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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Fat bias exists

133 replies

Oldfatbrenda · 19/07/2025 10:37

Over a year ago I posted as I couldn't find work. I was a size 20/22 and also in my 40s. I had head and shoulder interviews on teams and when they saw me in person it was a no. I felt like this was both age and weight bias.
One unpleasant woman who was clearly into her own looks and fashion, looked me up and down and when I left I heard her laughing. I'm convinced it was about me.
I was lucky and did get a way better job than that a few weeks later and at that point I had made the decision to try much harder to lose some significant weight.
I'm now a size 14/16 and I know without a doubt that people treat me differently. It's sad that many people are this way and look down on fat people as being lazy, having no willpower or that they will be too unhealthy to do their job.
Just for the record, I have had 1 sick day in over a year. Most of that time I was still technically obese.
Before this job search I did a bit of physical work in a hotel and yes it was bloody hard because of my size but I pulled my weight (sorry) almost more than the others to show I could and wasn't holding the team back. Yes I'd be dripping and have to go to bed when I got home but I was a model employee.
Anyway just wanted to come and say all that. I wasn't imagining it - but luckily there are still people who don't judge on looks and age. Thank the lord.
Anyone going through similar, don't give up. It will be harder but not impossible.

OP posts:
N0sferatu · 22/07/2025 17:19

CinnamonCinnabar · 22/07/2025 09:25

I'm sure bias against overweight people exists but the obesity epidemic has also generated higher costs for everyone- bariatric equipment in the NHS, extra nursing costs to safely move someone, someone using 2 seats on the bus when they only paid for 1, and clothing manufacturers making a much wider range of sizes - which increases unsold stock, pattern design costs and a size 10 is priced the same as a 20 despite the 20 using more fabric and taking longer to construct (and yes I know wholesale fabric & labour are cheap but when it's a global retailer ordering 10s of thousands of units it adds up)

What's your point here. Are you suggesting that fat bias is justified because fat people cost society more than thin people?

WhatdoesitmeanKeith · 24/07/2025 20:35

Bobafett2020 · 22/07/2025 08:45

Maybe, but its still a horrible thing to admit to

It might not be what you want to hear, but it does happen and to pretend otherwise is just kidding yourself and naive.

Bobafett2020 · 24/07/2025 20:50

WhatdoesitmeanKeith · 24/07/2025 20:35

It might not be what you want to hear, but it does happen and to pretend otherwise is just kidding yourself and naive.

Its nothing to do with what I do or don't want to hear, I am lucky enough not to be overweight. There is a big difference between 'pretending otherwise' and needlessly telling an elderly person who has admitted being overweight that they are likely to die from it without knowing anything about them, or what they have been through, or what their health issues may or may not be.
Stop making assumptions about people

Bobafett2020 · 24/07/2025 20:50

Its nothing to do with what I do or don't want to hear, I am lucky enough not to be overweight. There is a big difference between 'pretending otherwise' and needlessly telling an elderly person who has admitted being overweight that they are likely to die from it without knowing anything about them, or what they have been through, or what their health issues may or may not be.
Stop making assumptions about people

redpin · 24/07/2025 20:57

Being overweight is tough because it's so visible. I had a platonic friend who was an alcoholic to the point where he regularly wet himself either at home or in other peoples homes, he was a heavy smoker who didn't clean his teeth for decades and then required a lot of dental work to save his teeth. However he said some really unkind things to me when I gained a lot of weight and told me he was embarrassed to be seen with me. I had a lot of empathy for his struggles but he didn't have much for me or mine. I think perhaps because he could just about present the image he wanted to the outside world while I was obviously fat and my struggles were apparent.

I think in the end he was projecting his own fear and shame onto me and I think we see that in society at large as well when it comes to attitudes to bigger people.

WhatdoesitmeanKeith · 24/07/2025 20:58

Bobafett2020 · 24/07/2025 20:50

Its nothing to do with what I do or don't want to hear, I am lucky enough not to be overweight. There is a big difference between 'pretending otherwise' and needlessly telling an elderly person who has admitted being overweight that they are likely to die from it without knowing anything about them, or what they have been through, or what their health issues may or may not be.
Stop making assumptions about people

That wasn’t the post I was referring to! Oh dear.

Bobafett2020 · 24/07/2025 21:21

WhatdoesitmeanKeith · 24/07/2025 20:58

That wasn’t the post I was referring to! Oh dear.

Oh no, my fault I think, sorry, was answering on the go! Yes I will let you have that one, it certainly happens!

Disturbia81 · 27/07/2025 09:33

redpin · 24/07/2025 20:57

Being overweight is tough because it's so visible. I had a platonic friend who was an alcoholic to the point where he regularly wet himself either at home or in other peoples homes, he was a heavy smoker who didn't clean his teeth for decades and then required a lot of dental work to save his teeth. However he said some really unkind things to me when I gained a lot of weight and told me he was embarrassed to be seen with me. I had a lot of empathy for his struggles but he didn't have much for me or mine. I think perhaps because he could just about present the image he wanted to the outside world while I was obviously fat and my struggles were apparent.

I think in the end he was projecting his own fear and shame onto me and I think we see that in society at large as well when it comes to attitudes to bigger people.

Wow, I hope you’re not still friends

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