Fat bias exists

[Oldfatbrenda]

Over a year ago I posted as I couldn't find work. I was a size 20/22 and also in my 40s. I had head and shoulder interviews on teams and when they saw me in person it was a no. I felt like this was both age and weight bias.
One unpleasant woman who was clearly into her own looks and fashion, looked me up and down and when I left I heard her laughing. I'm convinced it was about me.
I was lucky and did get a way better job than that a few weeks later and at that point I had made the decision to try much harder to lose some significant weight.
I'm now a size 14/16 and I know without a doubt that people treat me differently. It's sad that many people are this way and look down on fat people as being lazy, having no willpower or that they will be too unhealthy to do their job.
Just for the record, I have had 1 sick day in over a year. Most of that time I was still technically obese.
Before this job search I did a bit of physical work in a hotel and yes it was bloody hard because of my size but I pulled my weight (sorry) almost more than the others to show I could and wasn't holding the team back. Yes I'd be dripping and have to go to bed when I got home but I was a model employee.
Anyway just wanted to come and say all that. I wasn't imagining it - but luckily there are still people who don't judge on looks and age. Thank the lord.
Anyone going through similar, don't give up. It will be harder but not impossible.

It absolutely exists! In my life I've been 22 stone, 10 stone, and now I'm back to 20 stone (really long story), and it's just astonishing the difference in the way people treat you!

Yes there is fat prejudice especially on aeroplanes.
Congratulations on losing all that weight. I hope you keep it off . The latter is more difficult. I type from experience.

Why not diet and become a healthy weight then?

Of course people will treat you differently for being over weight, we are conditioned to see being overweight as unattractive

Fat bias definitely exists. I read the book “what we don’t talk about when we talk about fat” by Aubrey Gordon and it really opened my eyes and forced me to reflect on my own fat phobia.

I was quite overweight for most of my late teens and 20s, finally managed to control my weight from my 30s onwards. I’ve give up and down a bit since then (I’m 41 now and around a 10-12).
My eating issues were probably largely due to trauma and undiagnosed neurodivergence.

I have been treated differently absolutely due to my weight when larger. But I’ve also been on the side of having an inner bias against other people who are overweight. It’s not something I’m proud of but I’ve spent a lot of time reflecting on why I have this.
I think fear plays a part. Thinner people may have had to restrict their natural behaviours somewhat to stay a healthy size. They don’t want to be fat and fear that. So when they see larger people, they can’t control their dislike of people who represent what they fear in themselves.

It’s less about attraction and more about respect, friendliness, warmth that everyone should be able to receive at any weight. Judging people on their abilities and skills rather than looks.

Yes people definitely treat fat people like they’re thick.

Totally get it. Have lost weight and feel seen again rather than people looking through you. Even sales people like did they not think I had money before? I could clearly afford all the food! 😂 so strange the way people talk to you more. Didn’t realise people interacted differently with me. Didn’t know my extra weight impacted me like that. Odd realisation.

Of course it's that easy...

Of course people will treat you differently for being over weight, we are

and you're wrong about that - yes people judge but not always negatively - in some cultures being fat is associated with wealth, fertility, and social status.

I was told how important it is to read to my DC the other day. I nodded and smiled and didn’t say I once led on reading interventions at work. It wasn’t said to the other mum, also reading to her DC.

By the spelling, l would hazard a guess that this poster is from the USA, where a size 16 is equivalent to a British size 20.

100%. I remember I lost a lot of weight with Crohn's disease. I had never been very skinny before. I looked healthy otherwise but I was very skinny/underweight. One day I was in a cafe. When I saw 2 separate tables of people looking over at me. I heard a woman say, god I'd hate to be that think. It's looks awful. You can see her bones. Another agreed. I know, and it doesn't even look well, her clothes are hanging off her. It looks disgusting. A man with them agreed. I was skinny for a few months and in that time I noticed how socially acceptable it was to comment on someone/including to their face that they looked too thin.

I was told dished out more food when eating out while people laughed and got comments about my weight until I told them the reason behind it. It made me wonder is that what naturally skinny people have to deal with. You would never publicly laugh at an overweight person and take food away from them because they need to lose a few pounds or call them really chubby to their face

Bit of a 'do bears shit in the woods', OP!

But attractiveness is in part culturally driven. For example what was considered beautiful in Renaissance, Victorian, 1920s or current times are very different. Given that relative slimness is considered generally more attractive people are drawn to that in the West. I'm neither particularly slim nor beautiful and I just know this. No point in complaining as I can't change my looks much. Also medium extroversion is also valued. Do you honestly think we can eliminate all forms of judgement?

Exactly the point I was try to make to other poster who was suggesting that we are somehow designed to see fat as unattractive.. and no we can't eliminate all judgements that would be foolish to think so - but we can be more aware and not so bloody awful to other people....

Yes it does exist. There may be valid reasons for this.

Of course it exists. Like ‘attractiveness’ bias exists. Etc etc.

I get this ive been on both sides.
I had the body of a model slim toned you name it, it took a lot of hard work to get it.
I did it because i was fed up of being the fat one bullied for it i was size 16-18 at the time.

A few years later i went from size 8 to a size 16.
I was treated alot lot different even my partner left me.
Im now a size 12 and i like it i dont care what others say i learned to love me for me.
If i get bigger i will get bigger clothes.

Skinny bias exists too. People will be judgemental about anything!

Of course it does. I’m considerably overweight myself and I am guilty of it too. I do judge people on how they look, I think it’s almost impossible not to! I think people gravitate to people who look like they do - so many groups of friends and they look like carbon copies of each other! And this is also why of one person in a group loses or gains a fair amount they find their friends not as supportive as they would expect.

Wow.

I was a size 24 with many illness and disabilities. I was pretty much bedbound.
I went to my GP a lot due to this and felt fobbed off constantly.

I'm now a size 8 (god bless gastric bypass) and while I still have the illnesses and disabilities (they aren’t weight related, but my weight was mainly disability related) I now get offered X-rays and MRI etc (I’ve had more investigations in the 5 years since my bypass, than in the previous 20+ years). I get referred to various hospital departments and I never hear “It’s down to your weight” when speaking to consultants. They actually seem interested in helping me!

it’s wonderful.

people also don’t look down at me when I order food and eat out.

Fat bias is VERY real, I’ll never allow myself to be overweight again.

I’m in a friend group of 4. At size 24 I was the smallest.

I am now a size 8 and my friends have been wonderful. My biggest friend was so impressed with my progress that she asked her GP for help and she had weight loss surgery a few months ago, I’m so proud of her for taking action, but I loved her no matter what.

my family though… totally different story. Other than my husband, kids and mum it was dreadful.

When I was younger I was always naturally slim a size 8/10 (dad was very skinny).
At work I was constantly bullied, especially by older women. I was told that I should eat more. I had a very healthy appetite.
I Remember walking out of work one day and a group of women behind me laughing saying I may fall between the cracks in the pavement. If I spoke to them in the office they would pretend they couldn’t see me because I was standing sideways.
Eventually I went to the GP who told me I should eat cream cakes and drink alcohol if I wanted to put on weight.

My son is very slim and has had lots of zoom interviews which have gone really well. When he goes for the in-person one he doesn’t get through.

Some people have an inner ‘ideal’ of what a person should look like and dismiss anyone who doesn’t match up.

Well done on your weigh loss and your new job! I admire your willpower!

Yes fat bias exists, in the same way that if somebody turned up at work looking like they’d spent the night sleeping on a park bench. Or didn’t take a shower for a month. People would judge them for that. It’s basically a sign you don’t take care of yourself.

(And being stick insect thin will also lead to judgements)

Humans are hard-wired to make instant judgements on people and things. Grounded in experience, however unrepresentative, rather than facts. We trust our instincts even though they can often be wrong.