Paying off a child's drug debt

[freepath01]

I have a son who is 17 and I recently discovered that he owes €850 to a dealer.

It all started when he was prescribed ADHD meds a year ago. He was taking dexamphetamine prescribed by a psychiatrist . Unfortunately for him, he liked the effects and it became gateway drug to other illegal/pharmaceutical drugs.

He told us that he felt he was old enough to manage his medicine and we trusted him to take it/manage it himself. In reality, he was actually selling most or all of the pills in school in exchange for money to buy vapes, cannabis, and alcohol.

Myself and my husband were none the wiser until two weeks ago when I was buying something on a local website for selling used stuff and noticed that a user near our area had sold a Curry's gift card and an Apple watch which were the exact same gifts that we had given him for his birthday. I confronted him about this and he confessed to selling the gifts and his medications for drugs.

I wish I could say that's the worst of it but he also admitted that he lost some drugs given to him to sell. He goes to a youth group on the weekends and there was a sketchy lad the same age as him who handed him unused pills of morphine and oxycodone after his grandfather died from cancer to sell to other students/anyone he knew. He lost the pills while walking home. There were 100s of pills in a bag which were worth probably close to €1,000.

The lad told him very bluntly that if he didn't get the money or pill backs, he'd have to pay it back or else. What should I do? Should we pay or go to the police? My husband says we shouldn't pay and shop him to the police but my son says that this lad he knows is friends with some scumbag teenagers who would be the type to be involved in hardcore drug dealing/joyriding and might hurt him or our house if we reported it.

I'm prescribed tramadol. 100 tabs per box. I don't always need to take it so after a few months I have several boxes accumulated (hundreds). If I dropped dead and happened to live with family, someone could easily get their hands on hundreds of pills

Junkies lie. That's what they do. About everything. Been there with son, after TV was ' stolen' in a burglary. He sold it. Of course he did. This is not your son you're dealing with any more. It's a person in the grip of addiction. Tell the police. You'll spend literally decades regretting it if you don't.

I’d pay once, if you can afford it. Put conditions on it and swear to him that you will never do it again. And don’t . Get him to the doctor.

You should watch the new Julianne Moore film Echo Valley about consequences of bailing them out repeatedly…

Agree with many other previous comments. There are few options:

Pack up everything and move and get him in some expensive program

Disown him and call the police for your own safety

i guess there is the fantasy option of hiring someone big and scary to act as a relative who pays the debt and warns them off but you need to be sure it’s just scumbag teenagers and not some large organized crime ring, your son isn’t honest and I agree with others the debt may not even exist in the way you have been told it does.

If you pay the debt and let him stay you will still be living with a drug addict though and that never ever ends well

Why are you fulfilling repeat prescriptions for a controlled drug you do not always need and have a plentiful supply of already?

Ye have 3 options. Go to the police (and it could go well or it could have serious consequences for you all), help him pay the drug debt (but he would have to have absolutely no contact with these people again, which I don't know how likely that is if your son has a bad addiction or number 3, leave your son to sort the problem out himself and ye stay out of it (and stop enabling him also). Is he working? Has he the option of taking out a loan. Does he feel able to talk to the guards? Whatever ye choose, your son needs help. He is nearly an adult so it will be up to him whether hes ready to accept help. The only things ye can do is not to yell or criticise him (he needs to decide to fight for himself, it'll only make him feel worse) and not to enable him and keep appropriate boundaries there. That will be the hardest part and ye may have to throw him out without criticising if necessary. 'Im sorry but, I can't live with that behaviour in my house because I find it too hard, it's not good for me' etc.

I missed the would 'could'. It should have said I could have several boxes accumulated. My point was that the NHS do prescribe 100 tabs or more at a time and people can often accumulate meds. I know because I've just returned several bags of my mothers unused medication to the pharmacy.
So it wouldn't be a stretch for someone to get their hands on grandad's meds when he passed away.

I agree with others. If you possibly can do, move.

I’m on the dex for adhd so know 1st hand what he means, paying it off to him is justifying it & he’ll likely rack up more going foward, has he any gold or designer clothing , Xbox ,ps etc sell them to pay it off trust me he’ll sharp learn faster when he’s suffering.

You could talk to the doctor who knows about his condition and medication he's on too. For support at the very least. You could get support for yourself too for family members of addicts. It could be a big support and you could hear other views/experiences

I'd also agree he is lying.

If you're going to pay for it, then I suggest you implement some VERY strict rules.

1. He needs to get a job to pay you back.
2. He is grounded other than his school and his job.
3. No phone! I'd start by changing his number, he can then have a brick phone so can't look up these people, and he can only use the phone at certain times and downstairs in a room with someone else.

If he is not willing to do the above, then I'd get the police involved.

Additionally, some of those meds are morphine. It's supposed to be signed for as it's a CD, but the pharmacy delivery to her home and just drop it inside the porch I found several bags when I went round recently. I made a complaint because it was just left lying on the floor in the porch and anyone could have got their hands on it.

He was happy to be a drug dealer and spend his profits without any concern for anyone except himself.

Shop him and let him understand the consequences.

Otherwise, he will continue dealing and taking drugs.

So sorry you're going through this OP, and the stories upthread all sound so familiar.

My friend's son did similar and they bailed him out, twice. The third time, when they wouldn't pay off his debt, he robbed them of everything they had of any value - jewellery, watches, hi fi, tv's, a couple of designer handbags - anything he could sell. They refused to have him back in the house after this. He dossed around at various mates until one day they got a call from the police: he was in hospital, having been beaten up by a dealer he owed money to.

When he came out of hospital, they still wouldn't have him back home, but his (very strict) grandfather did. He made him earn his keep by working in the garden, helping with DIY etc while he recovered. GF kept him on the straight and narrow, then when he'd been off the drugs for a couple of years, his DF gave him a job at his company.

Twelve years or so on, he's stayed clean and out of trouble, has been promoted several times, is buying a flat with his girlfriend and has his life on track. He freely admits he would never have done it without the "tough love" approach.

I would call the police and then move.

He’s not that great a liar.
He knows that you want to see the best in him and I’m guessing that you make excuses for him due to his ADHD. He admitted some things (drug use) but made up the rest to make you feel for him with a little pinch of fear. I bet he said that he won’t do it again?

I highly doubt he lost them and I highly doubt the guy he got them from got them from his deceased grandfather.

Your son needs help to break away from his drug use, deceit and debts.

Please make contact with some local charities that support young people and their families. You will need to find out whether £850 is the total your son owes - paying it might get him off the hook with dealer. But if he isn't supported to break the cycle then he will be straight back to dealing and using and potentially escalating from selling his own things to selling other people's.

He could get a police record for selling drugs.

When an elderly relative who had cognitive decline died, we found lots and lots of unused medication hidden away in a wardrobe. I wouldn't rely on the aspect of someone having a lot of controlled drugs to not believe anything else. There's also the possibility that your son was told that and believed it, even though it was a lie. I'm another one that thinks it might be a deliberate debt to force him to keep dealing.

If you pay off your son's debts you will have a lifetime of paying off his debts. Go to the police and take him with you. If he won't come, kick him out. He's making you & your house a target.

Speak to your local community garda. Give them the details
Google the details for your local Drug Task Force and contact one of the support agencies listed.
Don't give him any money.
Your son is a drug dealer and user.

It is a nightmare. You and your family will find yourself up to your neck in it and living in fear. Once the dealers know you are the source of the money you will have no peace. They will threaten your son to get money out of you.
Police.

If he seemed scared and willing to engage, I would pay. I can afford it.
He would then be on the move to a rehab followed by a stay with a choice of family members who live at the other end of the country. Or we would all move.
Fucker, bringing this to your door.
But I couldn't leave him to it.

@freepath01 . My DS was very like this. Also ADHD also taking dexamphetine. He also sold it, it seems to have a high street value. I actually did give him money to pay off his debts. But then I asked for help from the local Youth Support Service. They were actually quite helpful. Not easy to get the help in the first place though. It’s a really difficult place to be, I feel for you. My DS is 21 now and slightly more sensible, although we still have challenges.

It’s exploitation regardless of whether he has lost some drugs, report it as there will be no other way this will end.

This is how county lines starts out.. You lost drugs so now you have to do this or else.
Go to the police.