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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be fed-up at my friend bringing so much stuff round for an eve???

111 replies

sparklyshoos · 26/05/2008 21:51

I had a girl's night in on fri, all planned, I was just doing pizza and easy buffet stuff, snacks and wine. My friends asked what should they bring, I said nothing, told them what I was planning, they were happy with that. The one kept on asking what she should bring, so I said oh just bring a bottle of wine.

Now, if I'm going somewhere and ask what to take and somebody says nothing, i still take a bottle out of politeness anyway, so couldn't really figure out why she kept asking.

Anyway, she turned up with 2 bottles of wine, big bunch of flowers, olives, garlic bread, kettle chips, quiche, fancy nuts and lemon tart. oh, and a prezzie for DS - trendy outfit from Next. My other friend brought a bottle of pinot grigio - fab.

Lovely and generous of my friend to bring all this stuff, but it meant that the stuff I'd got in didn't all get eaten, I felt like the eve was taken out of my control - it was my first girlie night in I'd hosted since having DS ( he's 15mo, but I've not managed it till now!) and I'd planned it all and was looking forward to actually being the hostess! as it was, she opened the stuff she'd bought, so thanking her and putting it to one side whilst I served up my stuff wasn't an option.

DH has calmed me down by making me see it's not that she thinks I'm not capable of hosting anything - she would just do this wherever she went, - but just like it can be rude to turn up empty handed, AIBU to think it's also starting to be rude to turn up with so much stuff OTT???

OP posts:
Thomcat · 26/05/2008 22:01

It was a girlie night in - 2 bottles of wine is about right.
Flowers - how sweet - something just for the hostess, very nice
Olives - little nibble to go with wine and sits nicely alongside pizza you were doing

So far we're not ott at all

garlic bread - nice touch,and goes with main

Kettle chips - I'd be grateful - I hate olives so would be well happy. Did she not bring dip - bitch - she's let me down now!

Quiche - odd choice but maybe it was on special offer?

Fancy nuts - go with the olives - yes lovely, thank you

lemon tart - ohh someone remembered desert, God bless her

an outfit for your son - she can spoil him if she wants, can't she?

Yes, you are being very unreasonable.
She sounds lovely and a dream mate.
Get over yourself.
IMO!

AMumInScotland · 26/05/2008 22:02

I expect she meant well (unless you have reason to think otherwise?) but I'd have been pissed off too - nice of her to bring wine and flowers, but the rest was OTT when you'd said you were fine.

Enid · 26/05/2008 22:02

this is not about the stuff

you are cross with her for some other reason

Kimi · 26/05/2008 22:02

What a lovely kind friend you have, sorry UABVU

Enid · 26/05/2008 22:03

people would have been pissed off

holy crap I am glad I am not you

expatinscotland · 26/05/2008 22:03

Maybe she's a big drinker like me, so she brought 2 bottles so she could scoff one and then have you criticise her for being a boozer.

Chuffinnora · 26/05/2008 22:06

She probably called into the supermarket on the way to pick up a bottle and got carried away. I do this all the time. I think you are a little over sensitive.

Thomcat · 26/05/2008 22:07

I'm so grateful this is the www and some of you aren't 'real' friends, LOL!!!!!!!!!

TBH - LOL at being pissed off at a generous friend doing her bit for your first girlie night in.

Fucks sake.

She bought a bag of goodies for a night in with you and some other mates.
How outrageous of her, yeah I can really see why people would be pissed off.

NOT!!!!!!!!!

hatwoman · 26/05/2008 22:08

I'm going to stick my neck out (but just a bit) here: tbh I don;t think - from the info you've given - that it's possible to say if you;re being unreasonable or not. Personally I think it's dependent on her motivation and her style of doing this stuff - which you might be able to detect but I can't from the info. if she was motivated by being generous and friendly then, rather obviously, yabu. but some people have a way of doing stuff like this that smacks of "look at meeeeeeee" we all know the type. swans into someone else's house (usually someone a bit quieter than them) and dominates, tries to take over, take credit etc etc. and such people are, imho, at best insensitive, at worst a pita. no idea which your friend is and is you don't know either then you should give her the benefit of the doubt. but I can empathise with you feeling a bit put out.

Surfermum · 26/05/2008 22:08

I agree with Enid, I don't think this is about what she brought. The sentence that jumped out at me from your first post was "I felt like the eve was taken out of my control".

You can clearly see that it was a lovely and generous thing to do, but I think maybe you're thinking it's a reflection on you - which it isn't.

Enid · 26/05/2008 22:08

are you depressed?

seriously?

because this is the kind of thing my mum used to get totally worked up about and she was mental

Thomcat · 26/05/2008 22:09

Exactly - if I was walking round Waitrose before a night in with girls I'd get a bit carried away too.

Did she not include a bag of Minstrels?
I would have.
But then I'm completely OTT!!!!!!!!!!

Original poster
sparklyshoos · 26/05/2008 22:09

No, i'm not a control freak, I honestly just wanted to have my friends round, put out some food and drinks and feel like I was starting to cope with life again - I guess some people manage it a lot quicker than I did, so might not understand.

She opened her stuff and put it out as soon as she arrived, so I had no choice over it.

thanks for the sympathetic replies telling me IABU.

OP posts:
Enid · 26/05/2008 22:10

chorizo and cheese kettle chips and a gram of coke

fabby

hatrick · 26/05/2008 22:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Thomcat · 26/05/2008 22:11

Enid - how soon can you be here?

Original poster
sparklyshoos · 26/05/2008 22:12

oh, there were only actually the 3 of us

OP posts:
nkf · 26/05/2008 22:12

If the guest was showing off, she wouldn't have brought quiche.

Surfermum · 26/05/2008 22:13

I'm not suggesting you're a control freak . I just wondered how in control of things in your life in general you felt.

And I think your comment "feel like I was starting to cope again" speaks volumes to me too .

Have you been feeling down?

Thomcat · 26/05/2008 22:13

Spakly - come on man. How much a friend is this girl? Do you actually like her or is she just part of the group and comes as part of the deal? How the hell was the evening taken out of your control becasue she bough nibbles????????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

messycow · 26/05/2008 22:13

yabvu

Enid · 26/05/2008 22:13

r o f l

Enid · 26/05/2008 22:14

(that was to nfk btw)

Windypop · 26/05/2008 22:14

Enid, stop picking on OP! You made ya point... and if you wonder if OP was depressed, why attack her with it? Suggesting she is MENTAL? Shame on you

I agree with hatwoman, who is looking at the bigger picture. IMO.

BEAUTlFUL · 26/05/2008 22:15

sparklyshoos, I don't think she brought all that stuff around because she thought that all you'd manage was a half-eaten tube of Pringles and baby food as dip. I'm 100% sure it wasn't in any way a reflection on you or your hostessing reputation.

If anything, my first thought was that she is a bit lacking in confidence herself, and so spent a fortune to overcompensate.