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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Punished For Releasing A Frog Back Into The Wild

103 replies

BoundaryGirl3939 · 13/07/2025 19:37

I will try explain as best I can.

Two days ago (Friday), my dad brought a wild frog home in a bucket. He was visiting the family holiday house and said he wanted to show the frog to my brother’s five-year-old son when they came to visit. Then my dad left for a few days and left me with the frog...and no clear instructions. He is a disorganised person at the best of times.

The frog had water and a cushion was covering the bucket. The weather has been extremely hot over the past 3 days.

On the first day, I could hear the frog moving around in the bucket but didn't know how to manage it.

On day two, I still heard the odd thump. I was quite busy with my own things and anxious as i didnt know how to deal with it.

This morning it dawned on me that I hadn’t heard anything from the bucket. I started to panic that the frog had died or was very weak. I didn’t want to lift the cushion for fear I’d find a dead frog.

I rang my dad to ask what to do, but he gave me no advice... instead, he became defensive and blamed another relative for not stopping by to feed the frog worms.

So I went to ChatGPT for advice. It told me that the best thing to do would be to release it. Which is what I did...beside a lake. Thankfully it was alive but subdued.

Now father and brother (father of nephew) are angry at me...saying I had “no authority” to let the frog go and that I’ve ruined something for my nephew. My nephew wouldnt arrive until late last night so realistically he wouldn’t have seen the frog until tomorrow. My nephew also rules the roost and gets treats all the time...do it's not as though it was to be a life changing moment for him.

I genuinely didn’t think I was stepping on anyone’s toes. I didn't realise there would be such a fall out.

I've also spent the day tidying the family holiday house for my brother, and went food shopping for him this morning. Thankless.

For context: a fortnight ago, I stood up for myself over a long-standing unhealthy family dynamic that had been stealing my peace. I can’t help but feel that this strong reaction to the frog situation is less about the frog and more about me being “punished” for asserting myself.

Thoughts please?

OP posts:
Zov · 13/07/2025 21:13

YANBU. Good for you for freeing the frog! 👏

Lostinbrum · 13/07/2025 21:16

Why are you even there why don't you just leave? N if your dad is that bothered about your nephew seeing a frog just take him to a nearby reptile shop they usually have them In

doodleschnoodle · 13/07/2025 21:20

This whole thing is bizarre. Clearly your dad is a dick, but you left a living animal trapped in a bucket in a heatwave for two or three days and needed ChatGPT to tell you to release it? That’s not normal behaviour either. Very odd all round frankly. Only thing I feel sorry for is the frog.

Original poster
BoundaryGirl3939 · 13/07/2025 21:29

doodleschnoodle · 13/07/2025 21:20

This whole thing is bizarre. Clearly your dad is a dick, but you left a living animal trapped in a bucket in a heatwave for two or three days and needed ChatGPT to tell you to release it? That’s not normal behaviour either. Very odd all round frankly. Only thing I feel sorry for is the frog.

Well it was caught on Friday. I released it today. Thats 2 days. Yes, not nice but not my decision.

It would have been 3 days had we waited until my nephew saw him in the morning. It would have been too late by the time they arrived tonight.

I released him today.

I didn't create this shit show, I never encouraged it. I didn't even realise what was going on.

It's easier for people living in healthy dynamics to asset themselves (as its the norm) but its draining and terrifying when you don't. And very often its hard to think clearly when you're repeatedly told you have no authority. My mother doesnt stand with me either (prob because deep down shes afraid)...its very messed up and I often feel powerless.

OP posts:
dogcatkitten · 13/07/2025 21:32

At least you should have fed the poor frog, they get hungry too you know.

Notashamed13 · 13/07/2025 21:32

Poor thing was probably starving.

Notashamed13 · 13/07/2025 21:33

And I hope you released it near a water source...... frogs are not like toads and need water.

Hoppinggreen · 13/07/2025 21:34

You should have released the frog straight away.
Anything else whether due to ignorance or fear of your family is unacceptable.

Huggersunite · 13/07/2025 21:35

BoundaryGirl3939 · 13/07/2025 20:08

Yes, he's a bullying sometimes and the dynamic is intimidating. He doesnt like being questioned of challenged. This fall out shows it.

Show quote history

Yes even this comes off as very controlling and demanding.

ZanzibarIsland · 13/07/2025 21:36

I'm afraid if you post about trapping a frog in a hot bucket for two days you are going to be told you're cruel.

Bridport · 13/07/2025 21:38

The frog trapped in a bucket by cruel people sounds like you OP. You freed the frog, now free you.

Get away from these miserable people and make your own happier life. Don't put up with bullies. Don't clean and shop for people who don't deserve it. Don't tolerate people who are cruel to animals.

8isgreat · 13/07/2025 21:39

doodleschnoodle · 13/07/2025 21:20

This whole thing is bizarre. Clearly your dad is a dick, but you left a living animal trapped in a bucket in a heatwave for two or three days and needed ChatGPT to tell you to release it? That’s not normal behaviour either. Very odd all round frankly. Only thing I feel sorry for is the frog.

I think that you don’t quite understand what it means to be brought up in a household where there is an undercurrent of this type, and what it can do to you as a person.
It’s very easy for you to say that op should have immediately known what to do, but in reality it’s harder than you think to interpret something as “wrong”, especially something not completely clear cut like this.
If you also have a parental figure who believes themselves always in the right, and any alternative opinion is looked down on, knowing your own mind is not as easy as you might think.

ohfourfoxache · 13/07/2025 21:39

You need to think about how you’re going to get yourself away from this massive shit show

You know that you’re in the right, if you didn’t then you wouldn’t even question it. So the question is how are you going to get get away and just be happy

How can MN help you to achieve that?

Ohnobackagain · 13/07/2025 21:40

@BoundaryGirl3939 why do you have to tidy the holiday house and do the shopping? Why can’t brother do it?

BellissimoGecko · 13/07/2025 21:51

Your dad is a complete twat. What an idiot, taking a frog away from water in a heatwave and expecting it to live in a bucket with no food!

You did the right thing. ignore him. You might be happier going low or no contact with him - how would you feel about that?

Momstermash94 · 13/07/2025 22:01

So the frog was in a plastic bucket, with a cushion blocking airflow at the top, in this heat?? It must have been like a sauna in that bucket for the poor thing!! You say it had water but I wouldn't be surprised if that water was roasting hot. Shockingly cruel for the frog to ever have been put in the bucket in the first place. I hope the frog survived after it's release but they are so vulnerable in this heat at the best of times, a lethargic and unwell frog from being kept in a hot bucket definitely wasn't given the best chance of survival. Your dad should know better not to treat a living thing as a toy

PrinceRegentLady · 13/07/2025 22:01

Your father and brother are cruel people. Their behaviour is revolting.

I think your focus should be on trying to understand how your bullying father has destroyed your confidence to such an extent that you didn’t immediately stand up to this cruelty- and that you still doubt your decision. And why are you expected to clean and shop?

The family dynamic sounds horrendous- the poor frog is really just a symptom. I would be trying to make a plan to escape this awful environment.

Sera1989 · 13/07/2025 22:03

You did the right thing. It was cruel for the frog to be in a bucket for several days without the right food or environment. I’ve been in a family situation similar to yours so I can empathise. I wouldn’t be surprised if your Dad feels weak and unhappy inside and has passed this down to your brother and they both bully you to make themselves feel superior. It sounds like you might live in the family home? The best thing you can do is work on getting yourself out so you get distance and they aren’t a big part of your life anymore

Original poster
BoundaryGirl3939 · 13/07/2025 22:06

dogcatkitten · 13/07/2025 21:32

At least you should have fed the poor frog, they get hungry too you know.

He was given worms. It was other elements of the scenario that worried me.

OP posts:
Original poster
BoundaryGirl3939 · 13/07/2025 22:08

BellissimoGecko · 13/07/2025 21:51

Your dad is a complete twat. What an idiot, taking a frog away from water in a heatwave and expecting it to live in a bucket with no food!

You did the right thing. ignore him. You might be happier going low or no contact with him - how would you feel about that?

I would love it finished had somewhere else to go but I just don't.

I will be having words when this has all calmed down. And I will be avoiding him even though we're under the same roof.

OP posts:
Original poster
BoundaryGirl3939 · 13/07/2025 22:11

ohfourfoxache · 13/07/2025 21:39

You need to think about how you’re going to get yourself away from this massive shit show

You know that you’re in the right, if you didn’t then you wouldn’t even question it. So the question is how are you going to get get away and just be happy

How can MN help you to achieve that?

Even getting validation from other posters is helpful. It highlights how wrong this is, and how my feelings are right...and they were always right despite the intimidation.

OP posts:
Original poster
BoundaryGirl3939 · 13/07/2025 22:11

Bridport · 13/07/2025 21:38

The frog trapped in a bucket by cruel people sounds like you OP. You freed the frog, now free you.

Get away from these miserable people and make your own happier life. Don't put up with bullies. Don't clean and shop for people who don't deserve it. Don't tolerate people who are cruel to animals.

Edited

Amen

OP posts:
Neemie · 13/07/2025 22:19

Frogs can’t survive permanently swimming around in a bucket. They need to be able to to sit on something like a rock so they can rest with the head out of the water. It is so cruel and ignorant to keep them in a bucket. At least you let it out eventually.

lemoncake29 · 13/07/2025 22:19

Useless advice now but you could have told him the frog died and maybe then he would have realised what a stupid, cruel and reckless thing he did by removing it from the wild and expecting to exist in a bucket for 3 days! What a complete arsehole.

Judging by the sound of him though he probably would have framed that as being your fault too.

Please assert yourselves to these people. I understand that being presented with a frog in a bucket and expected to babysit it for a few days is not generally an everyday occurrence. You were probably surprised and unsure what to do. But now you’ve had time to think about it and had validation on here you should feel no shame in telling them that you did the right thing! And that they are twats for taking the poor thing in the first place.

It sounds like this goes far deeper than frog gate so either learn to stand up to these bullies or remove them from your life altogether.

Givenupshopping · 13/07/2025 22:19

Bridport · 13/07/2025 21:38

The frog trapped in a bucket by cruel people sounds like you OP. You freed the frog, now free you.

Get away from these miserable people and make your own happier life. Don't put up with bullies. Don't clean and shop for people who don't deserve it. Don't tolerate people who are cruel to animals.

Edited

Beautifully put 'Bridport'! Totally sums up the OP's situation, and I too, hope she can now find a way to set herself free, as she did the frog.

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