To think we have to travel with them even if it’s frustrating

[Lulev]

My niece is getting married in Australia in January, obviously we will go to the wedding. We will fly down just after Christmas so the whole family will fly together, which sounds lovely buts it’s actually not at all.
I would say we can be split into 3 groups.

Group 1
DSD and her BF - Travelled with them a few times before, it’s chaos. They get to the airport early, somehow still nearly miss their flight, get distracted people watching for over an hour, dilly dally like the plane is waiting for them.
DH also hates spending too much time with them as despite being together for a good while now and not being teens (they are 24 and 27) he still looks at her like she hung every star in the sky and constantly bites his lip/grins. They are also ridiculous for PDA.

Group 2
My DH, myself, my mum, my DS
Fairly normal, arrive at a normal time, no rush but no sightseeing route either. Minimal stress, maximum efficiency.

Group 3
My dad, my DD, DSS and DSS’s gf
Never on time to anything, don’t know where their passports are, run through the airport like they are going for Olympic gold and always last on the plane (unless group 1 got distracted or have decided stopping to kiss is more important than the flight).

On the plane the story flips

Group 1 are suddenly tolerable, they hardly speak, will share earphones for music and are pretty relaxed.

My mum however becomes a nightmare, she is the only woman on earth who can talk for 24 hours straight, nothing is good enough for her, she will tell you the same story 12 times just new wording and gets offended if you stop listening.

My Dad and DSS and DS, all ridiculously loud, no concept of the idea we might just want to sleep and think that discussing the ethics of killing nazis in world war 2 is an appropriate flight conversation.

My DH thinks we all just fly separately, everyone is an adult, we will give ticket money to the kids who are still students and then leave everyone to sort themselves out.
While I think this would be more personally enjoyable. I also know that DSD and her bf just won’t make the flight too distractible and every member of group 3 will lose something, bag, passport, will to live etc.

So AIBU to think we all need to travel together even if it’s frustrating or do I wish everyone luck and enjoy a calm flight with my DH?

Your DH is absolutely right. It is not your job to make sure other adults get to a destination.

OP, my DM is like you. She felt like she needed to organise taxis for her two brothers to the ceremony (men in their 50s who are in fairness, useless, but come on!). She'll moan about how they can't do anything/always mess up arrangements but also won't let them do that and learn. It's very frustrating. Let people mess up; the world will not end and you cannot care more than they do about them missing a flight.

Wow if my own dad hated spending too much time with me because my boyfriend looks at me like he loves me too much I wouldn't want to trek to Australia with any of you,

Book your own flight tickets - by that I mean those under 18 yrs who you are directly responsible for - and let the rest sort themselves out. If your mother is sat next to you put in your headphones, close your eye and relax. No need to make a drama of all this.

Perhaps the most difficult travelling companions are the ones who are monitoring and judging everyone else's behaviour.

why are you responsible for what all the other adults do? I am Team DH now and forever

This was a situation we found ourselves in a few years ago - I suggested we all book our own tickets and just meet up at the airport on the day.

I then went ahead and booked a lounge and upgraded tickets to premium seating. Some of the other 'group' tried to follow us into the lounge but were obviously stopped by the front desk so we just gave a cheery 'see you on the other side' and left them.

How old are all the kids in this scenario? I would book tickets for yourself and anyone else (minors) that you’re responsible for and let the rest of them make whatever arrangements suit. No point trying to micromanage the rest - they’ll either get there on time or they won’t. Stop giving it so much headspace, be selfish.

it all sounds so stressful.

Book tickets. Fly together. everyone is an adult and responsible for getting themselves to the plane and on the airport.

You put noise cancelling headphones on as soon as you get to the airport and ignore everyone until you get to baggage reclaim. Anyone who is lost, misses something etc etc is not your problem.

Travel with them if that's,what they all want but don't micro manage them. They are all adults...they are responsible for getting on the plane themselves. Sit in your groups but in different rows.
The flight to Aus is far too long to sit by someone annoying.
Stop making yourself responsible for all of them.

That would be my first choice!

My second would be to be as far away as possible from mum, dad, dss & ds.

I'd book if necessary, tell them the details & leave them to it.

@Lulev confused about the relationships! if your step children are going, what relationship are they to bride/groom?? do they need to go if they are not cousins??

Travel separately. Accept that everyone is an adult and you are not responsible if they miss fights/lose belongings etc.

Unclench.

they are all adults, they dont need mother hen clucking around them.

You sound as if you truly believe that none of them can function properly without you micromananging them! Empty nester by any chance?

I think you and your DH somehow find yourselves on a different flight on your own from everyone else.

" Dearie me, no idea how that happened, see you when we get there".

Failing that seats away from the rest.

What a shame your DH doesn’t like seeing his daughter’s bf being so in love with her. I’d be really happy if that was my daughter.

Love long haul travel as am Australian so have been doing this type of travel since a baby. My suggestion would be all travel on same plane but make sure you are seated in a different part of the plane to them.

"I also know that DSD and her bf just won’t make the flight too distractible and every member of group 3 will lose something, bag, passport, will to live etc."

So? Their problem. As long as they go a few days before the wedding they have time to sort it. I agree with your DH.

Of course you can't stop them from booking the same flight as you but they can make their own way to the airport and (presuming you don't pay for allocated seats so won't be allocated until you check in - if you do pay don't tell them you have!) will be sitting separately to you.

Although tbh I've got to say that the chances of everyone else being annoying in some way and you and your DH being the only perfect travel companions are pretty low! You've probably got some habits that annoy them too, perhaps they won't want to travel with you!

have group 1 and/or group 3 members managed to go on holiday /trip without you ever?

This is a very valid point!

I know this isnt what the thread is about op but I think its so sweet you take step kids too. 💗 I also love how fair you are when detailing how the tablets turn when you're all on the plane 🤣🤣🤣

If other people choose to 'dilly dally', let them get on with it.

They're adults, not children 😳

Choose a flight and leave everyone else to book themselves on. Book yourself and DH into business class and enjoy the lounge. Buy noise cancelling headphones!

This. You are not responsible for other adults. You are not responsible for finding shit they've lost . If they don't fly, and you do , that is not your problem. Get headphones .My mother tells the same story over and over. I point it out now ( gently) and she laughs and stops. She's not doing it on purpose as a way to annoy me. She just forgets she's said it before. If you need to 'save' other people the people who like to be saved will gravitate towards you. Stop doing it . A breezy " No idea XYZ , we're going through the gate now, see you on the plane "and then don't engage further with the drama. They can bring the drama. You are not obliged to stay for the performance.

I'd seriously consider booking a flight for the day before or the day after the rest of them. But say you have booked for the same day if they ask.

I'd say they'll end up at the wrong church/venue anyway. Make sure you are not herding them there aswell! Are you staying with family or in hotel. If the latter do NOT stay in the same hotel, but one close by.

You come across as very caring about the entire brood, and want to make sure it all goes smoothly. But the time comes when YOU come first, and I think this is one of them.

Travel together but book seats far far away from each other on the plane 🤣