DH annoyed, who is in the wrong?

[candalll]

So basically my DC (2) has had an enlarged lymph node for 2 months now.

We were told to come back if it was still there a month ago.

The GP has referred us to the paediatric team.

My DH is absolutely fuming at me for booking the GP appointment.

He thinks that’s it’s normal to have enlarged lymph nodes.
I had to get the GP to explain what an enlarged lymph node can indicate an infection or very rarely cancer and he still wasn’t having it.

I feel as if I have wasted the GP’s time and just took DC in for no reason.

Have I done the right thing?

My dad has had cancer so anything health wise that is a concern I do book a GP appointment but not for minor things.

The last time we went to the GP prior to this was in June (for the enlarger lymph node and ringworm) and prior to this was in January (after a pharmacist referred us) so it’s not like I am always even taking DC to the GP.

Don’t be so ridiculous!

If they are paediatric doctors or course they can offer medical advice!!

Well the GP would not have referred you if she thought you were wasting her time. What a strange reaction to a potential health issue. 100% you’ve done the right thing, and i’m sure every one of us here would have done the same. This is just a symptom of a much bigger problem in that your DH is abusive. Contact women’s aid and get yourself out of this situation.

Has he always been nasty and abusive? What’s stopping you from leaving him?

He is controlling and he is abusive.

It is extremely worrying that he actively prevents you and your child from seeking medical attention.

You really need to escape this.

I have ‘wasted’ GPs time before because I am not a medical professional and the advice is to take DC for temps over 40 and various other things. One of my DC was directly admitted to hospital after an out of hours for suspected sepsis. 24 hours later was told it was a virus.

Anyway, I digress. I have large glands in my neck. You can see them. This is my normal, but I was referred to oncology for a scan to double check! Less than a two week am

Having seen your updates your DH is horribly controlling and abusive. The fact he stops /discourages both you and the children from getting professional medical help for potential serious problems if extremely worrying and neglectful. Obviously we all hope that our concerns are nothing and that we are wasting GP time - but we always need to check for unexplained lumps, bleeds etc.

Please call women’s aid and try to get out of this relationship for both you and your DC’s benefit. Report all instances of him discouraging seeking medical aid, and how he reacts when you do.

OP your relationship isn't a healthy or good one if he's abusive to you. I see you haven't got a car so can't go to see your GP alone, but could you make a telephone appointment to speak to her while your husband is out? You said she's lovely and I think she already has an inkling something is wrong by calling you back to get the leaflet. But please make sure you can do this without your husbands knowledge if you need that to keep safe. I wish you good luck, you and your son deserve better.

You are spectacularly missing the point. Well done.

After your first post, I was ready to give your ‘D’H the benefit of the doubt and assume his fear of hospitals was making him act out of character. But he sounds like a controlling and extremely unkind person. You are being an excellent parent by checking things with the GP - that’s literally what they’re there for. You don’t wait for imminent death or a limb to be hanging off to access GPs (although a lot of men seem to think that’s the best approach!). You go to them to check what’s going on and whether you need to be referred to a specialist. So your first step is to stop doubting yourself and your instinct. All the examples you’ve listed aren’t OTT. You need to remain strong and empowered for your DC’s sake.

I also think you’ll need to think about how happy and safe you are in this relationship. We only get part of the picture but you live with this person every day. Would you want your DC to marry someone like that? If not, why keep modelling that it’s acceptable. I’m always hopefully that communication and therapy can save a lot of marriages after children because it is such a challenging time but both parties need to be invested in the change and I don’t think anyone should put up with any form of abuse. I don’t know your ‘D’H enough to know if he could change but if he can’t, I don’t think you or your daughter deserve to be emotionally abused for the rest of your lives together.

I hope you have someone nearby (friend or family) to give you a big hug, OP. Please keep protecting your daughter and please don’t let his voice become bigger than your own - I know it might seem hard but you’re a mum - you’ve literally grown a human. You’re amazing and clearly know way more about being a good parent than he does.

Hi thank you for all the kind and supportive replies.

He is just awful to live with and be around to be honest.

He is very opinionated and is one of those people who are anti government and believes in conspiracies.

I am so thankful and grateful that he works away in the week to be honest as it’s the only time I get peace and get to be myself.

He even hates the fact that I cook DC healthy food and blames the fact because DC isn’t eating as much it is because he is sick of eating my food even though DC is teething molars.

DH isn’t even around in the week but he seems think he knows everything and tried to boss me around when he is here.

If it was down to him DC would live of McDonalds and cola as he does.

And then he tries to give DC bottles clearly not age appropriate and sighs when I mention the choking hazard risk, he is just an awful terrible father.

I will contact Women’s Aid as all this is making me feel really down and I am always questioning myself.

Op hugs, this man is not even a human. He would rather you and your child suffer, eat unhealthy and sounds highly abusive. I’m glad you are reaching out to WA. You need to document this all. Also he sounds very unsafe to leave your kids with

If you can’t get hold of anyone at women’s aid, as they are often very busy and call waiting times can be lengthy, google to see if you can find a local charity who can offer one to one support. You should also go to your local children’s centre and ask them to put you on the freedom programme.