Paying off a child's drug debt

[freepath01]

I have a son who is 17 and I recently discovered that he owes €850 to a dealer.

It all started when he was prescribed ADHD meds a year ago. He was taking dexamphetamine prescribed by a psychiatrist . Unfortunately for him, he liked the effects and it became gateway drug to other illegal/pharmaceutical drugs.

He told us that he felt he was old enough to manage his medicine and we trusted him to take it/manage it himself. In reality, he was actually selling most or all of the pills in school in exchange for money to buy vapes, cannabis, and alcohol.

Myself and my husband were none the wiser until two weeks ago when I was buying something on a local website for selling used stuff and noticed that a user near our area had sold a Curry's gift card and an Apple watch which were the exact same gifts that we had given him for his birthday. I confronted him about this and he confessed to selling the gifts and his medications for drugs.

I wish I could say that's the worst of it but he also admitted that he lost some drugs given to him to sell. He goes to a youth group on the weekends and there was a sketchy lad the same age as him who handed him unused pills of morphine and oxycodone after his grandfather died from cancer to sell to other students/anyone he knew. He lost the pills while walking home. There were 100s of pills in a bag which were worth probably close to €1,000.

The lad told him very bluntly that if he didn't get the money or pill backs, he'd have to pay it back or else. What should I do? Should we pay or go to the police? My husband says we shouldn't pay and shop him to the police but my son says that this lad he knows is friends with some scumbag teenagers who would be the type to be involved in hardcore drug dealing/joyriding and might hurt him or our house if we reported it.

I'd pay one final time

There is never a final time.

He's trying to get money from you.

Time to get valuables and sentimental jewelry items out of the house where he can't take them.

This might be of use www.catch-22.org.uk/find-services/county-lines-support-and-rescue/

I wouldn’t assume this. This post screams county lines tactics from dealers looking to recruit and trap teenage boys.

@freepath01 I don’t know how many people have noticed you are in the EU. some links may not be applicable to you.

1). Upgrade your house security to the max. Keep yourselves safe first.
2). Contact a support charity for ND teenagers for advice. You cannot navigate this as you do not know the way.
3). Look for a support service for the parents of drug addicts. Strongly consider their advice.

Controversial view

I’d up sticks and move countries, or go on a long term trip.

Seriously; get your son the hell away from there. This only gets worse and worse

Take a 3 month hike through remote countries, go with him, break the cycle in any creative way you can. Seriously.

100s of morphine pills would be worth a lot more than 1,000 euro, something here doesn't add up, does the youth group know that drug dealing is going on. I'm surprised no doctor, nurse or pharmacist noticed the grandfather had that amount of controlled drugs in his house. I'd go to the police.

I suspect this is not the whole truth because as another poster has said, this is a classic debt bondage technique used by dealers.
They give their young prey some drugs to sell, they then arrange for one of their own gang to mug the young person and steal the drugs off them. The young person has no idea it's all the same people who are in on it. The dealer tells the young person, You lost the drugs, you owe me for them (of course they have got them back, since their own gang are the ones who stole them from the victim). As the victim can rarely find the money, they are then indentured to work for the dealer for free.

I find it hard to reconcile this other lad 'innocently' and opportunistically thinking of selling the drugs on but then asking somebody else to sell them on his behalf - especially as he sounds like he's already clued up as to how it all works.

In that situation, the vast, vast majority of us would just take the unused drugs from a recently-deceased loved one straight back to the chemist for safe disposal; it wouldn't cross our minds for a second to try to deal them.

Do his parents know that he took the drugs after his GF died? Is his GF even dead, or has he secretly helped himself to some of a very ill old man's much-needed prescription pain-relieving drugs, planning on dealing them instead? Either way, he's a nasty piece of work.

@MissMoneyFairy I’m a nurse. Tbh, 100 odd pills are not that many really. If someone is prescribed 50mg slow release morphine that could easily be 3 pills twice a day. So, 6 x 30=180. If he died at the start of the month then those pills could very easily go missing. Ideally someone would check, but many many people have unsecured CDs in their homes without any kind of secure storage arrangement.

Also agree. I have a family member who was an addict. The lies they came out with were absolutely wild.

As a mum I know it must be hard but do him a favour and call the police. If you start now this will never stop.

He did NOT lose the pills.

Don’t pay his debts, next time it will be more. You are not doing him any favours paying this debt. I know it feels like you are, as a mother, but you are doing the opposite of helping him.

Offer him some treatment. That’s all you can do. I’m sorry.

I love how you are describing other teenagers as "sketchy" and "scumbag" but with your son it's "unfortunately". I hope you go to the police and your son gets the shock he needs to sort himself out. Does he show any remorse or desire to stop?

I do have a friend who paid off a family member's drug debt BUT the young man had enough of a fright to turn his life around. He moved in with friend's family and lived with strict boundaries. (Also, friend's DH and other adults made clear to the dealer - also small-scale local - that there would be no further payments.)

Your son is lying,

a) The NHS doesn’t dole out “hundreds” of pills at a time. So they were pills he had bought off a dealer not a “sketchy” lad passing on his dead grandads stash.

b) he has not lost them, he sold them , spent the money and now needs more money to fund his own habit.

It's not your problem he owes money. It makes no odds whether it's to a speed dealer or a sweet shop. Don't take things you can't afford to pay for.

I know what it's like to be an addict but to try and guilt trip your parents to pay your debts is bollocks and will only end in tears. He's giving you a sobber to make you pay for his drug habit. Think about how that will actually help.

His circus and monkeys, not yours.

If he is willing then they and get him to go to AA or equivalent, that's free and they do meetings everywhere multiple times a day.

If you pay he will just run up another debt.

Another vote for lying. Tell him you want to speak to the drug dealer yourself, in person. Once you’ve set the meeting up, you can decide if you’ll involve the police?

I mean, the way you can tell that addicts lie is that their lips are moving.

He’s lying. He didn’t lose the tablets. They either didn’t exist or he sold them and frittered the money away. You need advice from someone who knows the situation and who won’t get you and your family in more trouble. Look for local services who might help.

I wouldn’t do that. The dealer will get warning then and can concoct a story. Also, how do you know the dealer isn’t in on it and will back the son up in order to get his share of the money?

I doubt he really lost the drugs.

But I would pay his debt as long as I thought he had learnt his lesson.

You obviously need to monitor him very closely in future.

Honestly I would pack up and move hundreds of miles away. Or kick him out.

If you have younger children in the house you need to move quick before they get sucked in too.

As others have said, his story is BS and if you pay this, you will just be paying for the next thing and the next.

@viques please note the OP speaks in Euros. I don’t believe the NHS is available to her.

I’ve been where you are and I was just as naive thinking everyone else was scum but my boy was innocent in all of this. He was the same age too.

In the end we told my son we were going to the police about HIM. We told him he had a few days before he went. He threw the biggest tantrum, broke things, threatened to kill himself, etc. It was all guilt trip to stop us doing it. I very nearly broke but my husband stayed strong.

when ds realised we were serious he left home. He stayed with a friend who was also a dealer. We didn’t go to the police as I couldn’t go through with it.

he came home a month later asking for help. Not money but actual help getting his life on track and getting clean. It took a long six months but he has been clean for 2 years. When he started his treatment and we knew he was serious we paid his debt off -about 2k. He changed his friendship group and has nothing to do with them now, got an apprenticeship and generally became a nicer person. He is now 2 years clean.

Pay the dealer. He entered into a contract with him and then broke it. Whether its legal or illegal is not the point imo...he gave his word and broke it. Now he owes.

Pay it. And then get him professional help. You don’t mess around with drug debts.