Husband comment to best friend, clumsy or strange

[SunseekerJen]

I had my best friend over for dinner last night. Husband was out with friends and arrived home whilst my friend was still here. My friend had been upset whilst talking with me about some relationship issues, one of which related to trying for a child and her own husband not being overly empathetic or forthcoming with trying often enough due to being tired with work etc.

When my H arrived home it was clear my friend had been crying. He asked her if she was okay. My friend is an over-sharer and made no secret previously they were trying for a child. So she told my H she was upset about not being pregnant yet and that her H was often giving reasons not to try.

My H said something along the lines of he must be mad and is surprised he isn’t enjoying the opportunity to have lots of ‘fun’ with her. My friend continued the conversation (she didn’t find the response odd).

This might be my insecurity, but I don’t think H should have said what he did. A while ago he made a comment about my friend and it has clearly stayed in my mind.

I have spoke to him and he says I’m reading too much into it and he was just trying to be friendly as he could see my friend was upset. Now I don’t know if am overreacting?

Your DH stepped over the line saying this, but quite honestly your friend doesn't sound any better! She was basically saying 'my husband won't shag me as often as I'd like' to her best friend's HUSBAND. I can't imagine any situation EVER, where I would say this to my best friends's husband!

I'd be keeping an eye on her if I were you (and wouldn't be having her around my house for quite a long time!) In fact, I'd be giving her a wide berth for a little while.......

😂

Would you ask your husband to dress like one of them in order to turn you on?

You’re jealous and her partner doesn’t want a baby. What a fun evening.

So your friend tells your DH she isn't getting enough at home but that's okay because she is an oversharer but not okay for your DH to say her DH must be mad for not wanting more "fun". The comment about the outfit too, he wanted YOU to wear similar as he finds it sexy not your friend. I have often seen a shirt or something on a man and thought my DH would look sexy in it. 🤷🏻‍♀️

What?! I missed that in your subsequent posts. Your husband wants you to dress like your friend? As it will turn him on?????

WTAF? So many red flags here!

Was it your husband's best friend who was wearing the shirt that you thought was 'sexy?'

No. I thought not.

A strange to him woman comes to his home and is telling him she cannot get pregnant because her husband does not sleep with her often enough. That is already a hoot in itself. What is he supposed to say???? She is crying also. Another uncomfortable element to her being in his home

He is not sleazy. He is a being a normal man , they are straightforward and sex for the majority of men is quite a bit of priority, unlike her husband

This just seems like a joke to lightin the mood. Maybe give her a compliment

There are more important things to worry about, surely....?

I think the comment is really strange. And what he said earlier about you dressing like her to turn him on is disgusting and disrespectful to you.

It was grim wasn't it?

This is sleazy… this recent comment is quite normal and I’ve heard many people say it!

I dont think its that weird a comment from him tbh, but i def wouldnt want my husband to be reassuring my friend about her attractiveness any more than this.
You dont overshare stuff like that with your friends husbands.

Sorry based on initial post I thought you were being unreasonable about a clumsy comment but that’s grim

Based on the op, I would have said that his comment was quite a natural comment to make when you want to be lighthearted and get out of the situation.

But with the backstory of him fancying her it feels different.

I don’t know, it was probably a bit awkward for him and he tried to make light of it. Or yeah, he fancies her and can’t believe her partner doesn’t want to have lots of sex with her.

I think my DH would have said "trying is the fun part" and not been specific about having fun with her so I think it could be a clumsy way of saying that..

What was the comment he said prior?

I think it's just a clumsy man comment to try and make her feel better, he probably just felt awkward and unsure what to say faced woth a crying acquaintance talking about her fertility struggles. I wouldn't read into it unless there's anything else going on that you're worried about.

Such a strange comment. Why would she be superior ? Just normal surely?

I am in the clumsy team. DH would have been mortified to be asked that and would have said similar.

the outfit thing, who knows. But like others have said it’s an opinion. He didn’t say, or go and sleep with friend. He just said can you wear that? For all we know it could have been anything from fancy dress to a totally different outfit to OP.

when we have posts from people not allowed friends round, to people having affairs at concerts, I really just think clumsy if that’s the only two things that have happened.

although friend needs to show some boundaries as well.

I would have said clumsy but then I read the bit about him asking to dress like your friend to turn him on ….not surprised you were triggered.

Sounds like a bloke not knowing what to say and trying to be nice and doing it awkwardly.

I agree.

Poor bloke, what was he supposed to say? He was probably taken by surprise and made a joke of it.

So what? Let it go.

As a girl I have made similar jokes and would think nothing of it

I think the comment sounds clumsy rather than anything else.

The thing about the outfit... If your friend was wearing a short dress and you usually wear jeans, was it a case of "oh, you'd look great in a short dress/red shirt/sheer blouse, I'd love to see you wearing that"? Because that's very different to him asking you to dress up to look like your friend, which is how some people seem to be interpreting it. My first thought was the former, and that he was thinking about you in a certain outfit rather than wishing you looked like your friend.