To think we have to travel with them even if it’s frustrating

[Lulev]

My niece is getting married in Australia in January, obviously we will go to the wedding. We will fly down just after Christmas so the whole family will fly together, which sounds lovely buts it’s actually not at all.
I would say we can be split into 3 groups.

Group 1
DSD and her BF - Travelled with them a few times before, it’s chaos. They get to the airport early, somehow still nearly miss their flight, get distracted people watching for over an hour, dilly dally like the plane is waiting for them.
DH also hates spending too much time with them as despite being together for a good while now and not being teens (they are 24 and 27) he still looks at her like she hung every star in the sky and constantly bites his lip/grins. They are also ridiculous for PDA.

Group 2
My DH, myself, my mum, my DS
Fairly normal, arrive at a normal time, no rush but no sightseeing route either. Minimal stress, maximum efficiency.

Group 3
My dad, my DD, DSS and DSS’s gf
Never on time to anything, don’t know where their passports are, run through the airport like they are going for Olympic gold and always last on the plane (unless group 1 got distracted or have decided stopping to kiss is more important than the flight).

On the plane the story flips

Group 1 are suddenly tolerable, they hardly speak, will share earphones for music and are pretty relaxed.

My mum however becomes a nightmare, she is the only woman on earth who can talk for 24 hours straight, nothing is good enough for her, she will tell you the same story 12 times just new wording and gets offended if you stop listening.

My Dad and DSS and DS, all ridiculously loud, no concept of the idea we might just want to sleep and think that discussing the ethics of killing nazis in world war 2 is an appropriate flight conversation.

My DH thinks we all just fly separately, everyone is an adult, we will give ticket money to the kids who are still students and then leave everyone to sort themselves out.
While I think this would be more personally enjoyable. I also know that DSD and her bf just won’t make the flight too distractible and every member of group 3 will lose something, bag, passport, will to live etc.

So AIBU to think we all need to travel together even if it’s frustrating or do I wish everyone luck and enjoy a calm flight with my DH?

Upgrade yourself and your husband quietly and leave the rest of them to it in the back of the plane. Or if you can't afford that, at least book them seats far, far away from you. Blame plane error.

Fly without them.

I can't believe your even considered travelling together and sitting together.

You are not responsible for people catching their flight. Nor are you responsible for people not losing their stuff. They are adults, if they miss their flight /loose their passport - it’s THEIR responsibility to book a new flight / sort out an emergency passport. Tell them in advance that they’re adults (and you feel stressed by their behaviour so will not be travelling with them - this part out loud if you’re feeling brave enough, and otherwise say it in your head). DO NOT let yourself get into a situation where you’re going to be worrying about people missing flights /losing stuff, because it’s NOT YOUR RESPONSIBILITY.

This! @Lulev this is on you!

you’re assuming responsibility for people who are well able of doing this stuff alone - or not. They are adults

book you and Dh together . Go out a day earlier than everyone else and leave them to it.

seriously

I got moaned at by my OH because I said for him to carry his own passport. I told him he’s a adult, has a 35yo business and has travelled extensively all his life for work and leisure

as have I. I don’t need to carry his passport anymore than I need him to carry mine. I’m an adult. He’s older than I am. He can carry his own travel documents

be firm @Lulev and don’t allow any of this BS wifework/mumwork/nannywork.

Oh God, why do people feel the need to organise others and be responsible/fret about them. I just look out for myself and my immediate travel companion(s), and they do the same for me. But there's never an issue and if there was and it was recurring, I'd go separately. That's just common sense.

Your money and air fare is just as valuable as the ditzy ones.

Yep where is the bit where you acknowledge that you are a micromanager and that you like a flight to go a certain way with peace and quiet

people travel differently there is no one way and it is the issue with travelling in a group. So you either have to let it go (which seems to be the flaw that is missing from the OP) or travel separately

but I imagine everyone will get there!

You're probably wildly underestimating your children and step children - they might revert to teenage behaviour while with you, assuming the grown-ups are in charge and they don't have to be responsible, but if they travel alone of course they'll be fine, unless there are actually relevant special support needs you haven't mentioned.

It's a very long flight and you won't do your relationships any favours infantilising your adult children and step children and indeed your parents, and travelling with them under sufferance because you believe them to be incompetent.

They would quite possibly all be less stressed / distracted if you leave them to work at their own pace. There's no emergency. They don't need a leader.

If your parents need you, tell them what flight you are booking, but that's it. No need for everyone to sit together.

That’s quite the story

Just tell them no. You and husband are taking a mini break in Bali on the way over. Or be honest and tell them they’ll drive you bonkers with their constant chatting and rushing.

You're under no obligation to travel with anyone who is an adult and can take care of themselves. And even if you do travel together with, say, your DPs, you don't have to sit together on the plane. In fact, I would engineer it that way - that they come on the same flight but book their own tickets and check themselves in. It's a loooong flight to Australia and sitting next to someone who talks non-stop would do my head in.

You have a huge sense of responsibility for everyone. These people are all adults and responsible for their own travel and topics of conversation; they have the right to make, what you consider to be, wrong choices.

Time to step back.

Does everybody really need to go all that way just for a sodding wedding?

Also, why do you all need to go? I get that you and DH want to go and your DPs, but all your step-DC? Why? Presumably they aren't even related to your niece.

YABU. They're adults, it's not for you to manage. I have friends and family who are often late and forgetful, they always manage to pull it off for an important event, such as a flight, without me intervening. If they didn't, that's their problem.
I'd also not bother booking their tickets or seats. That way you're less likely to be sat with someone who will annoy you during the flight.

Bc the OP and her DH will have the stress when it all goes wrong.

I'm just interested to know if groups 1 and 3 would recognise these behaviours as what they do lol

Not if they don’t choose to.

Not if they don’t take ownership of it they won’t.

Sorry OP, I have nothing useful to add.
Just came on to say I can see this as my future! 😂

Group 1 know that’s what they do, and do it anyway?

Group 3 believe in “airport theory”.

If you need to book your mum and dad's flights seat them together and we'll away from your and DH. Book any children that need booking for and seat away from you and transfer money to any over 18s that need paying for with an email spelling out that they need to organise and book ASAP because you won't be funding ticket price increases closer to the time, and if they end up not going to the wedding you want that money back

Travel together.. Suck up the airport bit but somehow 'accidentally' book yourself seats at the opposite end of the plane for the flight.

@Lulev what is airport theory?!

I would travel separately. They all sound super annoying and like the whole mission would be kitten herding. I can't think of anything worse. Especially when you will then need to spend the rest of the trip with them

I also know that DSD and her bf just won’t make the flight too distractible and every member of group 3 will lose something, bag, passport, will to live etc.

I don’t know why you think this is your job to sort out. Your DH is right. I would fly with my mother because I would rather do that than deal with the fallout but apart from that it’s up to them if they forget things or miss their flight. Take earplugs.

Edit - just realised you have a dad. I wouldn’t book/take your mum.