DH annoyed, who is in the wrong?

[candalll]

So basically my DC (2) has had an enlarged lymph node for 2 months now.

We were told to come back if it was still there a month ago.

The GP has referred us to the paediatric team.

My DH is absolutely fuming at me for booking the GP appointment.

He thinks that’s it’s normal to have enlarged lymph nodes.
I had to get the GP to explain what an enlarged lymph node can indicate an infection or very rarely cancer and he still wasn’t having it.

I feel as if I have wasted the GP’s time and just took DC in for no reason.

Have I done the right thing?

My dad has had cancer so anything health wise that is a concern I do book a GP appointment but not for minor things.

The last time we went to the GP prior to this was in June (for the enlarger lymph node and ringworm) and prior to this was in January (after a pharmacist referred us) so it’s not like I am always even taking DC to the GP.

What a strange post. Why is your DH fuming? To be clear, he doesn't want your DC to receive medical attention? Because that's abuse.

Your DH is a dick!

Enlarged lymph nodes are.not normal andnneed investigation. You were told to go back if no improvement which is what you did.

Is he always such a twat?

You were told by the GP to go back and have now been referred on, sounds like you done the right thing? I don't really understand why your husband would object to following the doctors advice.

He hates DC going to the GP or hospital because he hates hospitals himself.

Is he always like this unfortunately.

I try and be a good mother and I am just ridiculed all the time.

His medical approach would be to call up one of his friends and ask them if they have experienced anything was DC is experiencing.

If a GP - a medical professional - has referred you to the paediatric team then they think your DC needs to be seen for further investigations. I would take their opinion over my DHs any day. Unless he is a superiorly qualified medical professional, he can fuck off with his thoughts and making you doubt yourself.

Is your Dh a doctor? You had it checked once and are now going back as instructed. Other medically trained people will be along shortly I am sure. In the meantime I think you’re doing the right thing. It’s concerning dh has this attitude. Does he think you are fussing somehow? Our lovely GP always reassured me to go with my gut and raise concerns, better to be sensible and safe.

I had an enlarged lymph node under my neck about 8 years ago and the GP immediately sent me to the hospital for blood tests and explained to me what is could indicate.

There is absolutely nothing more important than your child’s health. NOTHING! Tell your husband to “piss off” and stop being a dick.

Can I jump straight to LTB?

Unless all his friends are paediatricians that's just weird.

The GP obviously took your concern seriously else they would not have made the referral. I think when it comes to young children doctors would always rather you take them in and everything be fine that to not take them and to be left worrying about it. You have done the right thing.

Is he actually trying to prevent you seeing the dr?

Or is he more a very medically nervous person who tends to just think “no no everything is fine!!” because he’s too scared to consider the alternative? That still really isn’t ok when it’s a child’s health you’re talking about. But it’s more “understandable” as opposed to “abusive dick preventing medical treatment”.

As the GP told you to come back, I think you'd of been negligent to not have taken your son back. You did the right thing.

Even if they are, they’re not HIS doctor so shouldn’t comment!

I don’t think it because he is scared it’s a more of a case of “there is nothing wrong with DC” and he is right and I am wrong.

He has just told me we wasted the GP’s time this afternoon and he booked time off for no reason.

It is weird how he calls and asks his friends for medical advice as if they are medical professionals.

I would rather be safe then sorry.

The GP is a lovely lady and she called me whilst we were in the car park as she had forgotten to give us a leaflet about Sepsis as she says she gives one to all parents and I asked her if we had wasted her time and she said “absolutely not.

But DH makes me feel otherwise.

Many men are so self-centred that their entire frame of reference is based on their own experience. So what he means is that he doesn't have a problem with his lymph nodes, and therefore no-one has a problem with their lymph nodes, and you are stupid to think otherwise. Nothing can go wrong if it hasn't already gone wrong for him. And he knows everything, so he knows better than anyone.

He's an utter idiot and I'm sorry you have to deal with that sort of crap.

Tell him he can keep his phobia but you're going to look after your children properly and get them to a doctor, or to a hospital, if they need it.

I also think you’re right and he’s wrong - but did you both need to go to the gp?

Your husband is wrong. I think for your safety and your child's you should leave. Imagine if you were seriously ill he potentially wouldn't seek medical aid.

As far as I can figure out from what you have written here, you have behaved in a normal manner (maybe more cautious than some people, but entirely reasonable and appropriate) by taking your child to the GP because they were ill and had symptoms of an illness that you, very reasonably, were not able to diagnose and treat at home. Now you say I feel as if I have wasted the GP’s time and just took DC in for no reason even though your GP has said that an enlarged lymph node can indicate an infection or very rarely cancer.

WHY do you now feel that you have done the wrong thing? It makes no sense.

It's really sad that you're questioning this. He should be providing his family with support. He should want his child to receive the best medical care, and for any queries about their health to be checked out by an appropriately qualified person.

I assume he wants you to ignore your own needs too. He's clearly ground you down that you're even posting this, questioning yourself.

I think you should make another appointment with the doctor and go without him. Explain to the doctor what he said and let them know what's going on. It sounds like you're in an abusive relationship.

I would divorce dh and make steps to ensure he had no unsupervised contact with my child with this belief system. How could you feel your child was safe with someone who wouldn't seek medical attention for them?

Wtf. Your “dh” is a prick.

I think the underlying thing might be fear. I mean i still think you are totally right and also when you are a parent, for stuff like this he has to set aside how it makes you feel and just do it for the child's safety

Did you both go to the doctors?

You followed your gps advice to go back, surely it’s better to get something checked and hear everything is ok. Your DH is just projecting his own dislike of hospitals or doctors