To get irrationally angry at train behaviour

[MisanthropeLikely]

I'm not an angry person, but I'm thinking I might be becoming a Victor Meldrew when travelling. Particularly by train. Particularly long distance. Specific behaviour that enrages me:

1. People that have loud phone conversations or video calls on trains

1. People on long train journeys with limited space in the luggage rack who selfishly put their small bags on it rather than in the overhead, meaning people with larger cases have no space to put it

1. People who spend ages farting around standing in the aisle during boarding so no one can pass.

1. People who act like it's the Olympic 100m in their rush to get off

1. Men who manspread into the aisle

1. People who sit on your reserved seat and then refuse to move.

1. Lone travellers who take up 4 seater sections, preventing people in groups from sitting together

1. People who ostentatiously poo on trains. I mean, I get you sometimes have to go but some of the things people do are disgusting

1. Listening to music or watching videos with no headphones

10. Train stations that are massive but wait until 10 minutes before the train to tell you your platform so you need to have a stress race to make it with your bags.

11. People who wont move their bags off seats on an obviously full train.

I get irrationally angry about this stuff. My worst ever experiences were:

I was on a train once and this man had vrazely taken our reserved seats despite them being marked reserved and other empty seats. He'd set himself up some kind of fucking buffet on our table with a cloth and everything, then when I politely asked him to move, he told me to go and sit somewhere else because I was disturbing his meal.

Another time I was boarding a eurostar in an intense heatwave after a huge delay. It was roasting, I'd been standing at the gate for two solid hours in menopause sweats with a load of heavy bags. They started boarding. It's about 29 steps down to the platform, and a ramp os provided for people with luggage. The attendant was at the top of the ramp telling everyone who did not have luggage to take the stairs.

Anyway, there I am struggling to keep ny heavy suitcase from rolling right down the ramp and taking me with it, and some woman with no luggage at all aside from her small handbag decided to walk down the luggage ramp and overtake everyone on the inside. As there was no space, she moved her legs into my suitcase and then shouted at me "YOUR SUITCASE IS ON MY LEGS, WHY DONT YOU WATCH WHERE YIUR GOING"

I flushed bright red and said "I'm going downhill with a heavy bag I can barely control, multiple other bags and you walked into me trying to overtske", she turned and sniggered at me. A real deep, patronising snigger.

I still hold a grudge a year later.

Does anyone else experience these feelings or is it just me? I am petrified of flying so travel extensively by rail and I am at a point where I don't enjoy travelling because I feel so irrationally cross at inconsiderate and rude people.

Anyone else?

I once got on a train and i had reserved a seat at a table. The moron who i was sitting next to had placed their coat and handbag on the seat that i had reserved. They only moved their things when i told them that i wasn't prepared to stand for my journey just so that their coat and bag could have a seat. When i was getting off the person in front of me was having a very loud conversation on speaker phone.

As I've said, it depends on the train operator. I use Thameslink/ Great Northern. LNER is very efficient (and generous in terms of DR), others not so much.

Those fold down tables are absolute crap though and in no way comparable to even a quarter share of a table.

I always join these lovely lone travellers with my Grandchildren etc. Toddlers on my lap, all having a lovely day out making noise I don't understand why they get up and move 😜

"I'm going downhill with a heavy bag I can barely control, multiple other bags and you walked into me trying to overtske",

Dont take a bag so heavy you cant control it along with multiple other bags.

The guy with his food, dump it in their lap.
Re waiting for train platform announcement, sometimes they don't know until last minute or they have to change platforms last minute
Loud people, tell them to shut up as nobody in the carriage cares about their conversation

Quite a lot of this also annoys me although I've become better at separating out stuff which is genuinely antisocial from stuff which irritates me but which I recognise is my problem.

I do think as an adult its part of our responsibility to be as zen as you can be about something another person can't control, even though you might be seething inside. But deliberately antisocial behaviour is intolerable.

I had both forms of this on a train back from a day trip to rural Kent this weekend:

a) a mum with two kids under five. The kids were playing with iPads (with headphones) some of the time but were also bashing the table a bit, climbing up and down a lot and whingeing. They weren't awful, they were little kids being restless and it was annoying but I realised it was my problem and not theirs so as far as possible I tuned it out.

b) A bit later: two youths lying splayed out across one of the table sections, feet on seats, drinking beer (it was 11.30am) and every third or fourth word they uttered was a (loud) swear. Intermittent bursts of TikTok videos and bursts of maniacal laughter. Everyone who got into the carriage made a visible attempt to move as far from them as possible, prompting them to shout to no one in particular about "fucking posh twats" and "wankers" and singing really loudly. I was with my 14 year old DD who found them highly intimidating. There were two older women sitting across for them who eventually got off the train, visibly disturbed. Hell doesn't have enough circles for people like this and if I could have assasinated them without being noticed I probably would have done.

It is not just you. Get really pissed of with people who put their handbag/rucksack/ carrier bag on the seat next to them in overcrowded trains on the commute into London and think that it's ok and if you dare to ask them if you can sit on the seat occupied by their bag they act like it's the most unreasonable request ever, like the bag had purchased their own ticket and has every right to sit on a chair. My other top hate is people that do not allow people to get off the train/tube/tram first before getting on and will barge their way in making it really difficult for people to get off and will literally shove into you in their mission to get on before anyone is allowed to get off.

Oh I see. Thameslink was the operator.

It's not irrational anger. Some people are dicks!

The last time someone did this to me I put my headphones in and ignored them. Frankly, I just thought it was yet another bad parent who couldn’t manage their own children. It never occurred to me they might be doing it on purpose.

But if you don’t care if someone thinks you are that parent / grandparent (which you clearly don’t), crack on. I’m not going to give in to this sort of blatant selfishness / belief the world has to revolve around your little darlings.

It's because women are (usually) physically smaller, so it's more comfortable for the man because they can occupy whatever of her 'own' space the woman isn't taking up. It drives me mad. I blame the men for choosing their own comfort over the woman's comfort, but I also blame the way the trains are designed. Space is so tight

I wouldn’t be moving. I always book my seat according to my needs and I’m not moving for any entitled parents/grandparents and their feral children. I’ve worked in childcare so I’m quite capable of ignoring their nonsense and/or making my opinion of your rudeness and shit parenting known.

Yes but then they spread themselves out all over the place leaving the woman squashed with very little space. I’ve had that this morning on a train. They sit next to me, spread their legs into my space, put their arms on the arm rest and just take up the whole space! The guy sat next to me this morning then proceeded to fall asleep and while doing so was leaning all over me oblivious to the fact his head was almost on my boob! If they want to be like that then they need to fuck off and sit next to another man to see if they will put up with this shit.

I have done it successfully, even on a split ticket journey. Had to work out that my arrival time was delayed by over an hour, due to missed connections.

None of the London trains I go on have reserved seats. And neither do the ones we get to the seaside etc. Obviously i don't expect anyone to move from a reserved seat! My children are not misbehaving they are just normal children who are not sitting in silence. I am a great mother, grandmother and foster carer who ideally needs to sit on a 4 seater with my children (i also have a sense of humour as per my original post)

Too funny! Any noise from children means we can't 'manage' them? 🤣
All I was saying was, i will still sit next to you with my well behaved noisy kids, so don't think you are entitled to the whole seating area, which is what the original point of this conversation? You got your headphones, everyone happy 😊

Maybe if you don’t want people to think you are deliberately using your uncontrolled feral grandchildren to drive people out of seats they are entitled to and have paid for, you shouldn’t imply that’s what you are doing.

Just a thought…

And no, I don’t think ‘any noise’ means adults can’t manage children but you were definitely coming across as the ‘children should be able to express themselves’ type that thinks other people’s needs and comfort must always be subordinate to their children’s right to run riot in public spaces.

Glad to hear that’s not the case.

There is no option to reserve seats on the line I use (Exeter to Waterloo). It’s just not a thing on SW trains.

"Ostentatiously pooing" is one of the most ridiculous things I've ever read, and, yes, very unreasonable! If they were shitting all over the floor, or smearing their poo across the toilet walls, you'd have cause for complaint!

Do I detect some... jealousy? Other people feel comfortable performing necessary bodily functions in public, and you don't, so they're the unreasonable ones because of your private hang-ups?! Ridiculous.

I'll add taking the person opposite's leg room by slouching in your seat, when there are no free alternative seats available. Was on a train from London to Salisbury a while back with the most selfish arse of a woman opposite.

Did you actually read the post or did you just highlight that bit to be an arse? The other commuter was at fault. Also not everyone drives so if you are going away for a long time, then a large bag is kind of necessary. What sort of bag would you take for a 2 week trip?

A small but irritating thing for me is people who hug the grab bars when on packed trains with standing room only. Wrapping your arm or leaning your whole body against it means other people can’t use it and not everyone has the balance or can reach the higher bars. Hold on to the grab bar with one hand so it can be used by others!

And if you were planning on eating your late night takeaway on the train but find it’s rammed and you have to stand, it’s better to wait rather than eat in the face of the poor person squashed in front of you. They don’t want a close-up of you chewing your Double Whopper or to be hit in the face with it when the train lurches. This seems like a basic courtesy but some people (men in my experience) don’t get it!

I travel to Cheshire fairly frequently. The trains to and from Manchester/Liverpool can be booked, however the bookings don’t always follow through onto the train, for various reasons. Sometimes the trains just aren’t big enough. I booked the last couple of times coming back, the bookings were visible, but people had decided to sit there anyway! As an over 70 with a dodgy knee, and a disabled railcard, I really would like there to be a member of staff around to help. I asked, and got my seat, but didn’t feel confident. One couple almost got into a punch up with people who hadn’t booked, sitting in their seats.

Journeys across Cheshire on the other hand, aren’t bookable, but there are always seats, and a ticket inspector. Makes for much more civilised travel.

To be fair, floor and wall smearing is not unknown on some of the services I've seen! Also ostentatious puking. (Edit to add:) Men using the spaces intended for bikes to be strapped balanced on their back wheels as urinals, as they have a plughole in the floor in case of wet bikes. That's something not pleasant on the nose after a few hours either.
So, yes, again, under the many lovely experiences that come within 'group dynamics in an enclosed, expensive space you have to pay for' you can get to the point of being grateful for a seat, and some can be grateful for a working loo that flushes waste away even if it's smelly due to being used for what it should be used for.