Argument with bf this morning :(

[PeepSqueak]

Been together 2.5 years. Generally he’s very loving and supportive of me and we have a good relationship.

I suffer with my own mental health and self esteem. I started antidepressants just over 3 weeks ago, I’ve been a little up and down.

Last night I got really really anxious. Got into bed at 11:30 and I started saying about how I’m anxious about the future, how we’re not saving much money, worried about when things will fall into place etc.
He was supportive and trying to reassure me but he got a bit irritated after a while and also kept saying he was tired and needed to go to sleep for work in the morning.
i said I would go to sleep and he would stay up for 10/15 minutes to wind down (he likes to fall asleep after me as he snores loudly and doesn’t want to stop me sleeping). I was still anxious and said I would at least like a cuddle. He kept saying he was really confused and had no idea what was going on.

If I’m honest me neither, I woke up a bit brain fried and not feeling very good. We woke up and he was okay but pretty off with me, very timid. He said he was fine and that last night was done, but I kept asking if he was ok because he didn’t seem it.
I sat next to him for breakfast, but he went onto bbc sport on his phone so I went back into the bedroom.

He came in and asked where I went, I said he was busy so I left him to it. I asked if he was actually ok and something felt wrong. He then got irritated, saying he’s felt judged for the last 8 hours. I wasn’t judging him, just asking if he was ok.
He kept saying he’s going to be late for work, but I was getting more anxious at this point. He went to leave and I got upset because he didn’t hug me or say goodbye. He then turned round and shouted “I’m late!!!” And then stormed out of the house.

I just feel so confused and sad - my tablets are making me very up and down, and things like this never happen with us.
I haven’t heard from him and I’m scared and worried. But also I know I am a good girlfriend to him most of the time.

help please :(

You're very miuch playing the victim here. I am sorry you are struggling and I'm sure that you don't mean to be doing this, but you are.

As other posters have said - you were spiralling late at night, preventing him getting a good night's sleep. Then you were all weird and needy this morning.

And instead of saying, "okay, you know what, perhaps that was a bit unfair of me and is why he's behaving this way" you're just harping on about how you feel sad that he didn't give you support.

I don't think this is necessarily any sign that he's taken the OP's concerns personally.

It was getting on for midnight and he probably just wanted to get some sleep!

I'd be the same if my DH started a conversation about anything at that time and I had work in the morning.

Erm no!! Asking for reassurance constantly is sometimes linked to the other person saying they are fine but acting like they aint. The average person does pick up on these social q's and know when someone is lying. Also it is her boyfriends job to help manage her anxiety. Not in any way that is harmful to him of course but in a relationship you provide support at times of need. Dont try and make ppl think their partners are not responsible for providing support. They are. That doesn't mean op can do what ever and say what ever she wants but give some grace to op with this.

He’s done nothing wrong OP, and as difficult as your mental health is it is not on him to fix.

You are determined to make yourself the victim here but you aren’t, and I’m confident this isn’t a one off behaviour for you.

This sums it up, for what you threw at him if it was him he is being way more reasonable than I would be, I know men have to put up with whatever is thrown at them on here but in the real world you need to work out what is going yourself and fix that

Message him. Apologise.

I understand you are having difficulties with your mental health at the moment and it must be hard for you. From what you said he was trying to be supportive last night and has been in the past. But that's all he can be - supportive - he can support you to help yourself, he can't fix it or allay all your anxieties.

Blame it on the new meds making you feel a bit up and down. Maybe the dosage needs adjusting.

But don't push him away or make him feel useless, or start to twist things so it's all his fault. It wasn't the best way to leave the house and he is possibly regretting that, but he doesn't know how you are going to receive his message.

So message him and apologise.

What an absolute pile.

Unless her boyfriend is a therapist, or a mental health expert, of course it's not his job!

Dating is not mandatory and if the OP can't date without making someone else maintain her anxiety, she shouldn't be dating at all just yet.

I messaged offering to drop lunch off to him at work (I am WFH today and he is down the road). His message?
”ok”

😬😬

You didn't message 'Sorry about pushing you last night and this morning when you clearly didn't want to talk'?

You're still invading his private space by bringing him lunch.

He might not want to see you if he thinks you're going to bring it up again, especially while he's at work.

You really need to respect his space OP.

Have you actually apologised?

This.

@Inlawsfromhell456 I can see this is triggering for you.

But it's no-one's job to maintain anyone's mental illness, moods or issues unless that's the career they've chosen.

And again, dating isn't mandatory.

It's unfair to date someone and expect them to deal with issues you can't even handle yourself.

11.30pm is not the time to start talking about being anxious about the future.

BF is pissed off with you like most people would be he can’t, and shouldn’t, have to reassure you with a hug and messages.

Assume you have some work to distract you, or message a friend for a Friday meet up, offload onto a friend a bit, a partner can’t be another person’s everything

So no accountability still for your own part in this? You're still the victim. And now, you're feeling even more hard done by because he isn't grateful for you bringing him lunch?

I'm sorry OP, but you sound exhausting.

Stop playing the victim and apologise.

It's not on him to manage your mental health issues if you won't even take accountability for them

Why aren't you doing some meditation at night. Chill out

You could also possibly take on board that he may have his own worries that he doesn't choose to burden you with due to your fragile mental health. An apology and awareness that we all cope differently would be a good start.

FFS. really?! Just leave him be for a while, apologise and work on getting yourself better. Why are you bringing him lunch!? He probably wants some space and here you are bringing him lunch - just say sorry and speak to him when youre calm later.

This! Poor guy!

OP YABU.

Give him time & space. You sound exhausting & unaware of how your actions affect him.

Your anxiety is not his issue to resolve. Take a step back & give him some distance today.

I feel really sorry for him and you are very much out of order for dumping all of your issues on him, late at night when he needs rest. Mental health issues are really not a carte blanche to not take accountability. Please leave the poor guy to get a bit of peace and headspace. You do sound a bit like a total nightmare.

Whole-heardedly agree. It's all about you. I'm afraid I'd have shouted "I'm late' too- he's frustrated & you've stressed him to high heaven. Get some perspective.

Have to agree with this. It’s very hard living with someone with anxiety and MH challenges. That you expect him to be perky this morning because you want to move on now is very unfair- his feelings are as valid as yours. He’s not a saint who has to perpetually take your ups and downs in his stride and forgive everything. Do you have proper support in place OP?

Having been on both sides as it were (supporting someone when they are grappling with their MH and from struggling myself) both are hard and exhausting in different ways. As a PP has said, youre cutting yourself some slack so cut him some too.