Argument with bf this morning :(

[PeepSqueak]

Been together 2.5 years. Generally he’s very loving and supportive of me and we have a good relationship.

I suffer with my own mental health and self esteem. I started antidepressants just over 3 weeks ago, I’ve been a little up and down.

Last night I got really really anxious. Got into bed at 11:30 and I started saying about how I’m anxious about the future, how we’re not saving much money, worried about when things will fall into place etc.
He was supportive and trying to reassure me but he got a bit irritated after a while and also kept saying he was tired and needed to go to sleep for work in the morning.
i said I would go to sleep and he would stay up for 10/15 minutes to wind down (he likes to fall asleep after me as he snores loudly and doesn’t want to stop me sleeping). I was still anxious and said I would at least like a cuddle. He kept saying he was really confused and had no idea what was going on.

If I’m honest me neither, I woke up a bit brain fried and not feeling very good. We woke up and he was okay but pretty off with me, very timid. He said he was fine and that last night was done, but I kept asking if he was ok because he didn’t seem it.
I sat next to him for breakfast, but he went onto bbc sport on his phone so I went back into the bedroom.

He came in and asked where I went, I said he was busy so I left him to it. I asked if he was actually ok and something felt wrong. He then got irritated, saying he’s felt judged for the last 8 hours. I wasn’t judging him, just asking if he was ok.
He kept saying he’s going to be late for work, but I was getting more anxious at this point. He went to leave and I got upset because he didn’t hug me or say goodbye. He then turned round and shouted “I’m late!!!” And then stormed out of the house.

I just feel so confused and sad - my tablets are making me very up and down, and things like this never happen with us.
I haven’t heard from him and I’m scared and worried. But also I know I am a good girlfriend to him most of the time.

help please :(

There's a big difference between being supportive and being expected to have long conversations in the middle of the night when you've got to be up for work in the morning! And it's unreasonable to expect your partner to provide constant reassurance - if someone keeps asking if you're ok, eventually it's going to irritate you. OP needs to learn coping strategies for herself.

OP, how are you now? Hope you're OK.

Poor bloke, you’re way to full on he must of been feeling suffocated.

If you're on anti-depressants I very much doubt that you've only had "one bad day", as you describe it. That would be almost inconceivable. It's tough living with someone with mental health issues, very tough. You need to cut him some slack. We're all human with all the emotions, frailties and faults that go with it.

He bellowed and slammed the door because you’d pushed him too far. You kept him awake last night and mithered him this morning. Why don’t you send him a message, acknowledging the above?

100%. Recipe for a disaster. Do not start such conversations when it’s time to relax and go to bed. Giving into cortisol driven reactions. And that’s what you got back. Logical, mathematical outcome

I know what it's like to have anxiety, and I'm pleased you're getting the help you need. Honestly you sound like you're in need of a lot of reassurance, but you can't be putting that on another person. The whole post sounded exhausting.

Just let the poor guy go to sleep when he has work in the morning. Did you not have to go to work? In the morning he was still tired, had to go to work, was now late and got irritated. It all seems to be about you, your worries, your anxieties. try and tone it down a bit. When he gets home be nice and apologise for keeping him up late with your worries and don't start re-hashing it all again!

Yes, I thought this too as I read your comment. OP, you really can't, in your fragile mental state, comment or judge on what your boyfriend has experienced. You decided 3 weeks ago to go on meds. Maybe it'd been longer than that before you took action. You can't say it was one bad day when it's very probably been weeks of difficult days. Please, please read the comments and take on board what people have been saying. You also sound quite young in your responses, cut him and yourself a little slack here.

I suffer with anxiety myself but OP you can’t be putting all this in another person. It’s not fair on them - and now you seem annoyed they aren’t happy because you kept them up and then flounced in the morning. It must be so hard being on the receiving end of that behaviour

Tbh, OP, I think your requests/need to have late night discussions/reactions to normal life are quite likely to drive him away. Even allowing for the fact that you are not well, most people can't live with this level.of fuss and unnecessary drama. It is hard, but perhaps you need to think about how you can help both of you by creating a calmer, more relaxed atmosphere at home.

So how did that go?

I'm guessing that you didn't offer just because you wanted to take him his lunch. You wanted something more from him.

I think you also need to be honest with yourself. You aren't asking if he is ok because you are concerned about him. You are asking because you want him to tell you that your behaviour was fine and it wasn't.

I think you should pay for some therapy sessions, so you arent putting all of this on him.

I won't pile on to what others have already said about your behaviour last night, as hopefully you've taken it on board.

Messaging about his lunch is manipulative however, even if you didn't intend it to be. You haven't apologised or taken accountability or given him any space, it's all on your terms.

I would be fed up as well if I were him. Your anxiety and overthinking is creating all the issues here. Try your best to get better. There multiple exercise to do and therapy as well. I know because I need it in the past.

Sounds like the guy needs s bit of space. You're leaning on him quite heavily. I get you're struggling and it's partly his job to support you but not at the expense of his own wellbeing.

Can you afford a therapist who can share some of the load?

I hope you manage to sort things out OP.

There's nothing like someone asking if I'm OK over and over again to absolutely guarantee that I'm not going to be OK.

From his perspective, he's getting ready to go to sleep last night, and suddenly you dump all you anxieties on him in a big lump. He tries to reassure you, but when this doesn't get anywhere eventually he decides he needs sleep and tries to end the conversation. Buggers off for a bit so you can get to sleep first, and then you complain at him for that. Probably doesn't sleep all that well when he does get to bed

He wakes up this morning thinking "I don't really know what to make of last night, but I've got work, and we really don't have time to get into it before work. He has breakfast, and while trying regain some sense of normality, you start repeatedly asking him if he's OK. He says yes, but that doesn't satisfy you so he goes on his phone in an attempt to get you to drop it. You then storm off the the bedroom in a huff, so he comes to check on you. Gets a bitchy comment and then you start on the "Are you OK" again. He unsurprisingly, finally loses his rag and is in no mood to hug or be nice.

Gets to work, tries to focus on it and then gets a message from you that you're coming in at lunch. Thinks "Bloody hell, I really don't want round 3 on my lunch break" and so tries to discourage you without actually saying anything that might trigger another argument. Hence the "OK"

Right now, your emotions, anxiety, mental health are a bit all over the place @PeepSqueak . He's not in your head though, he doesn't know how you're feeling. From his perspective, the relationship has just gone from absolutely fine to having two rows in the last 24 hours and he doesn't understand what either of them are about or why they started.

Nothing worse than someone starting at bedtime when you're ready for sleep. I remember lying in bed listening to my mum nagging my dad in the dark about something, and him pleading with her to let him sleep as he had a hard job in heavy engineering and needed his rest.

It can be hard to support someone with mental health issues OP, starting ADs can be a bumpy road but starting a deep and meaningful conversation, then wanting cuddles at 11.30 is irritating for anyone.

I don't think he's done anything wrong. You need some other kind of support. Being overly needy pushes people away.

Oh OP - starting a deep conversation about financial worries at 11pm when he was getting up for work in the morning was never going to end well.

You need to listen to what he's telling you and back off a bit. If you have a lot of thoughts to get out, write in a diary or speak to a therapist or a friend instead.

It’s good that’s you’ve started on anti anxiety meds, hopefully they will begin to help you soon. I suffer from anxiety and Dh is on the whole, hugely supportive but I’ve learnt that my anxiety can all get too much for him and it isn’t his job to always be there for me, what’s going on with him means sometimes he won’t beable to be as supportive as he usually is.

If I were you I’d apologies for beginning a conversation when he was trying to sleep, say it was your anxiety but you realise you should have left him alone. Ask if you can talk about what was worrying you, over the weekend.

Petty and attention seeking really.

He’s not, from what you’ve posted, done anything wrong. 🤷‍♀️

You sound co dependent and this is never a good thing.
I get that you’re unwell and only on meds 3 weeks, they do take at least 6 to notice a difference.
have you also been referred for therapy? Talk therapy along with meds are the recommended treatment