To cut contact with db for this?

[Fatsnowflake]

Name changed as this is very identifying. My brother has always been a nasty character. Aggressive, will deliberately goad people and then shout at them. He’s paranoid and it’s easy to say the wrong thing around him. He’s a trained MMA fighter and physically intimidating. He also hates women and at a family meal he started expressing his support for Andrew Tate. I had to challenge that as my 15 year old ds was there and then he turned verbally abusive, accusing me of being jealous of our other brother and saying how his girlfriend was an excellent mother and a good woman because she’s softly spoken and doesn’t work.
He did apologise for this incident and although I kept him at arms length, I decided to still see him at family occasions to keep the peace, but keep my distance.
Then last weekend I went to a family friend’s party. I didn’t actually know my brother was going to be there but he drove my mum and her friend there. On the journey over he was accusing my mum of looking at a man out of the window!
I brought my lovely friend to the party and I was just ordering a drink at the bar when I realised my friend was chatting to my brother and his girlfriend. My brother’s girlfriend brought up the fact that she wanted to get married and my brother said that all married women cheat. My friend challenged this and said she was happily married. My brother then shouted at her ‘you’re ugly and I bet your husband is too!’
I heard this exchange and was obviously horrified. Everyone is frightened of my brother and so we moved away from him. About 5 minutes later he came storming over and shouted ‘don’t you disrespect me’ and poured a full glass of Prosecco over my friend’s head!
We spoke to the bar staff and got him thrown out and my friend rang the police to log what had happened. We left the party together and I’ve told my mum I never want to see my brother again - weddings, funerals, anything. If he’s there - I can’t be.

It transpired after that for some reason he was allowed back into the party and was calling my mum’s friend a ‘slapper’ because she was having fun and dancing. He clearly hates women. I’m quite shaken and upset for my friend and I’ve told my mum she needs to get away from him too.

Yanbu.
He sounds like absolute scum.
I hope your friend makes a statement.

I’ve told her I’ll support her if she does. The police didn’t seem that interested as she wasn’t physically hurt but it was really scary.

It was hard because everyone is so scared of him that it feels like you’re alone. I feel like it was targeted- he doesn’t like me because I’m an opinionated woman and he didn’t like my friend because she was with me. But no one sticks up for you because everyone is terrified.

i definitely would cut contact, he sounds horrible.
what does your mum think?

YANBU. You already wouldn’t have been unreasonable to cut him off on the basis of his always being nasty tbh. Who needs that in their life?

It confirms what I already think about men who do MMA. Serious anger issues.
What on earth is his problem? Where does all this anger come from? My god. His poor GF. She’s really at risk with that kind of explosive anger and awful attitude toward women.

I think my mum is frightened of him too. His poor girlfriend. She’s much younger than him and trapped I think. He’s also fallen out with her mother so her mum isn’t allowed to their house anymore.

I think you would be unreasonable if you didn't cut contact with that awful man. The less people giving him attention the better. Obviously talking sense into him is completely off the table so it's either cut him off or put up with him and that gives him the permission to continue acting toxic around you without consequence.
I have cut off less toxic relatives for far less than this! And it was not only for my protection and peace, but more importantly to remove them from the people I care about. I don't want my loved ones dealing with dickheads either especially my impressionable children.

Yes I don’t want him anywhere near my children. It’s just such an awful situation. There are family events I can’t go to because people are afraid to uninvite him because he’s a bully.

Next time I think it could be a punch as he’s escalating each time.

Of course he has. That’s what deeply insecure, angry men like that do. Jesus the poor lass.

I worry that this type of behaviour only gets worse and that someone is going to get hurt by him.

Could he be taking steroids ? I believe they cause uncontrollable rages.

Yes he has an incredibly fragile ego.

He’s late 30s and gf is early 20s with two little ones and no qualifications. She relies on him for everything. I do worry for her.

I did consider steroids but he’s quite out of condition lately and has put quite a bit of weight on (not muscle).

Is he taking steroids/ heavy cocaine use or has he always been like this ?

You are absolutely right to cut all contact regardless of the reason behind his vile abusive behaviour.

I don’t think he takes cocaine. He doesn’t drink alcohol either. Steroids - maybe but his body is quite out of condition so it doesn’t look like he is. He’s always had explosive rages from his teens, but they are getting worse.

Roid rage

Is he on steroids? Very common in these big blokes. Messes with your head, "steroid rage".

He doesn’t look like he is and he’s not fighting anymore so not sure. It did cross my mind but if anything he’s put weight on and looks quite flabby and out of condition.

YANBU, he has escalated from being verbally abusive and intimidating to physical abuse.

Im pretty sure if he poured a glass of wine over a police officer they'd arrest him so make sure you don't get fobbed off, he assaulted your friend op.

I feel so awful for my friend too. At least she knew I totally supported her. But I felt awful - responsible- even though I hadn’t known he was going to be there.

TBH I suppose it’s not your concern what the reason is or the possible consequences you just keep him as far away from you and your children as possible.

Christ I’d cut contact, what a horrid, horrid man.
he brings no benefit to your life or nothing positive, nah leave him to rot.

He sounds awful and in serious need of some therapy or medication. It's men like this I worry about, unhinged and scary and because they don't get help they escalate. Yet no one understandably wants to help them so they carry on and become a serious threat. If there is any way you can get him some professional help OP pls try!

I can't understand the GF at all, she must be as bad as him, or in fear of leaving. For her sake if you think it's the latter is there any way you could pass her your number or tell her to contact women's aid or something, help her to leave him.