Husband comment to best friend, clumsy or strange

[SunseekerJen]

I had my best friend over for dinner last night. Husband was out with friends and arrived home whilst my friend was still here. My friend had been upset whilst talking with me about some relationship issues, one of which related to trying for a child and her own husband not being overly empathetic or forthcoming with trying often enough due to being tired with work etc.

When my H arrived home it was clear my friend had been crying. He asked her if she was okay. My friend is an over-sharer and made no secret previously they were trying for a child. So she told my H she was upset about not being pregnant yet and that her H was often giving reasons not to try.

My H said something along the lines of he must be mad and is surprised he isn’t enjoying the opportunity to have lots of ‘fun’ with her. My friend continued the conversation (she didn’t find the response odd).

This might be my insecurity, but I don’t think H should have said what he did. A while ago he made a comment about my friend and it has clearly stayed in my mind.

I have spoke to him and he says I’m reading too much into it and he was just trying to be friendly as he could see my friend was upset. Now I don’t know if am overreacting?

Does it matter, though, that you have different boundaries from her friend? Are you saying your boundaries are superior?

I don't think it's sinister, but a bit clumsy.

Also what someone said upthread about the clothes comment; I'd read that more as 'you'd look really hot in that' rather than 'she is hot'. If you follow. It was about the clothes, not the person - as I read it, anyway.

I don't think the sex comment is that bad tbh, it's just something to say really.

The clothing comment doesn't necessarily mean he fancies your friend. I said to DH "get some 'slutty little glasses' like Jonathon Bailey. I don't fancy JB but thought the glasses look great on him & know they would really suit my DH.

Your DH said he is surprised your friends DH isn’t enjoying the opportunity to have fun with her because we all know most husbands would love the chance for lots of sex. He didn’t say he’d enjoy the opportunity. I think it’s more to do with your insecurities

This is a forum, where opinions may differ. Maybe it is not for you!

DH has two good looking friends, he knows, I know - it’s ok. It doesn’t mean I’ll cheat.
Your DH finds your friend attractive, can’t always hide it, probably felt a bit awkward if she was crying, had he been drinking too?
People have eyes…

I think he just didn't know what to say and felt awkward when he walked into it so he made a light-hearted comment about it. Chances are that he didn't want to discuss the topic any further and just relax after being out. He was probably trying to make her feel better or make her smile. Ya, it probably was a bit inappropriate but I doubt he meant any harm by it. My opinion

If he had been drinking it could be a factor too. He could have been in a bit of a jolly, even flirty mood. Even if he had no intention of doing anything with your friend.

This definitely adds perspective and yes I’d be upset about the new comment more knowing this.
As someone who was “trying” for a long time we had multiple people put a “positive” spin on the having fun part. I didn’t find your initial post odd just probably a bit tactless, but knowing what was said before he’s definitely crossing the line.

Does he say a lot of stupid things?

He’s 100% got a crush on your friend.

You cannot control what people say
It was a weird comment probably said trying to be funny

Clearly he finds her attractive and foolishly let you know.

He will find many women attractive though - you do realise that is normal?

As long as he isnt acting on it, so what if he finds yr friend attractive?

I don’t know , I had a partner one time who commented to me on a dress my friend was wearing, how he’d like to see me in it , he thought it was sexy , I didn’t take offence to be honest ..Obviously I realised he thought she looked good in it , she is attractive 🤷🏻‍♀️
Like to be honest OP , sure we all take notice of attractive people, it doesn’t mean we’d love to have sex with them if we could , & these people are very often people in our lives , people in our friend group …

Your DH was probably embarrassed to be faced by a tearful woman, and gave a clumsy reply. I wouldn’t be upset, sounds like her OH is an arse and your DH was trying to make her feel better.

It's a clumsy attempt at trying to make her feel better.

He may well have been surprised at your friend over sharing her personal life - and tried to make light of it. A lot of men would be very offended if their wives were sharing that kind of detail with their friends let alone friends husbands. Just let it go.

Inappropriate and icky.

To be fair, she said he was giving reasons not to try enough, what was he meant it say, ah yea sure why would he you’re horrible looking? Sounds like he was just trying to make her feel better, I’d say there’s few men who’d get caught up in a conversation about TTC with an upset woman and react/say something perfectly

I don’t think what he said is an issue in itself, OP clearly has an issue with him considering her friend attractive though. This is mainly about OPs insecurity.

I don’t think it was that bad at all tbh

This. Honestly, I sometimes read posts and wonder how anyone dares open their mouths these days. He was clearly trying to make light of the original situation without going all girly/sad. Typical man response. Previous conversation he was drunk, not thinking and encouraging you to wear something that would turn him on! I don’t get the worry one bit!

I don’t think there is anything wrong with what he said. However I can understand why you feel the way you do because of the previous comment.

Your DH stepped over the line saying this, but quite honestly your friend doesn't sound any better! She was basically saying 'my husband won't shag me as often as I'd like' to her best friend's HUSBAND. I can't imagine any situation EVER, where I would say this to my best friends's husband!

I'd be keeping an eye on her if I were you (and wouldn't be having her around my house for quite a long time!) In fact, I'd be giving her a wide berth for a little while.......