Husband comment to best friend, clumsy or strange

[SunseekerJen]

I had my best friend over for dinner last night. Husband was out with friends and arrived home whilst my friend was still here. My friend had been upset whilst talking with me about some relationship issues, one of which related to trying for a child and her own husband not being overly empathetic or forthcoming with trying often enough due to being tired with work etc.

When my H arrived home it was clear my friend had been crying. He asked her if she was okay. My friend is an over-sharer and made no secret previously they were trying for a child. So she told my H she was upset about not being pregnant yet and that her H was often giving reasons not to try.

My H said something along the lines of he must be mad and is surprised he isn’t enjoying the opportunity to have lots of ‘fun’ with her. My friend continued the conversation (she didn’t find the response odd).

This might be my insecurity, but I don’t think H should have said what he did. A while ago he made a comment about my friend and it has clearly stayed in my mind.

I have spoke to him and he says I’m reading too much into it and he was just trying to be friendly as he could see my friend was upset. Now I don’t know if am overreacting?

All it means is that your friend is attractive. Simple fact. So what?

Clumsy to ask you to dress like her though. That would never go down well so he’s a bit of a twit, but no more.

But … does your friend dress in a more provocative way when at parties than you do OP? What was she wearing that so got his attention?

Us blokes are simple souls and like that sort of shallow stuff. It’s evolutionary; baked into our limbic systems.

He’s asked you to wear something in a style he finds sexy, but unfortunately in a crass and unhelpful way which has irritated you. I suggest you look past that, and go shopping.

Use his credit card. 🤣 He won’t mind.

I’m pretty sure this exact thread was on a few weeks ago?

I've deffo read this before

This, I’m afraid.

Like a PP has said, you can’t help who you fancy. But I think the very best thing you can do is let it go and rise above it. Confidence is sexier than anything.

Same that's what I've just replied. Literally word for word and the previous comment is the same too

Thank you!

I was just coming on to say this, but slightly doubting myself.

Exactly the same phrase too - 'Lots of fun'.

grow up

This could be filed under the current ‘Unexpectedly Brilliant Purchases’ thread, but my DH bought some cheap ‘slutty’ sunglasses to go on holiday last week, and they are a game-changer!

Sorry, back to you OP.

This was my first take on it too…

This! And yes, he does fancy your mate.

This isn’t odd to me.

sounds a light hearted matey comment

Friend shared her dh was having as much sex as she wants, I can understand why dh felt a bit awkward. I dont see any issue with that comment.

OP why have you posted a thread word for word the exact same as a thread a few weeks ago?

The comment was an uncomfortable attempt to try and cheer her up and jolly her along.

The previous comment suggests yes he does find her attractive, or at least did in that instance. It's a turn off and he shouldn't have said it, but he is bound to find other women attractive, he's not a brick.

Well he was invited into the conversations and gave what he thought she'd want to here.

If he had said it in private to me, I'd be annoyed, sounds like he was trying to comfort her albeit awkwardly.

Tbh the “having fun practicing” when ttc is quite a common trope, I imagine he possibly felt a little uncomfortable at interrupting your evening at a bit of a sensitive time (when your friend had been crying), asked what was wrong (as is conventional in this scenario) and then didn’t know how to respond so just blurted out what he said. Not a massive deal (as in I wouldn’t assume he intended to be sexual/sleazy), just that he said something a little inappropriate in the moment because he wasn’t emotionally sophisticated enough to know the right thing to say. (Unless he has form for being pervy around your friends, in which case completely different)

Is this friend gorgeous?

To me, his reaction to profusely apologise for days makes it unlikely to be just him fancying op in a short skirt.

It’s a clumsy attempt at light-heartedness / humour. The person to whom it was said didn’t take offence. It’s really not worth any headspace whatsoever.

You're right, he massively overstepped. And considering he already told you you should dress like your friend as it turned him on, he definitely fancies her.

But never fear, mumsnet coolwives will flood the thread to tell you otherwise and pretend it's misogyny to call them coolwives 😅😂😅

Anyway, I will respond to them by laughing at them.

So, your husband fancies your friend and is now gaslighting you. Good luck, you're going to need it.

Your husband's social skills were not up to responding to your friend appropriately, so he waded in with some inappropriate male centred projection, focusing on the sex part of it. If you say he isn't typically sleazy then I'd say on the spur of the moment, his sexism came to the fore (because he clearly thinks how often a couple has sex has to be tied to how attractive the woman is, and all women can be comforted by the thought men want sex with them) and he failed to apply his usual social filter. I don't know whether he fancies your friend or not, but I do know his attitudes need work.

It’s not helpful to say to someone struggling to conceive that at least you can have lots of fun trying. The longer you go on trying without success the less fun it gets and more like a chore. Honestly people who have conceived easily don’t know
the half of it.

Bonus points for mentioning OPs “insecurities” and how they should go to therapy for them

I think he didn't know what to say. The first thing that registered was that a man was seemingly refusing sex, which he picked up on as odd as presumably he likes sex and thinks most other men probably also do.

To be honest I'd have taken it as an awkward joke. It certainly doesn't sound as if your husband was trying to flirt with her.

I'd imagine it was a bit cringe for him to seemingly walk into the middle of a deep and meaningful weepy convo about relationships, conception etc. Not that you and your friend shouldn't have been talking about that.

but I wouldn't hold it against him, put it that way.

Unless he has form for fancying her or flirting with her or other mates of yours?