To think overnights at their dads will have to stop soon?

[cadburyegg]

I share two boys age 10 and 7 with my ex husband. He lives in a 1 bed flat and has done since the break up. He has the children EOW and every Monday night. When they are there they sleep in his bed and he sleeps on a camp bed in the living room. This was fine to start with, when we broke up they were 5 and 2 so no issue but as they are getting older it’s playing on my mind that they need their own beds really.

I bought him out of the house 2 years ago and we got a financial clean break. My solicitor said I was very generous with the settlement he got (6 figures) but we live in a pricy area and my exh doesn’t have a high income, so I wanted him to have a decent deposit which would hopefully enable him to buy somewhere suitable for when the children stay with him. That hasn’t happened, and since then he’s gone self employed and doesn’t earn much (as far as I can tell - CMS say he doesn’t have to pay maintenance).

I have told exh that he needs to sort proper beds for the children if they are to carry on staying there. I’ve suggested the beds that zip together but can detach which would mean they would have separate beds. He won’t consider it and said he can’t get more beds and can’t move yet.

AIBU to say they won’t be able to stay there when ds10 starts secondary? Or can they carry on like they are for a few more years? Ds10 said he doesn’t mind but ds7 says he has trouble sleeping there. I am stressing a bit because if the overnights stop I am going to have to change childcare arrangements or possibly even find another job….

Some thoughts please?

I don't think you have an agenda at all, privacy is important to children, especially as they get older. He's had the opportunity and means to make changes but he's chose not to. I wouldn't stop them going, you won't need to, they'll vote with their feet as they will naturally start to feel uncomfortable.

im not syaing long term its a good idea but some kids have to share permanently its not really worth the aggro right now

Oh really? How will I be better off if the children don’t stay overnight? I guess I’ll save money as I won’t be able to go out with friends 🤣

I understand your concerns & in an ideal world you XH would have a house/flat with 2 or 3 bedrooms so that your DCs can have their own room/s. However, for whatever reason he's chosen not to do this. At the end of the day that's his decision & not your concern. All the evidence is that he's a loving & caring parent. How he choses to parent on his time with your DCs is not your concern. Your children will probably get to the point when they have other things going on in their lives & will want to spend more time at their home with you doing their hobbies, meeting girlfriends etc.

God just ignore these people OP.
I think most parents would have the same thoughts in your situation. People are just so unbelievably harsh on mums on here xx

I know they are I was replying to a pp.

Kindly, Yabu. Asking children if they want their own room at dad’s doesn’t mean they should get it. Otherwise, ask them if they want to go to disney land 😂

The evidence is that he can't be bothered to get them appropriate furniture. He sounds utterly useless.

Thanks! I’m sure if a stepmum posted saying that her dh had her stepchildren sharing a bed she’d be ripped to shreds 🤣 I also don’t like the implication that my exh is such a committed dad because he’s bothering to see his own kids EOW 🤣

I really don't see why they couldn't sleep in the same bed, siblings have been doing so for hundreds of years.

If they don't like it, they will complain to him, it is really NOYB.

I agree. I detect an under-current of trouble making from the OP, no matter how much she protests otherwise