To not be able to find fashionable clothes for sensory problems

[FountainsSummer]

Do they exist?!
My lovely little girl. She's 11 and all she wants is to wear fashionable clothes like her friends. At the moment they're all in denim shorts and she's desperate for a pair too. So far I've bought her 5 different pairs but she cannot cope with the denim waistband when it pushes in to her tummy when she sits down. I've already sized up a year and have been buying them age 12 in anticipation of this, but even though they're a year bigger than her age to try and make surd the waistband is looser, they're still a problem. Today I've bought her a pair 2 years up, in age 13, and still the waistband is a problem when she sits down. She says the feeling of the denim pushing against her tummy when she sits makes her feel really ill and distressed.
Why does this happen?
What is it that's happening in the brain that makes a sensory response to clothing cause her to feel ill and distessed?
She starts crying and then feels really bad about herself because I've bought them all for her.
I've had a decade of problems with clothes on her that she won't wear because she gets an overwhelming sensory response against all sorts of skirts, dresses, trousers, tights, PJs, seems, materials....oh my God it drives me insane. I buy the softest cotton clothes but still so many go unworn.
She will only wear A line dresses with no waistband, no fitted design, no tiers or ruffles with seams. Won't wear skirts because of waistband. Won't wear Tshirts in her size because the material sits against her skin, despite being softest cotton, will only wear big oversized Tshirts. Won't wear leggings. Won't wear trousers. Won't wear jogging bottoms. Now there's an issue with shorts. Yet she says the soft comfy oversized cotton shorts she's previously worn are babyish now and she wants to be trendy!
It's a bloody nightmare.
She cries and says she just wants to wear fashionable clothes like everyone else, but then can't handle how they feel.
If a child experiences this, does it 100% mean they have ASD? Or can people have this problem even if they don't have ASD?
She's not diagnosed and doesn't display any other ASD type symptoms, but does this confirm it?
And where oh where can I find sensory comfort denim shorts from?!?!
I just want to help her feel nice about the clothes she wears. I want her to feel like she fits in with peers. Not constantly dressed in soft organic cotton clothes that are too young looking for her now.

Stitch sisters have very good affordable online courses for sewing 😊

I’m dyspraxic and have various sensory issues, including clothing.

I can see you have had some great suggestions re the denim shorts, but just thought I would pitch in with my own experience as it might be helpful in more general terms.

Might be worth researching dyspraxia and seeing if she meets many of the criteria. Good luck.

What about something like this from M&S? Size 6 is out of stock but size 8 is in stock

I have a sensory DS and for me finding the right socks is a lifetime mission!

What about wearing something underneath the denim shorts so they aren't touching her skin. A bamboo leotard or some very high soft knickers.

Halara do lyrca denim in size 4/6

https://thehalara.co.uk/products/Halara-Flex-Crossover-High-Waisted-Multiple-Pockets-Wide-Leg-A-Line-Washed-Stretchy-Knit-Denim-Casual-Shorts-24-681?variant=3764601&locale=uk&utm_source=Google&utm_medium=ukcpcshopping&utm_campaign=21993145336&utm_content=&utm_term=3764601&gad_source=1&gad_campaignid=21989266241&gbraid=0AAAAAB_7KREezVam2sGjUl9LRfd6yuTFF&gclid=CjwKCAjwp_LDBhBCEiwAK7FnknwO1gm4OmGKghcr4q9gc90owUiatRyuYkCpXkqUqPhAcUPKxitgjRoCJk8QAvD_BwE

You’ve got some great advise about clothing from wise posters. Coming from a parent of neurodiverse child who has to cut out or cover labels, my advice is to reflect on some of the comments people have made about your prickly responses. If you child does end up getting a diagnosis, you may have to grow a thicker skin and be an assertive advocate and not be so reactive

DD1 wears elasticated soft jersey denim shorts from the boys section of Next (after a mammoth search for any shorts that were soft but smarter than cycling shorts across various teen sections) but she isn’t particularly fashion conscious so might not work for you! They look like Jean shorts but feel more like jogger/cotton shorts. She wears them right down on her hips as she can’t bear anything on her waist/tummy - in fairness, I can only manage to feel comfortable on hips or empire line for waistbands myself

You can have sensory processing disorder (SPD) and not be autistic. My youngest seems to have SPD but her older sister is autistic but I’m wondering if she is.

Have you tried next? The denmin skirts and short there are generous in size and have the pullie things inside to make them smaller so she could just wear them loose. A lot of their dresses and play suits tend to be loose.

It’s possibly a sensory processing disorder, which can present without an ASD or other,
my son also has this, it’s improving with age, but that just may be because all boys of 12/13 wear is track pants and t shirts, even still certain t shirts are abandoned if they don’t feel right.

I luckily can empathise as I had this to an extent as a child, one example was socks were always an issue, and that’s where my DS started too. I can still remember the feeling that came with it, and it was awful.

can you look at more a cotton style rather than an actual denim, they are always super uncomfortable as shorts as the double fabric where the zip sits as well as the button is likely too much. Something with a stretch in the fabric could help too. Maybe order a bunch from somewhere like asos to try?

Have you thought about senior school uniform? Just wondering if it might be an issue. Honestly think a chat with the GP might be helpful here.

I haven’t read the whole thread, but I have the same issue, and always have.
The problem is likely to be exacerbated by the fashion for high waist clothing at the moment, so it’s good news that low rise is coming back into fashion.

I haven’t been able to buy myself any new trousers for several years
My Dd is similar, but not as bad as I am.

I would try and find shorts as low rise as possible and see if she can manage with them hanging off her hips rather than anywhere near her tummy.

If you can find any with an elasticated waistband, you can try sizing up, then folding the waistband over - that will make it lower, but a bit tighter so less likely to fall down. Next have some denim look cotton shorts with elasticated waist in their children’s section at the moment that you could try.

Otherwise, it might be worth buying some denim fabric and a suitable pattern and trying to make some bespoke.

The fashion in the U.K. at present is more for high waisted denim which aren’t as comfortable to sit in. She might be better with low waisted shorts? They’re a bit harder to find but you can find them online, particularly with European brands such as Bershka? They do a size 4 which might be small enough? Or baggier jorts may be more comfortable? Sometimes h&M have some.

You could also look for shorts made from chambray rather than proper denim as it’s thin and often has an elasticated waist.

How exhausting.

I have loads of denim shorts from Pretty Little Thing and none of those dig into me the way other brands sometimes can.

Uniqlo do something they call EZ Jeans. Look like denim and cut like jeans but are really a nice soft cotton more like sweat pants. The even have a drawstring inside the waist band so you can adjust the fit.
Don't know if they do a shorts version but if she gets on with them you can always cut them off and hem them.

I was just going to suggest this.

That's an interesting idea, never thought of looking in boys section.
I'll take a look! Thanks.

Thank you so much!!!
I even managed to find the same age 12 pair on vinted for less than these and have just bought them! Thank you, thank you for searching and linking 🙏
Fingers crossed! Thinking I could even cut in to the sides of the elastic waist if more comfort is still needed.....

If you google, there will be tutorials on converting jeans to maternity jeans - yes I know this isn't exactly what you need, but it will give you an idea of what to do.

If you wanted to make anything from scratch, elasticated waist shorts made from chambray / denim look fabric might be more comfortable but still look close enough to what her friends are wearing.

It's a no to dungarees unfortunately.
I thought they'd work too and bought some for her, but sadly they presented different sensory issues....
Thanks for thinking though.

Brilliant, thanks!!

These are sold out in the smallest size but you could request a notification when back in stock (there’s a button to do this on ASOS) to try them. Size 4 maternity denim shorts are a great idea from a PP.

https://www.asos.com/prd/205594524?acquisitionsource=pasteboard

The halara ones linked to above seems like they could work.

My son also won't wear denim and just wants to be in tracksuit bottoms. A while back I did get him some jeans where the waistband was jersey. Not these but similar - you could look out for something of that kind and then cut them into shorts?

https://oldnavy.gap.com/browse/product.do?pid=381488002

Would denim short dungarees /bib shorts work? https://www.laredoute.co.uk/ppdp/prod-351086318.aspx?dim1=1&dim2=5&cod=BPS00201058UK&gad_source=1&gad_campaignid=22010341880&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIkee-o73LjgMVJ5NQBh3nFhD9EAQYAiABEgLcIfD_BwE

this sort of thing. Not the same tight waistband.

I am not autistic, but I have some sensory issues due to another neurological condition. You can get soft denim, but it's hard to find. I remember an outfit I had with shorts and a jacket in soft denim. Could you have a shopping day together to try to choose some things?