Husband comment to best friend, clumsy or strange

SunseekerJen · 2025-07-19T13:48:31+00:00

I had my best friend over for dinner last night. Husband was out with friends and arrived home whilst my friend was still here. My friend had been upset whilst talking with me about some relationship issues, one of which related to trying for a child and her own husband not being overly empathetic or forthcoming with trying often enough due to being tired with work etc. When my H arrived home it was clear my friend had been crying. He asked her if she was okay. My friend is an over-sharer and made no secret previously they were trying for a child. So she told my H she was upset about not being pregnant yet and that her H was often giving reasons not to try. My H said something along the lines of he must be mad and is surprised he isn’t enjoying the opportunity to have lots of ‘fun’ with her. My friend continued the conversation (she didn’t find the response odd). This might be my insecurity, but I don’t think H should have said what he did. A while ago he made a comment about my friend and it has clearly stayed in my mind. I have spoke to him and he says I’m reading too much into it and he was just trying to be friendly as he could see my friend was upset. Now I don’t know if am overreacting?

PrettyYellow30 · 19/07/2025 14:51

What a strange comment! If that was my husband I would be annoyed!

Mummypie21 · 19/07/2025 14:53

That's an odd comment but if it's a one-off, I would just assume he's a bit clumsy with words.

AlloaintheMiddle · 19/07/2025 14:53

I agree, it’s clumsy…. he’s not talking to his mate but your girlfriend.

I would let go unless he has an habit of being sleazy.

pictoosh · 19/07/2025 14:53

Clumsy...genuine surprise and an attempt at being humorous. Landed badly with you but your friend didn't seem to mind.

Original poster

SunseekerJen · 19/07/2025 14:55

Aside from the past comment which he apologised for after being pulled up on, he generally isn’t sleazy, no. But it’s triggered me a bit because that was about the same friend.

OP posts:

fthisfthatfeverything · 19/07/2025 14:55

I think everyone relates trying for a baby as having lots of s3x.
so, I think although a female quite possibly wouldn’t say it. Most men do.

I’ve friends that got pregnant straight away and joke that their husband was disappointed he didn’t get to try longer 😜

ChocolateGanache · 19/07/2025 14:57

What was the past comment?

Rainpigeon · 19/07/2025 14:58

I think your overthinking unless you have other suspicions about your husband's feelings towards your friend? I find it a pretty normal comment. It's potentially a pretty awkward conversation for him to be drawn into and he made a fairly standard benign comment. What do you expect him to contribute to such a conversation? He has gently agreed with your friend that her husband is a bit lacking and the conversation moved on. Your friend wasn't offended. I don't see the issue.

BCBird · 19/07/2025 14:59

I don't think it's appropriate tbh

Original poster

SunseekerJen · 19/07/2025 14:59

ChocolateGanache · 19/07/2025 14:57

What was the past comment?

We were on a night out with our friendship group and he made a couple of (positive) remarks about my friends outfit. When we arrived home, he asked if I could change into something similar as it would really turn him on. He was drunk, and apologised profusely in the following days. But it did make me think he finds my friend attractive.

OP posts:

ExtraOnions · 19/07/2025 15:00

SunseekerJen · 19/07/2025 14:59

We were on a night out with our friendship group and he made a couple of (positive) remarks about my friends outfit. When we arrived home, he asked if I could change into something similar as it would really turn him on. He was drunk, and apologised profusely in the following days. But it did make me think he finds my friend attractive.

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He might find her attractive … there are plenty of men I find attractive, I’m not planning on cheating on my husband.

Dramatic · 19/07/2025 15:03

SunseekerJen · 19/07/2025 14:59

We were on a night out with our friendship group and he made a couple of (positive) remarks about my friends outfit. When we arrived home, he asked if I could change into something similar as it would really turn him on. He was drunk, and apologised profusely in the following days. But it did make me think he finds my friend attractive.

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With this history I'd be pissed off about the new comment too.

neverbeenskiing · 19/07/2025 15:03

SunseekerJen · 19/07/2025 14:59

We were on a night out with our friendship group and he made a couple of (positive) remarks about my friends outfit. When we arrived home, he asked if I could change into something similar as it would really turn him on. He was drunk, and apologised profusely in the following days. But it did make me think he finds my friend attractive.

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He asked you to dress up like your best mate in order to turn him on? That's vile.

sweeneytoddsrazor · 19/07/2025 15:06

I think most men equate ttc with having plenty of sex and a lighthearted comment from him is probably easier than some sort of emotional conversation.
As for the previous comment again he noticed her outfit but asked you to wear it because you would turn him on in it.

ChocolateGanache · 19/07/2025 15:10

He sounds like a bit of a twat who says stupid things.

ChocolateGanache · 19/07/2025 15:11

Presumably he’s always been a bit like this?

AtomHeartMotherOfGod · 19/07/2025 15:13

You can't help who you fancy - maybe he does but until he acts on it, I wouldn't worry. There's not much you can do to stop it either, beyond saying what you have noticed and making it clear what will happen if he does act on his feelings.

I've met many husbands that I've had a bit of a thing for, but I've never shown these feelings. It's potentially a revealing response but are you going to divorce because your DH is human?

Update - read the past comment; that is more problematic for me. His fancying is more active than passive and he needs to do better at the aforementioned 'repressing'.

Skittles123456 · 19/07/2025 15:21

I think it’s strange what your friend said to your husband. I wouldn’t share something so personal with a friend’s husband.

Laura95167 · 19/07/2025 16:14

Clumsy. Probably wasnt expecting your friend to go into that level of detail and made a crass comment to deflect

Evaka · 19/07/2025 16:16

SunseekerJen · 19/07/2025 14:59

We were on a night out with our friendship group and he made a couple of (positive) remarks about my friends outfit. When we arrived home, he asked if I could change into something similar as it would really turn him on. He was drunk, and apologised profusely in the following days. But it did make me think he finds my friend attractive.

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Oh god, that's really gross. Yeah. Im afraid it sounds like he's into her :(.

Jacobs4 · 19/07/2025 16:17

He really fancies your friend and can’t always hide it. Pretty simple really.

Boomer55 · 19/07/2025 16:20

Can't see the problem to be honest. 🤷‍♀️

Screamingabdabz · 19/07/2025 16:21

Yep men always go for the ‘what’s in it for them’ angle - who gives a shit about some woman’s distress, think of all the fun he’ll have with all the sex!

Yes I’d be pissed off if my DH was so lacking in social awareness around a friend like that. He sounds a bit thick and juvenile.

LadyKenya · 19/07/2025 16:25

Skittles123456 · 19/07/2025 15:21

I think it’s strange what your friend said to your husband. I wouldn’t share something so personal with a friend’s husband.

This. No way would I talk to another person's Husband, friend, or not, about such a personal thing. I think that was a bizarre thing for her to do.

Disturbia81 · 19/07/2025 16:28

Giving him the benefit of the doubt, he could have meant it not specific to her. As in a man should be happy that the woman he’s with wants lots of sex with him.