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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Verbally assaulted?

92 replies

Belladog1 · 21/07/2025 13:35

Hi guys,

I hope you don't mind the long message, but I feel I want to write down what I am feeling and get your opinions on it.

On Saturday I went online to see a local person (10 mins) was in need of a fridge\freezer. Wondering if anyone had one to sell. I did, so I said I was looking for £100 and sent photos. She immediately said she wanted it. Great. I did say she would need to bring someone burly with her as it was heavy and in the shed. She then wrote that she couldn't leave the house as she had to stay in with her children, but her partner and trailer would come and collect it. She asked if I had anyone here to help him, and I said no, I live alone, but I would willingly try and assist.

The man turned up at the house, a pleasant guy. Showed him the fridge and he was chatting away. He told me about his job and that he was thinking of calling himself the Naked Handyman. I laughed. He told me a few other tales and a bit about himself. He was a nice chap, very sociable.

But then it turned weird. He said he thought I was beautiful. Well, at 51 it's nice to have a compliment, so I thanked him. But he kept going on and on. He said he couldn't take his eyes off my boobs. He told me all his girlfriends in the past had been flat chested, and he would love to sleep with someone who had large boobs.

He kept asking (probably 8 times) if I would take my top off. He said he would get fully naked and I 'didn't have to do anything, just stand there'. I said no, no thank you. By this time I was getting a little scared. I was alone with this guy in my garage. He was blatantly staring at me, telling me I was beautiful and sexy. He asked if I had a partner, and I said yes, yes I did. He asked if I would be willing to sleep with him as a stranger which turned him on. He kept telling me how horny he was.

I just wanted to run away. But I was scared to tell him to fuck off .... and I was alone and so I kept forcing a smile, kept saying no, kept backing off.

He discovered some damage to the cable at the back of the fridge. I said if he didn't want it that's fine. He offered £70 instead, I said OK. I just wanted this man gone.

It was very very muggy on Saturday here, and he was getting the fridge into the trailer and took his top off. I just kept my distance while he was there, but I couldn't leave him as I have a lot of nice things in my garage. He gave me £80 and asked if I had £10 in my purse. I said I did .... so I went into the house to get it. When I got back he was in my garden.

He asked me if I was OK. I said yes, I am OK to sell the fridge for £70. He said no, was I ok with the way he had spoken to me. He asked me to promise not to tell anyone. Well - I would have signed a contract in blood just get rid of this guy, so I said I wouldn't say anything. He then put his arms around me, still shirtless and squeezed me in close and said 'oooooohhhh those boobs, I'll be dreaming of those all weekend, probably all year'. I nervously laughed, said I had to go, closed the garage door and walked into my back garden and padlocked the gate shut.

I walked into the house and started shaking. I felt sick and I kept thinking if I had done anything to encourage his behaviour. I messaged my partner about it who went absolutely apeshit. I even sent him a picture of the shit clothes I was wearing, as if I had to prove I hadn't tempted him in my old clothes and croc shoes.

That afternoon I swear I heard the back gate latch go. The dog even got up and barked. I'm sure I imagined it, but it put me totally on edge. This man knows I live alone and he knows where I live.

My partner tried to get me to call the police, but I said ... and tell them what? That some guy tried it on with me? But it was the hug that tipped him over the edge. The fact that he had laid his hands on me. I said I wouldn't go to the police. The man told me he had a young family and I wouldn't want to be responsible to tear that apart, plus - just to reiterate ... he knows where I live!!!

But I can't stop thinking about it.

What are your thoughts? And I am sorry for the massive post.

OP posts:
MounjaroMounjaro · 21/07/2025 13:41

You would be absolutely crazy not to report this prick to the police.

summertimeinLondon · 21/07/2025 13:41

I think you absolutely go to the police. This was seriously abnormal behaviour on his part, and you don’t know whether he has a young family or not: he could have just made that up. He sounds like a potential danger to other women and you also need to protect yourself. Please do go and speak to the police. They can determine the best thing to do going forward and take it out of your hands. 💐

Talltreesbythelake · 21/07/2025 13:41

You definitely need to report that to the police. Ring the non emergency number. You are in fear of crime, they can advise you on safety. Keep your doors and windows secure and take care. He sounds totally disgusting.

steff13 · 21/07/2025 13:42

That sounds horrible. I would absolutely call the police.

DisabledDemon · 21/07/2025 13:42

Never mind verbal assault - that's physical assault. He is an absolute pig.

pikkumyy77 · 21/07/2025 13:44

MounjaroMounjaro · 21/07/2025 13:41

You would be absolutely crazy not to report this prick to the police.

This.

FrenchandSaunders · 21/07/2025 13:44

Christ alive OP he sounds terrifying. Please report him.

Is your DP a nice man as you shouldn’t have to justify what you’re wearing 😟

HelloMyNameIsElderSmurf · 21/07/2025 13:46

There are four responses to trauma: flight, fight, freeze, flatter. You were inbetween the last two, ie you felt physically stuck but very unsafe so you basically agreed with everything he said. This is TOTALLY NORMAL. You did absolutely nothing wrong in nodding along with him to protect yourself in the moment. That does not mean that now you can’t or shouldn’t report him.

I’m so sorry this has happened to you and I do feel if you can report this, you should. At the very least, don’t base your decision on what you did or did not say in the moment. He’s a creepy prick.

Belladog1 · 21/07/2025 13:47

Gosh - I have tears in my eyes reading this. I needed to get it out.

Just to add, he messaged me that evening to say he had fixed the fridge and gave me his mobile number in case I 'need anything'. He also said he had forgotten to take any boxes with him (I had loads in the garage as I have just moved in and haven't been to the tip) and he would gladly pop over to collect some.

Hmmmmmm ..... no. Fuck right off. I ignored the message.

OP posts:
HelloMyNameIsElderSmurf · 21/07/2025 13:47

Also no-one on FB selling is who they say they are. You could well have been messaging him all along, and it was him checking you were on your own…

HelloMyNameIsElderSmurf · 21/07/2025 13:48

If you decide you’re not going to the police then block him. If you do go to the police, it’s all evidence.

Hoppinggreen · 21/07/2025 13:48

Phone the Police, he touched you and that is assault nver mind all the other things. Any consequences are on him not you
He may well not be prosecuted as there is no evidence but at least of he gets a visit or call from The Police it may stop him doing it again
Of course if you feel that reporting him would make you unsafe then you would be well within your rights not to as well

Belladog1 · 21/07/2025 13:49

FrenchandSaunders · 21/07/2025 13:44

Christ alive OP he sounds terrifying. Please report him.

Is your DP a nice man as you shouldn’t have to justify what you’re wearing 😟

He's a wonderful man. But I almost felt like I had to justify the fact that I wasn't dressed to impress. My DP actually said what I wore was immaterial, the guy was a prick.

OP posts:
Sparklybutold · 21/07/2025 13:49

I am so sorry and angry on your behalf you experienced this. You did absolutely nothing wrong and all your responses scream a fight/flight response. Can you get someone to stay with you? (Unsure whether you live with your partner), not so much as a security measure, but just so you have someone to support you. Personally I would call 101, and let them direct the call for you, as this behaviour was totally inappropriate and his candidness suggests he’s done it before and he’s at risk of it escalating. This is not on you in anyway. Sending hugs 💐

jeaux90 · 21/07/2025 13:51

Just bloody disgraceful OP I am so sorry. I would report it yes.

GaryAvisFanClub · 21/07/2025 13:53

Fight, flight, freeze and fawn are all normal stress responses to threatening situations. It sounds like your response here was fawn (it's not the greatest word for it- I think they just wanted another F) which means that you put on a facade of pleasantness to placate the person who is threatening you and to avoid escalating the conflict. It can work well (and especially for women where 'fight' might not be an option) but it also brings its own trauma afterwards.

This is definitely a matter for the police. I would also flag it to whatever site he was on.

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 21/07/2025 13:54

Even if you were prancing aroubnd in frilly knickers... So what??

This is absolutely assault.

He was just charming then intimidating you, to make you frightened... All the crap re not telling anyone /young family...

This is NOT your responsibility... It is HIS...
He wants to grope /shag women while keeping his family intact...

Please report this arse.

I'd also call women's aid /rape crisis... If you need some more support.

I've no doubt this would have worsened.

Good luck.

You were NOT to blame, 100% on him.

spoonbillstretford · 21/07/2025 13:56

I agree with the poster that it could have been him messaging you to start with to check you were alone. Definitely report it, if you feel you can.

JMSA · 21/07/2025 13:56

Yuck 🤢

Belladog1 · 21/07/2025 13:58

Thank you everyone for your points of view. I really do appreciate it. I was so scared. I did wonder whether to raise it with the police but not put in an official report (so he wouldn't know about it), so if he did it to anyone else, there would be a note of it.

I am scared to properly report him in case he comes over. I do live alone with just my dogs. My partner just stays over occasionally be he lives 2hrs away and he is often out of the country.

OP posts:
IsTheOffDutyDoneYet · 21/07/2025 14:00

The man is a predator. You need to report him, because as you say he does know where you live, and you at least need to get it on record. I hope you’re ok.

EmeraldShamrock000 · 21/07/2025 14:02

I would definitely report him as these type escalate their bad behaviour.
Very frightening, if you are in this situation, meeting a stranger when alone, use your phone to record the conversations.

Youllnevergetabetterbitofbutteronyourknife · 21/07/2025 14:06

Good God,OP, how awful for you! I'm so sorry you were put in this position. I would seriously think about reporting it as he's clearly a loose cannon and he may go even further next time. He is a dangerous predator.

FrenchandSaunders · 21/07/2025 14:06

And I bet that was him all along, not a woman ... he was testing the water to see if you were alone, planning this.

Please report it OP, he sounds dangerous and unhinged.

EvangelicalAboutButteredToast · 21/07/2025 14:11

To be honest I think it’s safer if you DO report it to the police as I think there’s a chance this might be the start of a harassment campaign and it’s better you start reporting everything when the initial meeting is fresh in your mind.