DH annoyed, who is in the wrong?

[candalll]

So basically my DC (2) has had an enlarged lymph node for 2 months now.

We were told to come back if it was still there a month ago.

The GP has referred us to the paediatric team.

My DH is absolutely fuming at me for booking the GP appointment.

He thinks that’s it’s normal to have enlarged lymph nodes.
I had to get the GP to explain what an enlarged lymph node can indicate an infection or very rarely cancer and he still wasn’t having it.

I feel as if I have wasted the GP’s time and just took DC in for no reason.

Have I done the right thing?

My dad has had cancer so anything health wise that is a concern I do book a GP appointment but not for minor things.

The last time we went to the GP prior to this was in June (for the enlarger lymph node and ringworm) and prior to this was in January (after a pharmacist referred us) so it’s not like I am always even taking DC to the GP.

if a gp asks you to come back you go back they dont just throe appts iout for no reason

your husband is abusive

Wow. Imagine you'd not gone to the appointment, and God forbid, your DC was poorly 😬

Assuming your DH is just stupid and not abusive, I'd tell him in no uncertain terms, that you'll be doing what you need to do to keep your child healthy and thriving, regardless of his feelings on it. And if he gets in a mood, then so be it. I had to do similar with my DH a few years ago, when I was expecting our first, and he took offence at me double checking any meat on my plate, was cooked through before I ate it 🙄 I basically said "If you get upset every day, for the rest of our lives and we argue, then so be it. Because I'm protecting our child". Wild that I even had to, as he's not normally such a dickhead. But just an odd thing he got a bee in his bonnet about - hopefully it's the same for yours. Mine did sulk a bit, but in fairness has never questioned it again, because he knows how it will go down!

My GP always says to me “you were right to come in” even if it turns out to be nothing, when bringing DS to her. Your DH is wrong.

I'm sorry you are in an abusive relationship. Your child is still young and you still have time to get him away from this situation, do it for both of you

Your DH advised you that rectal bleeding was normal?
What the fuck is wrong with him?!!
He wants to take 'advice' from HIS friends, he doesn't want you or your child to see medical professionals, he doesn't want you to drive.
He sounds like a control freak.

Have a conversation with your GP about your husband.

@candalll while getting a car arranged think about the rest of your ducks you need to get in a row. When you are nearly ready to leave let every healthcare professional and and support you have know why you are leaving.

He will turn nasty and you need the team behind you so you can continue making the correct decisions for your son’s health, without this nasty idiot holding you back .

I have no words to describe what I think of your husband. You really need to get away. He is dangerous and wrong. Look after yourself and your son.

Your DH is apparently very very stupid and cannot be trusted to make health related decisions.

Regardless, you don't need his permission or input to take your child to the doctor, so just do it anyway and don't bother telling him unless he needs to know something.

Re "He is very nasty and abusive as well" - so you are putting plans in place to take your child away and protect them I presume?

Why did dh book time off work for the appointment? Only one of you needed to take him!

Think you “DH” needs to see a doctor of a different kind.

Listen to your doctor not your husband.

I turned up at the doctors because a gland in my neck has swollen up to the size of a tennis ball. He said he thought it was a blockage but got me an emergency referral to an ENT specialist. Sure enough, it went down the day before the appointment but as my GP said, better safe than sorry.

Why does your husband hate the idea of you having your own car, OP? I think this is a big red flag.

Of course you are right about your DS’ GP appointment.

This exactly. Nobody can possibly have an experience they haven't already had themselves (and are therefore experts on). It's awful.

Exactly @SamiSnail, you simply said that it didn't necessarily mean that something was wrong, However, you* didn't add that she was quite right to go back to her GP, as that was exactly what her GP had told her to do! FFS!*

I am quite sure that it was your ommission that left PPs with the impression that you thought that as the enlarged lymph node had been benign, that @candalll's DC's would also definitely be benign too!

Obviously, in the 'real world' that would be a ridiculous thing to assume. But, this is Mumsnet, where, along with innately intelligent and logical members, we also have those who seem to live in a fantasy world, where all sorts of weird and wonderful things and thoughts actually do happen.

You then doubled your transgression by warning @cherish123 to be careful as she too may get her head bitten off, which of course shouldn't happen because cherish123 had quite sensibly added
"... but it's always better to get these things checked out"!

This with bells on!

You say he hates you getting your own car? But can try to prevent you getting medical care in part because you don't currently have a car? That's pretty creepy.
And he speaks to you terribly.
This is not good, op. What are you going to do? Sounds like getting your own car is a great first step, hope you can do that soon. And think about whether this is someone you want in your home.

He needs to see a GP & organise some CBT. Of course you’re right to do that. He’s behaving like a lunatic & jeapordising your child’s health. I couldn’t cope.

Is your husband a GP? If so then that’s the only reason he can be right on this matter.

So as well as wanting to block you and your child from getting medical help, he is abusive in other ways too and wants to restrict your freedom (not wanting you to have a car)!

You really do need to leave this arsehole. This won't improve.

You did the right thing and your husband is an idiot!

If he’s not protective of his children, he’s not doing the job a parent needs to do.
by ridiculing you (YANBU!) he is throwing blocks in the way of you doing the job a parent needs to do.
above all things, you’re doing right by your child.

your husband is a terrible parent.

I think that neither of you are wrong about the theory - my lymph node on my neck has been enlarged for 4 years (I have eczema so it can happen).

However to be angry that you are taking the precaution of checking is barmy. Why is he angry?? It’s no skin off his nose to check surely and you’re following the advice.

Better to waste the GPs time than miss something important!

Well then your DH sounds like he is projecting his own fears on to his DC and in doing that being extremely neglectful of what could be a serious health issue (although obviously hopefully it isn’t).

You’ve 100% done the right thing, and done what the health professionals have advised.

Your DH is an utter neglectful dickhead.