Punished For Releasing A Frog Back Into The Wild

[BoundaryGirl3939]

I will try explain as best I can.

Two days ago (Friday), my dad brought a wild frog home in a bucket. He was visiting the family holiday house and said he wanted to show the frog to my brother’s five-year-old son when they came to visit. Then my dad left for a few days and left me with the frog...and no clear instructions. He is a disorganised person at the best of times.

The frog had water and a cushion was covering the bucket. The weather has been extremely hot over the past 3 days.

On the first day, I could hear the frog moving around in the bucket but didn't know how to manage it.

On day two, I still heard the odd thump. I was quite busy with my own things and anxious as i didnt know how to deal with it.

This morning it dawned on me that I hadn’t heard anything from the bucket. I started to panic that the frog had died or was very weak. I didn’t want to lift the cushion for fear I’d find a dead frog.

I rang my dad to ask what to do, but he gave me no advice... instead, he became defensive and blamed another relative for not stopping by to feed the frog worms.

So I went to ChatGPT for advice. It told me that the best thing to do would be to release it. Which is what I did...beside a lake. Thankfully it was alive but subdued.

Now father and brother (father of nephew) are angry at me...saying I had “no authority” to let the frog go and that I’ve ruined something for my nephew. My nephew wouldnt arrive until late last night so realistically he wouldn’t have seen the frog until tomorrow. My nephew also rules the roost and gets treats all the time...do it's not as though it was to be a life changing moment for him.

I genuinely didn’t think I was stepping on anyone’s toes. I didn't realise there would be such a fall out.

I've also spent the day tidying the family holiday house for my brother, and went food shopping for him this morning. Thankless.

For context: a fortnight ago, I stood up for myself over a long-standing unhealthy family dynamic that had been stealing my peace. I can’t help but feel that this strong reaction to the frog situation is less about the frog and more about me being “punished” for asserting myself.

Thoughts please?

Fine

Just stop using ChatGTP

It's awful for the environment too

Your family sound like dickheads. You did all you could in a horrible situation. Poor frog.

You did the right thing and your dad is a cruel arsehole.

There is a thread in relationships - “But we took you to stately homes”. It might help you to make sense of what you’re facing x

They are deranged and that's animal cruelty. Thank you for doing the right thing. Imagine how relieved that frog felt to be released. You are a kind and lovely person x

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/5365921-july-2025-well-we-took-you-to-stately-homes

latest thread x

The OP is being given an hard time by people who don't seem to understand what bullying can do to your ability to make decisions. It's especially hard if that means disobeying the bully or thinking the bully will be angry no matter what you do. If the frog had died the OP would probably have been blamed for it.
Using ChatGPT is no different from Googling the answer and gave the OP the necessary confidence to make a decision.
I hope the OP gets some help to deal with this toxic family.

This isn't really about a frog.

There are serious issues in your family. You need to get out, and get some decent therapy x

I think you have bigger problems than a frog in a bucket! Your dad and your brother sound utterly batshit!

Thank you. I'll check it out. My situation is certainly abusive. Unfortunately there are others out there in the same boat, and going through it right now. Its f**ked up. We need healing and strength x

How condescending. Lots of people have no clue about caring for wildlife. How often have inner city inhabitants held an amphibian in their hand? The OP is in a difficult emotional situation with her family, in addition to trying to help a wild creature that she wasn’t familiar with. It’s no different to reading up on how to care for a dog or cat if you haven’t owned one before. I have a frog pond in my garden which I inherited with my house 17 years ago. I’ve had to Google many times to make sure I’m driving them the correct habitat to continue beeedong in. l can’t believe the nastiness of Mumsnetters at times. Do you get off on it? Nobody needs your advice so off you hop…

I live near numerous water courses and it's a miracle to see how the frogs return to breed where they were spawned every Spring.
Your father was exceptionally cruel and you waited far too long before releasing this poor creature.

Why did you give the frog worms?

Where are you (country) as different frogs eat different things.

Your dad is so strange I wouldn't ever take him seriously again just humour him like a toddler if you need to interact

You did the right thing. Your Dad had no right to take that frog. There are laws protecting animals. I can’t believe the cheek of him talking about your authority to release it, what authority did he have to take a living sentient creature from its natural habitat and subject it to cruelty and captivity? What kind of lesson is that to teach a five year old? Why not take the child to the lake to see the frogs happily living in their natural home?! His behaviour was disgusting and you did the right thing. I just hope it was able to find its way home

you did the right thing.
what the hell is wrong with your dad and brother that they thought it was ok to keep a wild creature:
a) in a small container.
b) In the intense heat of the hottest day this year
c) for a prolonged period of time
d) without a proper place to sit just in water which is cruel
e) in the dark under a cushion.
f) without proper food
g) swimming in it’s own waste for days.

what the actual fuck. If they say anything about you being wrong, I’d tell them to go phone the rspca and ask them. They know full well that what they did is cruel but they don’t care.

couple of pricks.

I worry what else they will do for your darling nephew. Keep a mouse in a coffee jar with holes in the lid?

but honestly that frog was suffering and you should have done something sooner but im glad you saved it even if it took a long time. It’s still alive.

Take no shit from your prick brother. He’s bang out of order. It’s one thing finding a frog and watching it hop off but they are bang out of order keeping it. How would he like it if he were a frog. Prick.

They are two pricks. You read my mind. And i was shut down and intimidated even when i tried to explain myself. It's bizarre yes...am I being gaslit. I was definitely put back in my place aggressively. Horrible men. Really horrible. I was ganged up on but I am quietly strong too.

The frog was ok, and very alive when I let it go near water.

My brother is ignoring me in the holiday home. Im ignoring him back. Our relationship is dead (wasnt great before this). All over a frog. Couldnt make it up. What a shit show. I didn't cause it though so no guilt on my part. He showed what a dick he is, and his childish reaction was too aggressive and OTT for things to be ok.

Ireland.

If he wanted to engender a love of nature in his grandkid why not take him to visit the pond and see if they can find more frogs or other creatures? In my experience where there is one frog there are usually more. Go pond dipping. I loved doing that with my grandad and with my own kids now. That’s what normal people do not keep a poor frog in a bucket for days on end.

You were told you had “no authority”??!!! You don’t need authority; you were saving a creature’s life. Your dad sounds like judge, jury and executioner.

Exactly. He is an unbelievable dick.

This is one of those few cases where I would literally tell the two of them to fuck off. In front of the children if necessary.

Horrible cruel people who think an animal should be kept to die in a bucket for their entertainment.

Awful.

I thought you were going to say you'd released a cane toad in Australia or something!

You did the right thing.

Your Dad and your brother are cruel, abusive, bullying pricks, to the frog and to you. The best lesson your nephew could have been taught is that wild creatures are not toys, there for our amusement. If he learns a bit of empathy, he might not turn out like the men in his family and have a bloody chance.

" why do you have to tidy the holiday house and do the shopping? Why can’t brother do it?"

I'm going to take a wild guess - and it's just a crazy hunch- and say deeply ingrained sexism / misogyny handed down the generations that says wives and daughters have to do all the shitwork, shut up and defer to the almighty all knowing men whose penises magically confer superior knowledge on all subjects from international politics to amphibian husbandry and supreme authority over the mere vagina owners who must do their bidding.

"They are two pricks"
Hurrah! You'll be OK OP, because you know the score. Play the long game and concentrate on your escape plan and if you have children, male or female, protect them from this toxic intergenerational bullshit as best you can.