WIBU to fly abroad with pneumonia and DC with a chest infection?

[OreoBiscuitPie]

We are due to leave on Wednesday to go to Canada. DH’s sister lives there, he hasn’t seen her for 15 years and has never met his niece and nephew who are 11 and 4. There’s a long complicated story as to why it has been like this but basically his family are from a poor country in Eastern Europe, managed to emigrate to Canada eventually, but DH’s mum couldn’t get residency so they all got deported and essentially banned from the country, the sister was allowed to stay as was an adult had a Canadian partner by then. DH was only a teenager at the time. After years of fighting with the Canadian immigration system and an appeal involving an immigration lawyer we managed to get the ban overturned so he can finally visit his sister for 2 weeks. We don’t earn particularly well and it took a lot of saving.

We’re going with our 3 year old. This trip has been planned for 2 years. Sod’s Law, we all caught Covid about a month ago. DH recovered very quickly. Me and DD recovered quickly too but have since both developed chest infections. It seemed to go away then come back. DD has been checked out at a walk-in centre a few days ago and now on treatment, she is recovering and only has the lingering cough now and no temperature or chills but she’s still not 100% herself.

I went to GP yesterday to finally sort myself out. I’ve had the cough, green mucus and headaches etc but I’ve not bothered about myself as I’ve been so worried about DD. With her finally on the mend I’ve finally found the energy to get myself seen. GP didn’t like sound of my chest and sent me to walk-in centre where I was diagnosed with fucking walking pneumonia. Advised by doctors that it’s not recommend to fly but that if absolutely necessary then I can.

I was so excited to meet DH’s sister and kids and vice versa. DH desperate for his daughter to meet his sister. I feel as though we have to go, and I want to, but my family are worried and telling me not to. I feel there’s no choice. We’ve been advised we’re not contagious to others. In a way I think it might help me recover as we’ll be guests so I can take things a bit easy and have someone cook for me, not be cleaning or cooking etc like I would be at home, so maybe it will help me recover? AIBU?

I don’t agree with this. If my DH had been through everything the OP has explained, I think he’d be similarly devastated - wouldn’t you be, honestly?

And if my DH would be so upset, given I love him and we have a good marriage, I’d also want to try to find any way round this shitty situation to make it work. My DH wouldn’t be applying any pressure on me, subtly or otherwise. It’s just what I’d want to do for him.

How was your pneumonia diagnosed? Did you have a sputum test and x ray? Are you on antibiotics? Just wondered if it might be a viral chest infection. And did the doctor categorically state that you cannot fly, it seems that s/he was 50/50 on that.

I hope your travel insurance sorts out some recompense for you if you don't/can't go.

Or maybe he's genuinely devastated given the backstory - I mean, wouldn't you be?

That said, I think he should go alone and see his sister. If DH was in his shoes and I was too sick to travel, I would shove him out the door to go and see his family. No way would I let him cancel on my behalf.

Honestly I wouldn't even think about going, I'd be taking the chance to rest up.

I'd also be hoping that husband would take child if they will be well enough.

Your husband and child can still go, you could follow on later when you are well.

I think dh and dd should go. She'll manage fine without you. She's with her dad.
If you can change your flight go and join them for the second week and fly home together.

I had a chest infection which didn't clear, I got an appt at walk in centre where I was diagnosed with pneumonia and admitted to hospital, I was given IV antibiotics and initially temp came down and I was switched to oral meds. Late that same night my temp shot up higher than before and I had to go back on IV, I spent 3 days in hospital and a fortnight on meds including steroids to clear it up. There are very limited emergency facilities on flights, you never know how it will affect you, go later when you all feel well, which I hope is soon 💐

It is ok for him to be upset and devastated by this - I was upset when I missed a holiday due to chicken pox and that wasn’t as emotionally charged as this is.
but he also needs to be realistic in that the OP certainly can’t and his DD probably shouldn’t fly

spesk to you insurance it should cover you

It’s shit because it cost thousands over the years to get to this point. We sacrificed loads to afford the legal battle to get him unbanned. Had to get the lawyer to argue the case that it was wrong to have banned him from Canada permanently due to his mother’s failure to sort residency when he was an innocent child. I am so angry that this has happened. It’s terrible luck.

After the first failed attempt to go, we were so excited about going this time. Technically he could still go but he’s saddened at the thought of going without DD and even me as he wants to show his sister the family he has built.

As to how DH’s sister is godmother having never met DD, I guess she’s not “officially” the godmother but she is considered to be as such by DH. Similarly, DH is the “godfather” of her daughter. It was started by her and we continued it. It may seem odd but I guess it’s their way of trying to have a connection despite circumstances. They have a large age gap and the sister was a mother figure to DH.

I would really encourage him to go regardless. He's probably very anxious after such a long time but he will regret it if he puts it off!

So sorry to hear of everyone else’s stories of having pneumonia! It’s brought home to me how ill I actually am. Currently got pain in my lower lungs/ribs when I move I’ve been putting everyone else before myself. I neglected myself due to worry for DD. If only I’d have gotten myself seen earlier before it got to this point.

DH is stressed, he keeps changing his mind as to whether he’s going or not. He has concerns on leaving us. Me and DD both low on energy at the minute but he’s worried when DD starts to feel better she’ll be running around and into everything again and I’ll be alone with her unable to rest and recover.

It is shit and it is upsetting.

But DH still needs to go and see his sister. In the nicest way, your and your DD are secondary to this.

Please tell him to go.

100%. And whilst OP has been doi g all this fighting and saving, why couldn't the sister come to UK? . As a Canadian citizen there are no restrictions on her. Seems quite selfish after the op already last several thousand pounds.

I think DH and the children should all go. Pack some Zooki liposomal Vit C for your DD, it'll help her get back to normal quickly.

As frustrating as it is, you really do need to stay home.

Perhaps she is not a citizen? People can spend years and years in immigration limbo.

I think your DH should go with DD, she will be fine. You should delay your flight by a week and see how you are by then. Hopefully your health will be better by then and a week in Canada is fine.

As an aside, am curious as to how your SiL is DD's godmother if they've never met? Do they allow the ceremonies to happen online now?

If the DD has a chest infection she probably shouldn't fly either, tbf.

Send dd with him!

Bacterial and Viral pneumonia are contagious. Fungal isn’t. You need to find out which you have because you could be spreading it. You can be contagious up to four weeks before symptoms appear and for a while afterwards. If something happens your travel insurance likely won’t pay out. I wouldn’t risk it.

i know you realised you cant go now but just to clarify is there a reason his sister has never come here if your dh was banned from canada

why is it all on you to go there

If it isn’t until Wednesday can you not fly out Sunday covered by travel insurance? I am not sure if medically that’s enough time but it might be. You can have a shorter visit

I’m not sure if I have missed how old your dd is ?

Aside from how you feel and the risk of contamination if you;re contagious , the pressure difference in a plane will have an effect too .
If you are taken ill on board , where would they land ?

I had a collapsed lung on a flight ( I didn't realise at the time ) I had no known contributary factors ( turned out I had a cyst in my lung)

2x hospitals , 2 x surgeries , very scary and ££ but covered by my insurance .

Could you enjoy a trip thinking If this goes pear shaped I am scuppered

Cost of re-patriation flight too is ££

You;d be mad to take a risk .