Or was partner cruel and out of order?

[ConflictedBeagle]

Watching the boxing tonight with my partner, he had set up projector and we were both having a great night watching the fights leading up to the main event.

Main event comes and unfortunately I went to unplug my phone charger and accidentally switched off the projector he was using to put the boxing on a big screen.

I was mortified and felt like an absolute clown, apologized profusely. He went on about how long it would take to sort it all back out. I kept apologising, to which he was silent. I said to him that he could at least tell me it would be ok, accidents happen etc. to which his reply was "say nothing".

I just felt so awful about my stupidity and also angry at his response that I will admit I swore at him and stormed out to sit outside. He came to find me a couple of minutes later, boxing back on and asked me to come back in but I was really upset by this point so sat outside until after the boxing finished and only came in once he had gone to bed.

I feel so confused and would be so grateful for anyone's comments on the situation.
Amu thanks!

That would make it a bit worse for me too maybe, when you're relaxed and happy and then the atmosphere is ruined.

$80!!!

Off topic but fucking hell really?

Haha love this - we are in the UK so less than that but still I did understand the annoyance, hence my apology but it was a genuine (silly) mistake.

Mike Tyson fights were regularly $150. Usually a bunch of people get together and they each pay a little bit and watch it at one person's house.

@steff13 Oh I just checked, it's only £15 i the UK. Thought $80 was totally wild but then remembered seeing last year that the cheapest Superbowl tickets were a three grand and the average price was $8,000!!! So guess in USA people just pay stupid money for sport?
Tickets to the FA Cup final start at only £50 and it's not shit

Yes he would have had to pay but really not much and missed only a couple of minutes, although granted he wouldn't have known how long it would be and probably came to ask me to come back in after realizing he had overreacted but by that time I already felt too hurt to want to carry on with the lovely evening we had planned for weeks.

You basically have to be rich to be able to go to the Super Bowl.

I think everything here is more expensive than it is there. But sports tickets depend on the sport. Football tickets are more expensive because they only play 17 games in a season. Baseball tickets are cheaper because they play 163 games in a season. Hockey tickets are the cheapest. And then my local soccer team is about the same as the baseball team.

I am a person who when I'm upset I like to take some time to get my emotions under control before I'm interacting with the person that I'm upset with. I don't think there's anything wrong with that. My ex-husband was very much like wanted to hash everything out right that second and that felt very controlling to me.

I think you overreacted to his pretty typical reaction and took it personally. I've actually done the same thing, my husband and some friends were watching UFC and I was changing the TV in the other room, and somehow the remote interfered with his TV in the other room and switched off the fight they were watching. It's the type of thing people get quite into when they're watching, so everyone went like "oh oh oh!!" Type of reaction and I said "oh no" and ran to fix it, which was lucky that it was just a tv remote and took seconds but his set up obviously took longer to fix. After we laughed and moved on, but in the minute the people watching are worried because the fights go so quick at times and they don't want to miss it if it's over quickly (I personally hate watching fighting but that's irrelevant). It doesn't sound like he was berating you or calling you an idiot or anything, just frustrated and focused on fixing it. You took it too personally and made it into a bigger issue.

So YOU did something wrong, then expected complete instant forgiveness, and when that wasn't forthcoming, had a hissy fit and swore at your partner before flouncing off? Your partner meanwhile, fixes the problem pretty sharpish - a few minutes! - and then, the thoughtless bastard, comes and asks you to come back in, but you've already dug your heels in and chucked your rattle out, so you refuse?

I’m sorry this really doesn’t make sense as your complaint was that he was silent, not that he was shouting - which then woke your daughter due to HIS Raised voice?

In your changing story you’re the only one shouting (and swearing) so don’t understand how HE woke your daughter?

You both sound too pissed to look after children tbh.

She says multiple times that he was banging on for ages (my words) about how long it would take him to set it back up etc

'mortified and felt like an absolute clown, apologized profusely.'

wow - that was quite an over reaction from/by you

you accidentally unplugged something

no big deal !

but then you drip feed and introduce a child being shouted at

then amend your version

and it gets more and more elaborate

but ends with

' I already felt too hurt to want to carry on with the lovely evening we had planned for weeks.'

really ?!!!

Your partner overreacted but so did you.

You say he missed a couple of minutes of the fight so the time from snapping to coming to find you would have been very fast too. If he’d sulked until bedtime then you’d have a point but people are allowed to be annoyed for a few minutes before they recalibrate themselves like he did . He paid money, had been having a good time with you and looking forward to the fight so the accident meant a moment of annoyance. Cruel is a pretty extreme word to use.

As for the bit about your daughter, it’s very confusing and you seem contradictory.

So childish! And you want him to immediately comfort you when you’ve done something annoying? Nah. Learn to regulate your own emotions. Omg sorry! One time would have been sufficient. Someone going on and on and wanting attention when he was trying to sort it out would have been very annoying. Sort your own feelings of failure out.

Christ on a bloody bike: the way some people live and the things they get upset about.

Is this a wind up?

I get his initial response of frustration (hard to tell if it was over the top or not) obviously you apologised. But that should have been the end, why did you need him to reassure you it was ok? In a situation like this the onus isn’t on the wronged person to make the other person feel better. It was a small mistake own it , apologise and move on. Then because he didn’t make you feel better you swore at him and left the room and when he asked you to come back you refused. I’d say based on what you said you owe him another apology.

You sound like my partner. Everything has to be about him.

He doesn’t swear or shout, but if he does anything wrong he acts like the victim to the extent we all walk on eggshells around him.

the bit about your daughter is clearly embellished, so not even worth a mention.

Thanks for all the latest replies.

Neither of us were drunk so can't blame it on that.

I clearly overreacted and no way I should have sworn and I did apologize for that too.

In retrospect I should have come back inside when he asked

It has been really helpful to get different views and interesting how many people have used words like he was "wronged" etc and ai I think that's where I didn't get it last night as I had felt I made a very minor error hitting the wrong switch which I could understand was annoying (to both of us) but not done with any malicious intent.

Thank you all

To be fair he said say nothing, in other words if you’ve got nothing nice to say, say nothing. He’s been honest let you know he was pissed without ranting and raving and fixed it. You’ve not even tried and then lost your temper and thrown a tantrum because he’s not responded in the way you’ve wanted. I’d suck it up if I were you

Also if he only missed 2 minutes you’ve apologised and stormed off in only 2 minutes

If someone in my family made a simple mistake and apologised profusely I'd probably express frustration but then very quickly say it was OK. That's how normal families operate. They dont carry on punishing people for mistakes by blanking them/shouting at kids etc

You made yourself the main character at every stage. You made a mistake he reacted but sorted it all out . You stormed off he came to find you. You refused his peace offering and think he was cruel?. You need to explore what emotions you are feeling in the moment. Probably embarrassment and shame at your blunder. Instead of accepting and allowing these feelings you quickly found an excuse, his reaction, to turn those deeply uncomfortable emotions to righteous anger. A much more comfortable emotion as it put you in the right. You took his peace offering as a validation of your righteous anger and doubled down completely ruining the evening. Instead of recognising that you started, created and compounded this disaster you are still blaming him labelling him cruel thus making yourself the victim once again. This is truly toxic and until you address why righteous anger is your go to you are destined to be unhappy. So is he.

Ahhh! OK, then yes I think he was being overly grumpy & a bit of a dick for sure & then you (with kindness!) over-reacted by missing the boxing. So now I can vote YANBU

You both sound emotionally immature and like a pair of teens.