Argument with bf this morning :(

[PeepSqueak]

Been together 2.5 years. Generally he’s very loving and supportive of me and we have a good relationship.

I suffer with my own mental health and self esteem. I started antidepressants just over 3 weeks ago, I’ve been a little up and down.

Last night I got really really anxious. Got into bed at 11:30 and I started saying about how I’m anxious about the future, how we’re not saving much money, worried about when things will fall into place etc.
He was supportive and trying to reassure me but he got a bit irritated after a while and also kept saying he was tired and needed to go to sleep for work in the morning.
i said I would go to sleep and he would stay up for 10/15 minutes to wind down (he likes to fall asleep after me as he snores loudly and doesn’t want to stop me sleeping). I was still anxious and said I would at least like a cuddle. He kept saying he was really confused and had no idea what was going on.

If I’m honest me neither, I woke up a bit brain fried and not feeling very good. We woke up and he was okay but pretty off with me, very timid. He said he was fine and that last night was done, but I kept asking if he was ok because he didn’t seem it.
I sat next to him for breakfast, but he went onto bbc sport on his phone so I went back into the bedroom.

He came in and asked where I went, I said he was busy so I left him to it. I asked if he was actually ok and something felt wrong. He then got irritated, saying he’s felt judged for the last 8 hours. I wasn’t judging him, just asking if he was ok.
He kept saying he’s going to be late for work, but I was getting more anxious at this point. He went to leave and I got upset because he didn’t hug me or say goodbye. He then turned round and shouted “I’m late!!!” And then stormed out of the house.

I just feel so confused and sad - my tablets are making me very up and down, and things like this never happen with us.
I haven’t heard from him and I’m scared and worried. But also I know I am a good girlfriend to him most of the time.

help please :(

I'm gonna say this as nicely as possible because you clearly don't need a verbal kicking right now.

This is ALL about your insecurities.

You had a bad night, it cost him a good night's sleep, you then repeatedly badger him in the morning because YOU need reassurance and then have a little meltdown when he doesn't make himself even later for work by further appeasing you with cuddles and kisses.

Having a partner who is going through some issues can be really hard.

It sounds like he's giving you a lot of grace.

Please try to give him some back in return.

Therapy would be a really good idea.

If you have to wait and can't afford to see someone in person privately, there are apps that have therapist availability online for much cheaper now.x.

It's an open door, at least.

Make him his favourite sandwich. Write a note apologising for being a nob head and tell him you love him.

It doesn't have to be that deep.

The catastrophising is a symptom of your illness, OP.

Depression and anxiety can be hard for partners to understand or cope with as it can be confusing, and emotionally intense.

It sounds like your anxiety is very high, and the anti depressants can take several weeks to level you out. I would recommend phoning your GP at the earliest opportunity to discuss and see if they can prescribe tablets for your anxiety that work immediately, such as promethezine which should help in the meantime.

I hope things improve for you soon, it's a horrible thing to go through

It's well past lunchtime now?

Imagine if right when you were trying to fall asleep, your boyfriend tried to stir up all of your worst insecurities about life. Just on those grounds you would be justified in being annoyed. You might even come on here and post for sympathy and you would get it. People might have some not very nice things to say about him.

I have anxiety. I understand the bedtime spiral. My DH doesn’t have anxiety. I have given him a long list of topics I don’t want brought up once I am in bed trying to fall asleep. This is because I know it will start an anxiety spiral
for me, whereas for him it is just chit chat or a chance to organize tomorrow. This is a healthy boundary I set because it doesn’t cost him anything to talk to me about those things any other time of the day and it helps me manage my anxiety.

if You want your relationship to work, you need to figure out the tools to manage your own condition. You can ask for your boyfriend’s help within reason, but not to his own detriment. You can’t drag him into your anxiety spiral.

And yet I ate my first meal of the day an hour ago. It's not unusual for me to eat brunch between 3-4pm but today has been extra busy.

Not everybody eats to a schedule.

Either way, my point stands. She doesn't need to deep it as much as she is doing.

Ok but the OP wasn't bringing lunch to you 👀

You didn't have to come nit picking. You chose to.

I'm not nit picking for goodness sake.

You told the OP at 4.45pm

"Make him his favourite sandwich. Write a note apologising for being a nob head and tell him you love him."

And I pointed out that his lunchbreak would be over!

you sound very needy

I'm really sorry but you should have taken yourself out of the room and allowed him to sleep and watched tv or something. Having lived with mental health problems for years you have to also learn sometimes you need to back off the other person or it's tiring, trying, stressful for them aswell. I would also suggest that another 2 weeks if you still feel no better you need to go back to your dr's and see about a different tablet as not all work the same

It doesn't sound like he did anything wrong.
People need space.

I think he’s finding it hard work. Sorry OP.

You should be worried. He sounds like a saint the fact he chooses to accommodate you regarding his snorring so you’re not disturbed by him. He’s putting you first. Try to do the same as it’s a relationship and your needs should be equal. I get that you have MH problems, I do too, but we can’t expect our partners to tolerate these behaviours without showing any emotions themselves. Leave him alone for now and I hope you didn’t jump on him about it the second he walked through the door or he will walk.

Yet more nit picking.

I think couples therapy might help you both to balance your needs

Eg if you start having a thought spiral at night then maybe you can ask for reassurance and a time to discuss it, eg 7pm tomorrow. And you can write down your worries on a note of and go through them
Tomorrow. Then he's not kept up late but you're still reassured.

How are things @PeepSqueak ? I think you've had a hard time on this thread and I think he was very rude to you and very cold to you.

How are things going, OP? x