Making another go of our relationship with an alcoholic

[P0p]

Me and my partner having another go of our relationship we have a two year old son together too. My partner is an alcoholic but since we trying to give it ago he’s been good not drinking too much and being horrible with me we did have a argument on the 1st of July but it’s been two weeks and we’ve not had another one which is a good thing for me as we did it all the time. He is making more of an effort with our son but still making comments with me or trying to comment about my parenting but yet he just naps all day and leaves me to it to look after our son which that’s not changed since I came back to give it ago. I’m worried it won’t last long and that he will start being controlling and drinking again feel like he’s putting a front on. Has anyone been in a similar situation and been with an alcoholic? How long does the nice man last?

Hi OP my mum was an alcoholic and I wished my Dad had left her. She was aggressive and unreasonable in drink. I suffered greatly and am still trying to make sense of my awful childhood

My husband is a binge alcoholic so can go weeks sober but then goes to town on booze. It can be awful..I wouldn't recommend it

Please don’t do this too your son. It does t sound like a healthy environment to bring up a child in. Leave now before it’s too late.

That’s not great for your son. Children of alcoholics can be greatly impacted by a parent’s behaviour. Honestly, if he’s still drinking I wouldn’t hold out much hope of things working out. Is he getting help?

Just leave now. Don't waste your life.

Your son doesn't have a choice about who he lives with but you do, please don't inflict an alcoholic on him. Put him and you first and split up for good.

I wouldn’t take the risk OP. He’s still being controlling and sounds lazy. I’d ditch him now.

Good Lord, who's the 25%? I worry about the alcoholic but worry just as much about the willingness with which you'd put a child in the environment of this. Please look into some personal therapy to help you understand why your bar for acceptable is so low.

I'm sure your own childhood hasn't left you with a lot of resources, so please do take good care of yourself and try to find healthy, supportive people that can show you love and care outside of sexual relationships.

Your son will be damaged mentally and emotionally if you stay. It really is that simple.

Be a parent and remove your child from this abusive household. Then get yourself some therapy to work out why you think you aren't worth more than being this man's emotional punchbag.

The best thing you can do for your son is to not allow him to be around an alcoholic.

He’s very lazy says it’s because he’s in agony all the time and his legs and he does have sleep apnea but he does catch up with sleep in morning and then goes for a long nap in the afternoon he gets plenty of sleep and still gets all the rest he needs but makes out he’s the one that is doing everything.

Just leave.

Just no. You have a son that you need to put first. If he said I’m going to AA and stopping drinking then I would say consider it in a year. But he needs the time and space to just focus on himself.

This is what he is like he can be quite unpredictable a lot of the times and even if he’s sober he can still be unpredictable but he’s not as aggressive.

Honestly he sounds awful. He will not change. Get out whilst you can!

The nice man lasts as long as the alcoholic never touches another drop and addresses the underlying issues that led to the alcoholism to minimise risk of cross addiction or other manifestations of their damage. No one can possibly know how long that will be. Some it lasts a lifetime. Most, sadly it doesn't, and you end up with many years of falling off the wagon, climbing back on again, new problems emerging, health issues, mental and physical, hope, disappointment and general lack of stability. Its a huge risk and I'd not advise anyone to even consider it unless the person showed 100% commitment (you're nowhere near that, he's still drinking and behaving poorly) and there were no children involved. In your case I'd offer friendship, dating even if you want more, but under no circumstances would I be resuming family life with him.

Stop being such an enabling mug op. He's done a right number on you and got you nicely trained.

youre doing this for you, not your child. At least be honest about that.

No. U and ur son deserve a calm loving environment. When does he get time to work if he is sleeping a lot in day?

With all his sleeping during the day , I guess he doesn't work either . So an alcoholic , non working , unpredictable loser . Is that a good role model for your son ?

He tried AA and said it didn’t work for him as it’s group sessions he’s not been drinking everyday like he has before but I just worry that he will go back to that. We did split around January and then he was sending me letters saying how he wants to fix things and make things right and then I came to try our relationship this month but I’m just constantly thinking about how long it be till he’s back to his old self and drink again.

Your poor son. Why don’t you get on his side instead of yours and your alcoholic partner’s side and take him away from this shit childhood?

My MIL prioritised her alcoholic DH over her children. We are suffering the consequences of this 40 years later. DH has poor mental health and has visited it on his family ever since. Not violence but anxiety, depression, lying in bed all day etc. I won't be visiting that crap on my own children.

No. It is very clear that giving it another go with this man is a terrible, terrible idea. If he were attending AA and had stopped drinking, it would still be quite a bad idea. He's not even trying. Why are you inflicting an aggressive drunk on your child?

He’s wanting to go back to work and he’s got to see someone to talk about his problems apparently and then they gonna help him to get back into work but it’s him that’s gotta help himself too isn’t it so I’m hoping he will go back to work and get himself back on track.