To not be able to find fashionable clothes for sensory problems

[FountainsSummer]

Do they exist?!
My lovely little girl. She's 11 and all she wants is to wear fashionable clothes like her friends. At the moment they're all in denim shorts and she's desperate for a pair too. So far I've bought her 5 different pairs but she cannot cope with the denim waistband when it pushes in to her tummy when she sits down. I've already sized up a year and have been buying them age 12 in anticipation of this, but even though they're a year bigger than her age to try and make surd the waistband is looser, they're still a problem. Today I've bought her a pair 2 years up, in age 13, and still the waistband is a problem when she sits down. She says the feeling of the denim pushing against her tummy when she sits makes her feel really ill and distressed.
Why does this happen?
What is it that's happening in the brain that makes a sensory response to clothing cause her to feel ill and distessed?
She starts crying and then feels really bad about herself because I've bought them all for her.
I've had a decade of problems with clothes on her that she won't wear because she gets an overwhelming sensory response against all sorts of skirts, dresses, trousers, tights, PJs, seems, materials....oh my God it drives me insane. I buy the softest cotton clothes but still so many go unworn.
She will only wear A line dresses with no waistband, no fitted design, no tiers or ruffles with seams. Won't wear skirts because of waistband. Won't wear Tshirts in her size because the material sits against her skin, despite being softest cotton, will only wear big oversized Tshirts. Won't wear leggings. Won't wear trousers. Won't wear jogging bottoms. Now there's an issue with shorts. Yet she says the soft comfy oversized cotton shorts she's previously worn are babyish now and she wants to be trendy!
It's a bloody nightmare.
She cries and says she just wants to wear fashionable clothes like everyone else, but then can't handle how they feel.
If a child experiences this, does it 100% mean they have ASD? Or can people have this problem even if they don't have ASD?
She's not diagnosed and doesn't display any other ASD type symptoms, but does this confirm it?
And where oh where can I find sensory comfort denim shorts from?!?!
I just want to help her feel nice about the clothes she wears. I want her to feel like she fits in with peers. Not constantly dressed in soft organic cotton clothes that are too young looking for her now.

can you visit and Occupational Therapist? She may have retained reflexes causing her to feel these issues more?

Even elastic waist or stretch waist denim shorts are no good when she sits down

There are companies who make more trendy clothes while still making them better for sensory issues. I can't think of the names but there are several online. I don't think that it's 100% associated with ASD but so what if it is? Right now you need to deal with helping her through the sensory issues rather than wondering about what it all means.

Maybe try some denim maternity shorts. They'll have a soft front panel and will.probably be more comfortable. Mint have to have a hunt for sizes.

I have never heard of this.
Just searched it online, read about it, and don't understand it at all.
Please could you explain it in more detail?

She's only 11!

Does she have to have denim shorts? DD never found any last summer that she liked the fit of. Instead, she had almost towelling ones which had white piping down the side and some very short skirts

Right? I'm.sure they do a small.

It's just an idea.

I have similar difficulties with my 11 year old DD. I buy adult clothes because her main issue is seams touching her so the baggier the better. She is 5ft 3 though so might not work if she's much smaller

It's not a case of 'so what if it is'.
Because if it is ASD, then I need to help her by arranging for her to be referred and assessed.
Obviously I want to understand what's causing it, because I want to be able to help her understand what's causing it when she cries and asks me why she gets this reaction.
Understanding the cause of it is important.
And I am helping her through her sensory issues thank you very much.
No need to be so abrasive.

Tencel shorts might work better. Or jegging style shorts?

What about a bamboo vest tucked underneath? My DD has sensory issues and loves bamboo.

She's really little.
She's a little girl 11 year old, not a tall developed 11 year old.
She's not even 5 foot.

Fair enough. But a referral will take months and months. In the meantime you need ideas for her clothes, which several people have given you. You seem pretty frustrated with her, she can't help her sensory issues.

Would short denim dungarees work for her? I’ve been wearing dungarees a lot lately as I’m struggling with waistbands.

agree an OT might be able to help. I empathise as both my children have sensory issues around clothes and it had caused a lot of stress (and expense) over the years.

Denim is what she's set her hopes on, as all the girls round here are wearing them. They're definitely the trend in her age group round here.
She won't wear towelling shorts, been there, failed that.
She won't wear anything with piping.

When you go shopping is she with you? My DD has to feel the clothes so she knows which she will cope with.

Is there something causing the issue around her stomach? Does she have any gastric issues?
Meanwhile, maybe find some dungaree shorts, or some that are lower cut, with a lower waistband? But don't know how well they would stay up without hips.
Maybe these which appear to be designed to have the waistband undone/turned down?

You could look for someone who makes clothes and get some shorts made with cotton jersey that's printed like denim?

As someone who has had lifelong sensory issues with clothing, it's something she is going to have to learn to live with though. I had to give up on certain things that I really wanted to wear but just couldn't.

I recommend magnesium supplements though, they really help calm down an over active nervous system and that seems to also help with sensory issues. Also, my sensory issues with clothes are always much worse when I'm stressed or anxious, even before I realise I'm stressed or anxious my clothes will start driving me insane!

What about ones with an elastic waistband? Might not dig in so much. I also hate the feeling of denim digging into my waist and rarely wear jeans.

Do you have any sewing skills? You can buy soft elastic material from Amazon, maybe cut the waistband and attach that instead?.of course it may not be soft enough. It's something I almost did for my son last year when the bottom of PJ trousers were just never right. He eventually sorted it though.

There can be sensory processing disorder without ASD but just because you don't see other traits doesn't mean they are not there. It might be worth a conversation with the GP for advice though.

The reality is that not all trends suit everyone, even without any sensory issues in play.

Far better that you help her to understand that and find something that does work for her than flog the dead horse of denim shorts.

Age 11 is quite young to be so fixated on clothing trends.

I got some jegging style shorts for my DD from Tesco the other day, they look exactly like blue denim shorts but they don't have a stiff waistband or button, they're just pull on and very soft. Would those work?

I'm not frustrated with her in the slightest.
She's an absolute angel and I could never feel frustrated with her.
Im frustrated about not being able to find fashionable clothes that are comfortable for her.
Obviously a referral will take a long time. Years, not months. That doesn't mean I shouldn't bother.
Meanwhile I'm on here asking if anyone can advise.
Suggest you go away. You sound rather unpleasant.

Agree with PP suggesting maternity shorts in an XS/UK6.
Failing that, if you’re handy with a sewing machine you could try sewing a band of soft fabric inside the waistband. In the past I’ve also found H&M do quite good adjustable waist shorts for kids that my DC (who also has sensory issues) will wear.

It’s definitely possible to have a distinct sensory processing disorder that isn’t autism, but worth speaking to GP in any case — and reading up on both, as not all GPs are well informed about neurodivergence (especially in girls, who tend to mask their traits much more than boys)

My DS has ADHD and struggles with clothes, the doctor said it's common in many neuro disabilities - due to an immature nervous system.

I have built DS up from joggers only in cotton to elasticated chinos. I think girls' clothes are sold tighter and shorter so you may have more luck with boys things. He's 13 and is getting better, partly through age I think but also through practice. We just try to get him to wear things for 30 seconds, then a minute and then longer. Also to compare three or four new things, try them on and see which is "least bad".
Our next challenge is going to be a scout shirt!

We like Earth Wardrobe for organic but not too expensive, Eco Outfitters were ok when he had to wear school uniform. If your DD fits in the smallest adult size you could try Bam for bamboo clothing.