To think we have to travel with them even if it’s frustrating

[Lulev]

My niece is getting married in Australia in January, obviously we will go to the wedding. We will fly down just after Christmas so the whole family will fly together, which sounds lovely buts it’s actually not at all.
I would say we can be split into 3 groups.

Group 1
DSD and her BF - Travelled with them a few times before, it’s chaos. They get to the airport early, somehow still nearly miss their flight, get distracted people watching for over an hour, dilly dally like the plane is waiting for them.
DH also hates spending too much time with them as despite being together for a good while now and not being teens (they are 24 and 27) he still looks at her like she hung every star in the sky and constantly bites his lip/grins. They are also ridiculous for PDA.

Group 2
My DH, myself, my mum, my DS
Fairly normal, arrive at a normal time, no rush but no sightseeing route either. Minimal stress, maximum efficiency.

Group 3
My dad, my DD, DSS and DSS’s gf
Never on time to anything, don’t know where their passports are, run through the airport like they are going for Olympic gold and always last on the plane (unless group 1 got distracted or have decided stopping to kiss is more important than the flight).

On the plane the story flips

Group 1 are suddenly tolerable, they hardly speak, will share earphones for music and are pretty relaxed.

My mum however becomes a nightmare, she is the only woman on earth who can talk for 24 hours straight, nothing is good enough for her, she will tell you the same story 12 times just new wording and gets offended if you stop listening.

My Dad and DSS and DS, all ridiculously loud, no concept of the idea we might just want to sleep and think that discussing the ethics of killing nazis in world war 2 is an appropriate flight conversation.

My DH thinks we all just fly separately, everyone is an adult, we will give ticket money to the kids who are still students and then leave everyone to sort themselves out.
While I think this would be more personally enjoyable. I also know that DSD and her bf just won’t make the flight too distractible and every member of group 3 will lose something, bag, passport, will to live etc.

So AIBU to think we all need to travel together even if it’s frustrating or do I wish everyone luck and enjoy a calm flight with my DH?

Do other people want to fly together?

The grandparents need to travel if still healthy enough. The aunt and uncle should try to go. Everyone else is cousin level and they are optional if it is that far away.

if they are adults, let themselves deal with their own logistics. This is not your headache.

My mum and dad want to fly with us and DSS and DD want to fly with us. I’m not sure about DSD I assume they won’t care much either way.

Prime travel time. Flights were very full. You could only get flights out the next day. Shame.

Fly separately! That’s a super long haul flight and they all sound massively infuriating in their own ways. For the sake of a happy wedding, it would be best to arrive in Aus not having smothered a family member with your travel pillow.

Fly separately! Enjoy a calm flight with DH. Nothing worse than travelling in a group with people who can’t organise themselves. Let them get on with it. If they end up missing flights/losing their minds because of their own shambolic ways, so be it. They need to learn the consequences.

I think you and/or DH should tell DSD and BF and DSS and GF in your best Arnold Schwarzenegger voice(s), “you lack discipline!” 😂

Fly together, book seats, book yourself and DH at other end of the plane

Long-haul flying is stressful anyway - the seats are miniscule these days and everyone is crotchety after the 6 hour mark. For the sake of the trip overall, split up. Tell the Nazi fixated that you don't think a whole family should be on one flight in case of disaster. Use a milder excuse elswhere. Then get on with some finagling to ensure your mother is separated from you just very slightly.

Think about the dynamics after the journey. You don't want to ruin the trip by having to barely endure a very long and doubly uncomfortable flight.

Just agree on the day & flight tell them to book themselves. It's too hard organising large groups.

January is absolute peak travel season here in Australia as it's our summer holidays. So book flights & accommodation quickly if the wedding is in a popular location.

Be aware (unless it's in Tassie) it'll likely be sweltering hot.

The qn really depends on how much herding is really needed, if this needs to be don’t by you, and if you’d be more anxious awaiting updates etc if you travelled separately.

Buy sleeping pills / noise cancelling headphones / an upgrade for you and DH in any case …. And check if anyone wants to embark on their own Australian/Asian road trip beginning preXmas?

I was already flying on my own with my boyfriend aged 18, and if we hadn't sorted ourselves out we'd just have missed out.

It's pretty pathetic that mid 20s to late 20s adults are apparently helpless and hopeless, if they mess up it will be a good lesson for them, albeit rather late in life.

Assuming your parents are ok to fly without assistance, you're not their comfort animal.

DH is right.

You can set yourself up to be the group's nanny and carer if you like, but I can't see why he should have to be dragged into that dynamic, so I hope he flies alone if it pleases him.

DSD and her BF sound sweet, reading it reminds me of me and DH at that age/quite a bit younger/sometimes now.

Re reading this, DSD and boyfriend sound like bumbling idiots, and super annoying to have to be around, even without having to be their nanny and carer for a flight.

Basically, you’re perfect, everyone else is a nightmare?

Travel alone. Leave the fun group to travel together.

Your responsibility is just to your children if under 18. Book yourself seats away from the others on the flight if the children are old enough to sit separately. As pixiedust said you dont want to be arrested for smothering one of them.

All these people are adults and presumably have successfully managed to travel without you, no matter how chaotic it looks from the outside. Just tell them you’re booking xxx flight and let them sort themselves out.

You’ve mentioned the age of DSS and her BF but what about the other DC? Surely for anyone in their 20s, what flights they can do will depend on their annual leave arrangements and, depending on their roles, shift patterns and that sort of thing.
I’d give them a budget and leave them to sort it out. There are so many different routes to Australia and they might have different views on whether they want to stopover or not and where that would be.
Are your parents retired? If so, might they want to spend longer in Australia than you? Again, they might have views on stopovers.
If this was our family, one couple would book their flights and then let everyone know what they were doing as well as any other useful info they’d researched or gleaned via the process (eg we’ve booked BA on these dates via Singapore where we’re spending a night on the way out and it was X. We did consider Emirates and Cathay but they were Y and Z price. We also looked at stopping over in Tokyo.) Others could then join us on the same flight if they wanted or they could do something else.

Travel alone. They are all adults and you don't have to designate yourself the tour leader. They possibly think you are a bit bossy and controlling anyway. If people miss flights because they are hopeless then that is their problem, not yours.

This is why I hate travelling with anyone and prefer to go on my own.

@Lulev you are not going to change them. You need to grin and bear the airport bit with strict instructions to not miss the plane.

On the planes - book their seats miles away from you and say sorry I couldn’t get them all together.

Book group 2 on the flight via LA and everyone else via Singapore?

Fly separately. It is a long flight. You will have enough to deal with from jet lag alone, never mind having to deal with people who lack basic skills of being on time and organising a known place for their passport.

Why di you think you have to do it at all? You are not their nanny, PA or travel courier. Just get yourself there and let the other grown adults sort themselves out, whether it's the same flight or different ones. Not your responsibility if they screw up. That's it.

I would fly separately, if it were me. Long-haul flights are miserable enough and they sound infuriating!

DH and I went to Tokyo earlier this year and we spent the 14 hour flights wearing noise-cancelling headphones, communicating via notes typed on our phones, and occasionally nudging each other to offer a crisp or Percy Pig.

I understand why you'd feel uncomfortable about insisting on travelling separately though so if you do decide to go together, make a commitment to yourself that you'll leave them all to it. Passports, minor gripes, getting to the gate on time, combat ethics in the 1940s - not your problem.

Why are you being such a people pleaser? Pay for (and book, if you must) the dc, but separately to you. If your mum is capable, book her with your ds if he’s old enough or use headphones and try to sleep as much as possible. I assume your parents are split?

Why are step cousins compelled to go and why are you paying for them? That’s absolutely crackers. As for the step cousins BF, that is not Australian wedding closeness, it’s not even sending a card closeness.

Go with your husband, tell you parents your flight, just FYI the kids.