Paying off a child's drug debt

[freepath01]

I have a son who is 17 and I recently discovered that he owes €850 to a dealer.

It all started when he was prescribed ADHD meds a year ago. He was taking dexamphetamine prescribed by a psychiatrist . Unfortunately for him, he liked the effects and it became gateway drug to other illegal/pharmaceutical drugs.

He told us that he felt he was old enough to manage his medicine and we trusted him to take it/manage it himself. In reality, he was actually selling most or all of the pills in school in exchange for money to buy vapes, cannabis, and alcohol.

Myself and my husband were none the wiser until two weeks ago when I was buying something on a local website for selling used stuff and noticed that a user near our area had sold a Curry's gift card and an Apple watch which were the exact same gifts that we had given him for his birthday. I confronted him about this and he confessed to selling the gifts and his medications for drugs.

I wish I could say that's the worst of it but he also admitted that he lost some drugs given to him to sell. He goes to a youth group on the weekends and there was a sketchy lad the same age as him who handed him unused pills of morphine and oxycodone after his grandfather died from cancer to sell to other students/anyone he knew. He lost the pills while walking home. There were 100s of pills in a bag which were worth probably close to €1,000.

The lad told him very bluntly that if he didn't get the money or pill backs, he'd have to pay it back or else. What should I do? Should we pay or go to the police? My husband says we shouldn't pay and shop him to the police but my son says that this lad he knows is friends with some scumbag teenagers who would be the type to be involved in hardcore drug dealing/joyriding and might hurt him or our house if we reported it.

I agree. I'd move across the country to get my ds away from this.
And get him help for addiction so we don't have to keep moving!

Not an ex junkie but I call absolute BS on this.

but he also admitted that he lost some drugs given to him to sell.

How handy! And he "admitted" it what a brave sausage.
Now you can give him an extra grand so he can get high.

You cant believe anything he says

Im with @Sabretoothtigress
This happened with my cousin he actually got a his skull fractured and that was when he was packed off. he was sent to live with us for 2 years (London from ireland) he got clean and built a new life.

Id move or send him to stay with family to break the cycle early.
Half the time Rehab is just full of junkies and they trade tips so I wouldn't start there personally. He hasn't been abusing that long right now.

Get him clean and keep him close to family.
If it was my child this is what I'd do.

Missed the €!

This is an extreeeemely bad situation OP.

My DB has a bad problem with drugs. A possible scenario here that you need to be aware of is that he may be beaten up over drug money.

Entirely wrongly, I paid about £350 of drug debt for my brother. He was being threatened with being stabbed. The only way we did it was that I took my large boyfriend with me at the time, he met the dealers, who were absolute fucking ratty oik teenagers and handed over the cash.

Did it stop him taking drugs? Nope.

Dealers are not good people and I would be livid - he has bought this problem to your door, but I would not in a million years, ever, give cash directly to your son to deal with this himself. That is not an option. I speak from bitter experience.

Only viable options are:

Kick him out

Let him stay with conditions- gets an honest job, pays the 'debt' himself, gets drug support

In terms of informing the police, its up to you.

I assume you're in Ireland. Can you move away, to a different city? Or the countryside? Although possibly they will find him there too, as Ireland is so small.

This is a really awful situation OP. I would listen to the people talking about county lines. Your son sounds like he is up in it to his neck, and is already dealing hard drugs.

Given we don't know the country, I can't offer any advice.

He goes to a youth group on the weekends and there was a sketchy lad the same age as him who handed him unused pills of morphine and oxycodone after his grandfather died from cancer to sell to other students/anyone he knew.
Unfortunately, your DS is now one of the sketchy lads.
He'll lie, guilt trip and manipulate you, before flogging your belongings to fund his habit.
Nothing you do will turn his life around.
No amount of money, reasoning or tears will make any difference to his current life choices.
Any changes need to come from him.💐

As soon as you clear any drug debt for him he is now able to get more - do not clear this debt. Its never ending. He's already very deep into his addiction if he's selling things and you clearing this debt wont stop him from getting more drugs,, in fact it will do the opposite as he now doesn't have to hide from the dealers because he has paid.

Its a really hard and lonely road being the family of an addict. Please get some support for yourself, read loads of forums and educate yourself on all their tricks and schemes. We went through YEARS of paying debts, begging, bargaining and calling police and nothing helped.

The only thing that helped for us was educating ourselves, supporting eachother and refusing to pay any money anymore. Eventually making him leave the home. I dont know what your religious views are but praying brought me so much comfort and gave me more strength than anything else. Our prayers were eventually answered and he is now clean. But there is always the worry with an addict no matter how many years they have sober. But you absolutely must save yourself years and years of a merry go round of torture and be firm NOW. Dont take any shit. Dont trust a word comes out of their mouth if moneys involved. Dont leave valuables in reach. Dont take threats. Dont let them manipulate you. And do not blame yourself.

When a person is in addiction they are the most selfish, conniving, manipulative person they can be and its because the drugs have such a hold over them they no longer have the morals or thinking of themselves anymore. So you must always be a few steps ahead and tough love is the only way. Its a horrible road to go down but you are not alone, there are so many families of addicts who are suffering alongside the addict, infant i think the loved ones are the ones who suffer more than the addict themselves.

My inbox is always open OP

Also agree with moving him away if that is an option.

What part of selling amphetamines to other children at school and (at best) a thousand's worth of stolen morphine prescribed for a dying man's pain relief to other children/young people makes your son not a 'scumbag teenager who would be the type to be involved in hardcore drug dealing'?

Your son is using and cannot be trusted! He needs to get back to GP for his Actual meds!

Get him to an NA meeting, tough love is the order of the day and every day until he his clean and straight!
*Narcotics Anonymous

As others said Dont pay the debt and going forward no one should buy him things - anything money gifts vouchers whatever.... It'll all be sold.

Also look after yourselves as well.
consider finding a therapist to help you as this is probably going to be a long and painful road 💐

Not popular opinion, I'd pay the money then move away with him. £850 is a lot but small price to pay to keep peace. Your son entered a contract unfortunately with those pills, he owes the money. Just pay it, be done and move.

He will pay it in one hand and buy more with the other, then he learns he can rack up a big drug bill again because mummy will sort it again

What else option is there, have my windows smashed in? I'd pay the debt then move without telling him in that case. He can deal with the mess on his own, not under my roof.

If I was your position, I would not pay his debt. I would encourage him to access support.

Go to the police

if you are worried about safety, then move. Yes that is dramatic and disruptive, but it will get you and your son away from the situation.

He needs to be in rehab otherwise he will always owe his dealers .Blunt yet it is the truth sorry.

Sounds like a lie to me and he probably wants money for his own drug addiction

You really need to try to nip this in the bud and get him support and professional help. It will only get worse believe me. If he carries on living with you and doesn’t get the help to come off the stuff he will no doubt move on to “brown and white”, start injecting it. He will start stealing from you and stealing things out of your home to sell. It is one slippery slope that they go down fast.
I have had first hand experience of living with a heroin user. I wish you and your family the best of luck.

Addicts are liars. I wouldn’t believe a word he says. 🤷‍♀️

my son says that this lad he knows is friends with some scumbag teenagers who would be the type to be involved in hardcore drug dealing/joyriding and might hurt him or our house if we reported it.

And yet you swallowed the story about getting leftover drugs from his sick grandfather. I understand the need to clutch at straws when faced with the cold hard facts that your son is a drug dealer, but come on now OP. Your son is telling you complete fairy tales. Convoluted stories designed to make himself the victim.

The truth is, like many a stupid young lad who sees dollar signs in his eyes and thinks he can try playing at being the big man in a dangerous world, he's got in way out of his depth. There are various possible scenarios for how he ended up owing 850 euros to someone higher up the chain here, but your son's version really isn't one of them.

If this other lad got the drugs because of his grandfather being ill then they cost him nothing and he's owed nothing because he's not out of pocket to his own supplier. If his story were true then your own son could simply threaten to report him for giving him a bulk load of drugs in the first place.

All these 'sketchy' people and 'scumbags' are not a completely separate species from your son, you realise that, don't you? Your son is no less sketchy himself. They are all cut from the same cloth. They are also someone's sons and their parents are probably pulling their hair out and looking for other bad influences to blame for the fact that their own child has become a wrong'un.

He was taking dexamphetamine prescribed by a psychiatrist . Unfortunately for him, he liked the effects and it became gateway drug to other illegal/pharmaceutical drugs.

Highly unlikely that prescribed ADHD meds were a gateway drug for cannabis. More likely that he was already a regular user of cannabis and other drugs and and knowing the street worth of amphetamines he saw the chance to keep himself supplied in cannabis and whatever else he wanted by selling his own prescribed meds. But the value of his amphetimines would be way more than he'd need to feed a weed habit so there is something else going on here.

I can't really advice you on how to handle it from here, but the first thing you need to do is take your head out of your arse and accept that he's lying through his teeth to you.

I would go straight to the police who even if they don't help will advise on who to contact as they deal with these type of situations on a daily basis. They can connect you with professional support.

Your child is also a “sketchy lad”
unlikely he would have lost £1000 worh of oills

Yoir son is a liar, a deal and a user and will continue to be this u less he gets proper help which could also include you telling the police
if you pay of this debt he will continue, he will not learn

Just want to agree with those saying this sounds like county lines - it does, sounds like the classic drug debt to manipulate your son into working for them. I've no idea what the best way of tackling it is, sorry you're in such a shit situation.