To not be able to find fashionable clothes for sensory problems

[FountainsSummer]

Do they exist?!
My lovely little girl. She's 11 and all she wants is to wear fashionable clothes like her friends. At the moment they're all in denim shorts and she's desperate for a pair too. So far I've bought her 5 different pairs but she cannot cope with the denim waistband when it pushes in to her tummy when she sits down. I've already sized up a year and have been buying them age 12 in anticipation of this, but even though they're a year bigger than her age to try and make surd the waistband is looser, they're still a problem. Today I've bought her a pair 2 years up, in age 13, and still the waistband is a problem when she sits down. She says the feeling of the denim pushing against her tummy when she sits makes her feel really ill and distressed.
Why does this happen?
What is it that's happening in the brain that makes a sensory response to clothing cause her to feel ill and distessed?
She starts crying and then feels really bad about herself because I've bought them all for her.
I've had a decade of problems with clothes on her that she won't wear because she gets an overwhelming sensory response against all sorts of skirts, dresses, trousers, tights, PJs, seems, materials....oh my God it drives me insane. I buy the softest cotton clothes but still so many go unworn.
She will only wear A line dresses with no waistband, no fitted design, no tiers or ruffles with seams. Won't wear skirts because of waistband. Won't wear Tshirts in her size because the material sits against her skin, despite being softest cotton, will only wear big oversized Tshirts. Won't wear leggings. Won't wear trousers. Won't wear jogging bottoms. Now there's an issue with shorts. Yet she says the soft comfy oversized cotton shorts she's previously worn are babyish now and she wants to be trendy!
It's a bloody nightmare.
She cries and says she just wants to wear fashionable clothes like everyone else, but then can't handle how they feel.
If a child experiences this, does it 100% mean they have ASD? Or can people have this problem even if they don't have ASD?
She's not diagnosed and doesn't display any other ASD type symptoms, but does this confirm it?
And where oh where can I find sensory comfort denim shorts from?!?!
I just want to help her feel nice about the clothes she wears. I want her to feel like she fits in with peers. Not constantly dressed in soft organic cotton clothes that are too young looking for her now.

Shes not fixated on clothing trends😂
She's asked for 1 pair of denim shorts!
Gosh, there's a couple of vipers out tonight!

Thank you!
I'll search online for them!😊

Something like These?

It’s very hard and you have my utmost empathy as we’ve been here - my DD is now 16 but we had ALL.

does she have a pair of jeans she likes and feels safe in? Chop the legs off.

jeans with tights under helps not feel the jeans so much. Mighty sweaty but may help.

womens 6/8 may fit her? Charity shop jeans are softer and worn in - again chop legs off. We have done this lots.

it can be a neurodivergent thing(for us it it) yes, but also not!

Autistic and spd here try scandi brands like duns of Sweden me and my 10 year old both autistic with sensory issues never had any issues with them although clothes wise I’m fine it’s more my son I find next very soft for him

Would she wear dungaree shorts?

Hmmm, these are an interesting design....I wonder if they would work.....
She might not find the folded down bit comfortable either, I'm wondering if that would bother her.
But they're worth a try! Thank you.

I struggle with this too, I’m 32 now and still sometimes wish I could be as fashionable as other people my age!
id definitely size up (im a 12 but feel comfy in a 14/16)
i would definetly take her on a little shopping spree if you can, let her try loadssss of stuff on! See what she likes and feels comfortable in x

Would she wear short jean overalls?

They're loose and comfy and on trend with the 90s stuff I seeing around.

Charity shop is a good call, or Vinted, presoftened!
We got DS a favourite hoodie in a larger size from Vinted, he was very chuffed!

Thank you, that's helpful information.
Your suggestion of sewing jersey on to the waistband is a good idea.. .I even wonder if I could actually cut the waistband off entirely and sew on a jersey/stretch waistband in its place?
Thank you.
I need to quickly learn to sew properly!

That's true, maybe pre-worn = pre-softened might be a bit comfier.....
Thank you for that idea.

Might it be a thought to buy a sewing machine with a zigzag foot and help her to design her own clothes?

Maybe you could buy demin shorts and then cut the top of and graft on the top of her comfy existing shorts. If she had the t-shirt untucked over them, then no one would see.

My DS is the same, so I really do sympathise.

https://www.next.co.uk/style/su366476/e35574?dp=a&dndl=1&gclsrc=aw.ds&gad_source=1&gad_campaignid=8000299803&gbraid=0AAAAADm_5UWva8UltsQTUcGzs6bCF3lSa#E35574

These have an electric waist like joggers and no button?

Denim is likely to be challenging because it's quite a dense fabric so seams tend to be quite thick.
Shirt dungaree styles are probably your best bet.

I have a very particular autistic SPD boy. It's very challenging. He needs the length of age 14 and is spindly, often too lean for men's sizing so that's a restricted start before we even get to textile preferences. He's very repetitive in his clothing choices and I'm dreading him growing out of his 10 identical jumpers into adult sizing. Another problem is brands changing staple styles/ fabrics.
He has to wear clothes, including clothes that fit and aren't totally worn through, but finding replacements after growth spurts is a nightmare.
He also has limited sensory capacity to cope with shops...
Buying online is out because he has to feel everything.

I was going to suggest dungaree shorts too. Or a denim style play suit perhaps?

This isn’t fair. The OP is struggling as her 11yr old daughter is so distressed. Her daughter does not have an ASD diagnosis but has clear sensory issues. The OP is asking 2 things- firstly does she need to seek an assessment for ASD or could this be a different condition presenting only with sensory problems. And secondly where can she get nice fashionable clothes that her daughter can enjoy wearing?
She isn’t frustrated with her - she’s just desperate for her daughter to feel happier.

Thank you.
No she hasn't got jeans, as can't wear them due to how they feel.
She wouldn't wear tights under shorts as she won't wear any layers. She can't wear tights under skirts either. She can't bear the feel or touch of layers of clothes.
She is smaller than an adult size 6.
Thank you for the ideas though.
It's very interesting that you've experienced this.
It's very stressful for her having these difficulties with clothing and she finds it very upsetting, so I just want to be able to help her. She's such an absolutely lovely girl and never complains about anything in life, so to complain about her clothes means it's a really big problem for her.

THANK YOU!!!!!💙

Bless her. I have had these issues all my life and have always, as an adult, worn loose cotton A-line dresses or too-big tunics and soft leggings, no elastic waistbands. No ND diagnosis. Pre-worn might feel more comfortable for her. Jersey waistbands are a good idea if you can sew them or get them made.

Yes, the more I'm thinking about it after your suggestion and others who've suggested the same thing, I'm now thinking that sewing on jersey waistbands might be the way to go....
It might even transform some of the skirts that she loves the look of but is unable to wear due to waistbands.
I think I can feel a sewing course and the purchase of a sewing machine coming on!😂

I had already bought these exact ones! They were no good as the elastic waist felt too uncomfortable! It is 'ruched' elastic and she couldn't bear the feel of it all ruched up on her waist. (I may have made up the word ruched!!)
Thank you so much for having a search and trying to help though, that's lovely of you!😍

Thank you.
This is now exactly what I'm starting to think I need to do......
Before now she wasn't fashion conscious so I could buy her Frugi style clothes which worked.
But now she's starting to move in to fashion territory I can see I'm going to need to get creative for her.

Thank you.
Advice noted.🙏