To think overnights at their dads will have to stop soon?

[cadburyegg]

I share two boys age 10 and 7 with my ex husband. He lives in a 1 bed flat and has done since the break up. He has the children EOW and every Monday night. When they are there they sleep in his bed and he sleeps on a camp bed in the living room. This was fine to start with, when we broke up they were 5 and 2 so no issue but as they are getting older it’s playing on my mind that they need their own beds really.

I bought him out of the house 2 years ago and we got a financial clean break. My solicitor said I was very generous with the settlement he got (6 figures) but we live in a pricy area and my exh doesn’t have a high income, so I wanted him to have a decent deposit which would hopefully enable him to buy somewhere suitable for when the children stay with him. That hasn’t happened, and since then he’s gone self employed and doesn’t earn much (as far as I can tell - CMS say he doesn’t have to pay maintenance).

I have told exh that he needs to sort proper beds for the children if they are to carry on staying there. I’ve suggested the beds that zip together but can detach which would mean they would have separate beds. He won’t consider it and said he can’t get more beds and can’t move yet.

AIBU to say they won’t be able to stay there when ds10 starts secondary? Or can they carry on like they are for a few more years? Ds10 said he doesn’t mind but ds7 says he has trouble sleeping there. I am stressing a bit because if the overnights stop I am going to have to change childcare arrangements or possibly even find another job….

Some thoughts please?

What’s the real reason you want to stop overnights op?

Yes, if one or both children are uncomfortable with the living/sleeping arrangement then their father needs to be told they need separate beds.
Tbh its not long for the children to make their own choice and vote with their feet , but being made to share beds is not appropriate at their ages.

Ffs,social service's,have better things to be doing with their time then telling off a dad for not having separate beds.

I think they should have their own beds. You don't say how far away their dad lives, which if nearby does mean one or both could come home at night if it becomes unreasonable or unworkable.

They really wont.

Ok, fair enough if I’m being unreasonable. I just think they should have their own space that’s all, there’s not “another reason”. It makes my life much easier if they can stay there. I don’t think my concern is being controlling tbh but like I said, I’ll accept that I’m being concerned for nothing.

The only thing I’ve said to the children was just me asking them today if they minded sharing a bed there.

My brothers shared a double bed until one moved out at age 23, I don’t see a problem until your DS don’t want to do this anymore.

He could bed share with the eldest and the youngest takes the camp bed. It is up to the children. Also childcare needs will change when your eldest is a teen and more self sufficient. So I wouldn't be worrying.

That doesnt mean that SS shouldn't be asked to look at this.

I wouldn’t be allowing overnights without their own beds.

why should they have to share - their dad isn’t forced to share with someone else so why is it ok for his children

id end overnights and tell him to get the beds or take you to court

Social services wouldn’t give a flying hoot. Why do MN think they are an enforcement agent of middle class standards?

You’re assuming the kids are bothered? My niece of that age chose to share.

I would hope they would tell you ,you were being ridiculous
There are children that are being neglected and not fed enough food
Social.services have far more important things to do with their stretched resources, than pander to this nonsense.

It's not a middle class standard, its safeguarding, its really shocking to me that so many on here think this is ok.
Being made to share a bed and having the option to whilst having access to your own bed or room are completely different situations and one child here has expressed discomfort.

It wouldn't be up to you though, nor is it up to OP. If she stops contact over this then her ex could take her to court for enforcement and unless something else was going on this would be looked on very unfavourablely.

There’s entire families living in one hotel room and you think social services are going to be bothered about two children sharing?

Its not up to you to allow anything

Yes, especially when the father has funds to provide this for his children.

Tell.me what safe guarding issue you think there is?

Social.services don't care wether the father has funds or not they care that the child has a place to sleep,is being fed and kept clean

They also care about potential abuse and the emotional and social development for each child.

Abuse? Oh come on, you're being ridiculous now.

Nothing else going in. Bog standard case of left dh in the family home. Cafcass came out to check dc had own beds....
End of visit.

Another turtle agreeing with @Purpleturtle45 !!