Or was partner cruel and out of order?

[ConflictedBeagle]

Watching the boxing tonight with my partner, he had set up projector and we were both having a great night watching the fights leading up to the main event.

Main event comes and unfortunately I went to unplug my phone charger and accidentally switched off the projector he was using to put the boxing on a big screen.

I was mortified and felt like an absolute clown, apologized profusely. He went on about how long it would take to sort it all back out. I kept apologising, to which he was silent. I said to him that he could at least tell me it would be ok, accidents happen etc. to which his reply was "say nothing".

I just felt so awful about my stupidity and also angry at his response that I will admit I swore at him and stormed out to sit outside. He came to find me a couple of minutes later, boxing back on and asked me to come back in but I was really upset by this point so sat outside until after the boxing finished and only came in once he had gone to bed.

I feel so confused and would be so grateful for anyone's comments on the situation.
Amu thanks!

So why are you upset and angry at him for this?

I'm not, I just felt when one partner has made a silly mistake and apologises, they shouldn't be made to feel even worse and it hurt me because I know if he has made mistakes my first priority is to reassure him.

My daughter also needing reassurance and not getting it just compounded things

You’ve not murdered anyone, it’s a small tech mistake anyone could make.

You said 20 minutes ago that it upset and angered you. This thread is confusing.

You need to be able to tolerate feelings of discomfort when you make a mistake and allow soneone else to feel and express their feelings of frustration without insisting that they make you feel good about yourself. Your actions indicate you struggle with feelings of shame and it could be helpful to think about where those come from. Were you shouted at as a child or made to feel bad when you made a mistake? An interaction like this should go: you accidentally switch off the boxing. ‘Oops, sorry.’ Wait for partner’s brief annoyance to pass. Everything’s okay again.
I tell you this as a person who has taken decades to learn ‘normal’ interactions after growing up in a family where everything was a drama.

I would have been upset too, it's horrible to be shouted at for an accident! It's something you both wanted to watch so it's not like you "sabotaged" his fun, it's totally fixable, and it is obviously going to ruin what should be a fun evening. I wouldn't have wanted to sit with him and pretend to enjoy my night after that.

PS do you think all the boxing got you both riled up though? 😂

Yes his reaction to me, the situation with my daughter in itself didn't anger me, just compounded things

She was worried because he raised his voice but he was silent?

I think he had an immature reaction to an accidental mishap.

I do think he was cruel to not acknowledge your apology. You hadn’t meant for it to happen and the normal response would have been something along the lines of oh no quick let me fix it, or don’t worry it’s a quick fix.

I also don’t like how he told you to “say nothing” who does he think he is. You were apologising for disrupting the viewing.

I would also have taken myself away.

I wonder if there is more to this if your daughter immediately became concerned. Is he normally a good man?

I think I'd have been annoyed too. What on earth were you pratting about with your phone charger for? Did he pay for the boxing?

Thank you, these words of understanding means so much! I felt the same, it was a simple error but it was blown out of proportion and now I feel dreadful!

Maybe reread your own posts then you can feel confused too, because that’s the opposite of what you said. I don’t think you even know what you feel. You over reacted and now feel a little silly and want it to be his fault, but it isn’t. So go to sleep and then move on with your life.

I think you have hit the nail on the head herem my partner knows about my past with abusive parent but obviously I can't expect this to be front and centre at all times. I hadn't realized but this is most likely at the heart of the problem and also why I need mumsnet to help me understand certain interactions!

Thank you so much for your insight and understanding.

He sounds like an asshole. If either my husband or I had done this, our first instinct would have been to reassure the other person that it was no big deal. Because we try to treat each other with kindness. I can’t stand grown adults who get het up about a total non-event like this.

Thank you so much for understanding my point of view. I was just as upset at the error but felt it was easily fixable and not worth bad feeling over but struggled to sit with him after such an 'end of the world's reaction.

After reading other comments though I do realize I probably should have just sucked it up and got on with things.

How on earth do you get ‘pratting about’ from ‘I went to unplug my phone charger’?

You created a problem that he had to fix under time pressure. He was fixing it, but you added to the pressure by expecting him
to also soothe your feelings in that moment. That was incredibly selfish.

He was silent when E was apologizing then when I said oh come on could you not say something like 'it's ok, accidents happen etc ' he started talking more.

Give yourself peace, it’s nothing that will matter next week ♥️

I wish I’d never clicked.

op your chasing your own tail. Calling him cruel and mean and over reacting but done it yourself id go to bed and act like none of this ever happened in the morning for your own sake and embarrassment. Your partner was allowed to feel stressed for a moment at your accident

@AppropriateAdult why did it need doing then when you were watching something? After the match would've been fine.

Thanks you, you have understand the situation and my reaction completely.

Yes he is normally a very good man, which is why I was shocked about this as it felt selfish and cruel.

Maybe ye were tired,and that added to the alcohol consumed...sounds like a drink related incident to me..you might feel different about the situation in the morning..

Op just go to bed!! You're over reacting. Firstly, why did you feel so 'horrendous' for accidentally unplugging a cable and felt the need to keep apologising and grovelling and getting upset?? And then to sit outside all night, is just a bit over the top. You have both been drinking, you have young kids upstairs, maybe go to bed and just move on past this one.

Yep it was daft of me.

I owed my friend a reply to a text but my phone had died so I had charged it and was taking it off charge for a quick reply before the main fight as I knew it would be quite late when it finished.