby. AIBU to think parents should play with their own child rather than letting them push themselves onto other people like this? My kids were being super polite but didn’t even like this child that much!

If that happens you intervene, not rocket science. The poster wasn't talking about one incident though- she was stating that she wanted to play alone with her children in the park without socialising with other children. I do find that weird because socialising with other children was one of the reasons I brought my children to the park. They are older now but still very friendly and open to meeting new people.

Surely parks are for socialising with other kids? If you want to play a game and not expect other kids to want to join in then don’t go a do it in a park.

Where then?

Yes it does sound like it's your issue.

Presumably you wouldn't feel ok to ask another parent to let your kid join in. So your resentment is probably related to your feelings about what you can ask from others, in comparison to their feelings about what they can ask of others.

Some people meet people at the park who actually become friends in future, they could be nice people. (Accepting it is possible they could be annoying!).

You made a kid's day better at no cost to you, you stepped out of your personal comfort zone and your kids had a social experience. I don't see the downside.

I get what you mean OP, I wouldn't be annoyed at the random kid at all, more the presumption of the parents who should maybe try bringing their own games if they want their shy child to draw some park friends into his sphere, especially as you've entertained the child before. Not very reciprocal if they always get to kick back and relax! My husband tends to be one of the fun parents at soft plays and parks who attracts the kids whose parents can't be bothered playing for whatever reason. At least you've role modelled inclusive behaviour to your children.

Yes, I've definitely been this parent with my kids...who would very much need a hand doing something as ordinary as joining in with others. It never been comfortable for me, as I'm not someone who particularly wants to speak to others (and this OP demonstrates why!) but make myself for the sake of the kids. So unless they're particularly tough skinned they didn't take the easy option

You are extremely unfriendly

@Tonkerbea similar here. On holiday recently DH was playing with our DC in the pool and ended up with 5 kids wanting to join in whilst their parents sat on their sun loungers reading. We got out and went for an ice cream- why should he be their holiday nanny?

OP I get it- I think I would have let them join for 5 mins (warning the parents that you were finishing in 5 mins at the start) then moved elsewhere/to the playground. Balance between being inclusive and being the free kids entertainer!

You didn't have to. You chose to.

They asked if their child could play. You could have said no...

This is so bloody weird. As pps have said, the normal behaviour here would have been to let the kids play together and leave them to it.

Not helicopter over them acting like this other child has done something wrong. By wanting to play. In a public park.

The "oh but we're in London" line is quite telling as well. Like you imagine that in the rest of the country people have big gardens they can pay football in instead?!?

Playing football in a park is normal. Wanting to play with other kids is normal. I think you need to relax a bit OP...

I don't think a child wanting to play with other children is 'pushing thenselves' that's an odd way to think of normal socialising amongst children. If your DC liked the child, you'd call it 'making friends'. The correct behaviour for the parents to stay engaged though and keep overseeing their own child during the play. But even then, they're not mind readers so wouldn't know your DC had taken against theirs, would they? You're going to have to speak up and tell them, put up with it, or avoid the park at those times.

The dad didn't know you didn't want the child paying with yours because when he asked if his child could join, you said yes. Why not say quietly to the dad that you're having family time, in which case the dad could then distract the child and take him off to do something else? It seems like the dad asking rather than the child would make this easier, not harder.

Most people on here have told you this is a non-event. It is certainly common and acceptable of the father of a shy child to ask if they could play (or for a child to ask to play) with other children playing group game in s public setting.

You sound very rigid.

You had a set idea of what would happen (curious how long are we actually talking here?) and as you were in a public park with other people, it didn’t pan out that way.

You have been thinking about this enough/ it has bothered you enough, to write a thread on mumsnet about it.

I think that despite feeling you did the right thing and that the other parents were cheeky/lazy, your children will pick up on your attitude and I don’t think it does them any favours for the future.

Absolutely, but sometimes when you tell off a random child who is being mean to your kid their parents (previously conspicuous by their absence) appear and complain! It’s just not worth the hassle when all you wanted was some time with your own kids!

Thing is, you come across as mistrusting at best, and at worst, mean spirited.
This is not a character assassination, you also seem perfectly nice.
But in the longer term that mistrust of outsiders is something your kids will adopt from you and it's a shame because that could inhibit their social skills in the future.

This is a fair comment. You’re right, I wouldn’t impose my children on other parents in this way and so it makes me uncomfortable when other parents are happy to do it to me but I am too wimpy (or maybe too socialised to “do the right thing”) to speak up and say that doesn’t work for us. I need to either accept the free for all or get better at saying no!

You didn’t need to play with them. At that age they are capable of playing alone or with each other.

I think your attitude is really weird and a bit sad.

Yes this is it! I have previously welcomed this child into a game of football because his mum was on her own with him and the baby and I felt sorry for him that he didn’t have anyone else to play with. However yesterday he was with both parents and I was on my own with three - if he wanted to play with someone his dad could have invited my kids to do something with them rather than the other way round!

But why wouldn’t a child playing with your child ‘work for you’?

I know, but I have already been told that I am cruel, unfriendly, mean and “up my own arse” on this thread even though I actually welcomed the child into the game (but was privately annoyed at the parents)! I dread to think the insults that would come my way if I had said no!

I think if it's on a swing park, it's normal to play games with other kids but not when it's a family game over on the grass it's a bit different. It just depends though. If a kid came over and wanted to play I'd let the kids get on with it themselves, but there's times it's nice to spend time playing one to one with your own kids.
One time my son and his dad were kicking the ball to each other. My son is quite good at it so he was really booting the ball. This woman and a young kid came over and stood there watching, then let her child come over ( about 3 years old), grab the ball and start trying to join in. The mum just stood there smiling. That was annoying because it ended their game because she was in the way. She would have got smacked in the face with the ball if they continued. We moved away but they followed. The mum really didn't understand why we didn't want her child there.

The "oh but we're in London" line is quite telling as well. Like you imagine that in the rest of the country people have big gardens they can pay football in instead?!?

I was just responding to posters who were saying that surely you only go to the park if you want to play with others. I was explaining that where we live most people’s gardens are tiny (or non-existent) and so going to the park doesn’t automatically mean they are looking for others to play with, simply that they don’t have the space to play something like football or cricket at home. I appreciate that the same will
apply in other cities as well as London.

But you’re the adult and could have said no. You say why should your dc have to agree every time, but you agreed, so why complain?

You said your children wanted you to play with them, so why didn’t you say no. The father did ask first.

Oh. I assumed it was to explain why you were so unhappily with an unrelated child playing with yours.