to be fed-up at my friend bringing so much stuff round for an eve???

[sparklyshoos]

I had a girl's night in on fri, all planned, I was just doing pizza and easy buffet stuff, snacks and wine. My friends asked what should they bring, I said nothing, told them what I was planning, they were happy with that. The one kept on asking what she should bring, so I said oh just bring a bottle of wine.

Now, if I'm going somewhere and ask what to take and somebody says nothing, i still take a bottle out of politeness anyway, so couldn't really figure out why she kept asking.

Anyway, she turned up with 2 bottles of wine, big bunch of flowers, olives, garlic bread, kettle chips, quiche, fancy nuts and lemon tart. oh, and a prezzie for DS - trendy outfit from Next. My other friend brought a bottle of pinot grigio - fab.

Lovely and generous of my friend to bring all this stuff, but it meant that the stuff I'd got in didn't all get eaten, I felt like the eve was taken out of my control - it was my first girlie night in I'd hosted since having DS ( he's 15mo, but I've not managed it till now!) and I'd planned it all and was looking forward to actually being the hostess! as it was, she opened the stuff she'd bought, so thanking her and putting it to one side whilst I served up my stuff wasn't an option.

DH has calmed me down by making me see it's not that she thinks I'm not capable of hosting anything - she would just do this wherever she went, - but just like it can be rude to turn up empty handed, AIBU to think it's also starting to be rude to turn up with so much stuff OTT???

no, my mum was mental, jury's out on the OP

When I was depressed I got all sorts of things out of proportion.

surfermum, no not feeling down, and I don't really think about whether I'm in control of my life or not either way - just happy that DS started sleeping better in the evenings and I could invite people round again that's all.

yes and I know I have sounded jeering but I genuinely think the op maybe depressed - we've all done it - got in a tiz aobut something utterly harmless when we ourselves are very low.

no, honestly, I genuinely was just looking forward to having my friends round and feeding them.

however, i do feel depressed now after the majority of these replies

YANBU, you're friend was ott.

FFS, your your your

If you're going round for dinner at someone's house, do you take an alternate main course? ok this was a more casual evening, but the principle's the same - op was making dinner for friends, made a lot of effort. I am sure - well I sincerely hope that op's friend meant well - but I can understand why it would annoy her, reasonably or not.

It depends how this was done, what this woman is like usually and whether she was patronising with it. I can see that this could've been done v patronisingly and I'm surprised not many others can, really.

But jeering and calling someone you think may be depressed "mental" - classy stuff, Enid.

I think it's really sad that you let ruin an otherwise good evening.

give sparkly a break - it was clearly a big thing for her and she wanted to be the host. she was also asking if she was being reasonable or not.

part of being a good guest is knowing when to let your host be a host, accepting your host's generousity with good grace and making them feel like they've been a good host (even, tbh, if they haven't!).

Like I said before I actually don;t think sparkly has told us enough for us to be able to answer her question. you can;t measure the value (positive or negative) of friends by the size of the gifts they turn up with. friendship is a lot more subtle intuitive and complex than that.

I did think about it hunker

but as it was my own mother I was calling mental I thought I might get away with it

she bloody was as well

If anyone ruined it expat, twas not the hostess.

I agree with Beautiful: she sounds lovely but a tad insecure herself, as if she's overcompensating a bit - maybe to try and get your approval?

She sounds great though - really thoughtful.

And you do sound very unreasonable to be annoyed about it, sorry.

Pour a glass of wine and enjoy some of the leftovers with your dh - and be grateful for your lovely friends.

She let it ruin her evening, Uriel.

The friend probably doesn't even realise the OPs reaction to it all.

She probably thought she wsa just being nice.

good analogy mazzystar

I would take some food round to someones if they had a young baby

not for that evening though it must be said

I must admit depressed me would think "does she think I can't organise anything", "does she think I wouldn't provide enough" etc etc

Well me would think "great I can keep what I bought for another night and eat all hers".

But I would also weigh up what I thought her motivation was. If it was just a lovely, generous friend I'd think "how lucky am I? and how lovely is she?", if I thought she was trying to upstage me or it was her "stuff" I'd think "what a shame she feels she has to be like that" and still be grateful for the extra grub ... and especially the extra vino.

Either her friend is incredibly generous and a bit dim and doesn't realise the effect of her generosity or she's Lady Bountiful, frankly insulting.

She might have thought it was one of those bring and share sort of evenings.

In all honesty, I would say that your friend sounds like she is very anxious to please you for some reason, but that doesn't sound like a particularly good reason to get annoyed with her, nor does it reflect very well on you to come on here and bitch about her for it.

Mazzystar - the OP was doing "easy buffet stuff" so guest/friend was adding to it. Very kind and not OTT imo. It really shouldn't be that big a deal. She didn't take way anything. She didn't bring round a curry for everyone, she added to what was being done already.
Getting bored of myself now so nuff said on my part I think.

I bet the friend is a fatso who secretly hates herself. There. I said it.

no, it didn't ruin my eve, we had a good laugh and I was glad I'd done it.

thanks for the sensible advice, I'm signing off for those who are now just ranting at me.