To think we have to travel with them even if it’s frustrating

[Lulev]

My niece is getting married in Australia in January, obviously we will go to the wedding. We will fly down just after Christmas so the whole family will fly together, which sounds lovely buts it’s actually not at all.
I would say we can be split into 3 groups.

Group 1
DSD and her BF - Travelled with them a few times before, it’s chaos. They get to the airport early, somehow still nearly miss their flight, get distracted people watching for over an hour, dilly dally like the plane is waiting for them.
DH also hates spending too much time with them as despite being together for a good while now and not being teens (they are 24 and 27) he still looks at her like she hung every star in the sky and constantly bites his lip/grins. They are also ridiculous for PDA.

Group 2
My DH, myself, my mum, my DS
Fairly normal, arrive at a normal time, no rush but no sightseeing route either. Minimal stress, maximum efficiency.

Group 3
My dad, my DD, DSS and DSS’s gf
Never on time to anything, don’t know where their passports are, run through the airport like they are going for Olympic gold and always last on the plane (unless group 1 got distracted or have decided stopping to kiss is more important than the flight).

On the plane the story flips

Group 1 are suddenly tolerable, they hardly speak, will share earphones for music and are pretty relaxed.

My mum however becomes a nightmare, she is the only woman on earth who can talk for 24 hours straight, nothing is good enough for her, she will tell you the same story 12 times just new wording and gets offended if you stop listening.

My Dad and DSS and DS, all ridiculously loud, no concept of the idea we might just want to sleep and think that discussing the ethics of killing nazis in world war 2 is an appropriate flight conversation.

My DH thinks we all just fly separately, everyone is an adult, we will give ticket money to the kids who are still students and then leave everyone to sort themselves out.
While I think this would be more personally enjoyable. I also know that DSD and her bf just won’t make the flight too distractible and every member of group 3 will lose something, bag, passport, will to live etc.

So AIBU to think we all need to travel together even if it’s frustrating or do I wish everyone luck and enjoy a calm flight with my DH?

You don’t say how old the others are? Certainly for dsd who is an adult fund the flight with the clear message including by text that you won’t fund any difference for make up flights if they miss one, and leave her to it- if they miss it they miss it. Sounds like a valuable life lesson, the best kind where minimal harm is done.
for the grandparents book them seats with a row in between you. But I would have said do you mind things I love about a long haul flight without small children are reading and watching movies ON MY OWN.

People are different and do things differently. You don’t need to organise everyone and try and make them approach it your way. To others you may come across as judgy or controlling and make it feel stressful for them. Travelling together sounds stressful all round and I don’t know why you think you have to do that. Let people make their own arrangements which may or may not involve you.

Let people be responsible for themselves. Adults don't need you to arrange things for them - your husband is right.

I'm still stuck at my niece is getting married in Australia so obviously we'll be going. Very envious that you can do that! To me it's simple, if you do not want to fly with the rest of them, don't. That's a long arse journey to be flying with people you don't like to travel with.

You can be on the same plane but not sit together, you could do your own things at the airport too. Personally I like to be at the gate as soon as it is announced for example so will head there no matter what other members of my group are doing, it just puts my mind at rest and stops me getting stressed.

Just book seat on different parts of the plane! It’s not difficult, you do t have to stay together once you arrive at the airport. Book a lounge slot for you and your husband!

Go a few days earlier than everyone else and tell everyone you and hubby are having a mini break. Book a flight back a day earlier/later than everyone else.

I would absolutely fly separately assuming everyone is an adult. If they miss the flight, lose passports, etc well, I guess they won’t be at the wedding and they’ll have to explain that to the bride and groom. To me, sounds a bit like learned incompetence. They don’t have to take responsibility for their things and their timeliness because they know you will carry it all.

They are all grownups, leave them to sink or swim and fly yourselves separately.

Tell them you want to be like the Royal Family and never fly on the same plane.

You sound like my mother in law who can't accept "the kids" aren't six any more. They're not six any more!

Book the same flight for everyone but different groups of seats. Make sure you're sat near people you don't mind being near for the duration. Put undesirables far away!

Does anyone actually need your support to travel, e.g. your mum? If not, definitely fly separately.

I'd RSVP "No" and send a gift

Your family would drive me round the bend

I couldn't travel with them

If they're all adults, everyone looks after themselves. Otherwise you're the designated person for changing seats, dealing with delays, dealing with change of plans due to sickness, etc. It's a holiday for you too which means not looking after everyone else. Another adult misses their flight, so be it. If some of them are kids, then that might be different.

@Lulev this reads as you thinking that only you are responsible enough to herd this mob all the way to Australia.

Now presumably they have all travelled independently of you prior to this?

You are not responsible for anyone but your own DH and DC. So book on your own and leave them to it.

And sorry but your DM sounds the worst of the lot. Let her travel with your father unless they are separated which you don’t mention.

If you can scrape the money together do consider doing one leg of the trip in premium economy. It’s worth it.

You lost me at ‘obviously we will go to the wedding’. Obviously I wouldn’t.

I would probably shepherd them all through the airport and onto the same flight as me and then sit nowhere near them. Preferably in a different class so that cabin crew will prevent them visiting me but I appreciate that might be expensive

So AIBU to think we all need to travel together even if it’s frustrating or do I wish everyone luck and enjoy a calm flight with my DH?

wish everyone luck and tell dh to book your two return flights and explicitively tell him this is his administration to sort asap so you get a good deal on flights and a decent one night stopover.

Then tell rest of family you're having stop over and dh has already sorted flights etc

Book your own flights and let all those other adults look after themselves.

No way would I book for a group. Everyone book their own and if you end up on the same flight that's ok but you won't be seated together. The young folk can sort themselves out, i dont see why its a big deal if they are affectionate or rush a bit, it sounds like you don't like hanging out with them but that's not really relevant to the flight.

The only issue would be your mother, she may not be OK alone. If you need to travel with her make sure she is in a different seat and pop over and visit her a few times but you don't need to sit next to her.

It seems like you've put yourself into a leader of the pack position here as the middle generation but there is no need for this.

They’re all adults - I absolutely would NOT be making myself responsible for any of them. Just book a sneaky upgrade on the flight you want to go on and say you’ll see them at the venue. Bonus points if you book yourself into the nearest airport hotel the night before to make it as easy as possible on yourselves!

Every time I travel with my family I’m astounded they cope on their own, but they e all done multiple long haul journeys themselves so I know they can and have to accept my way isn’t the only way. So we usually travel to the airport independently (or at least just in household groups), check in separately, maybe touch base for a drink in the airport together, shop separately and get on the plane separately. That way no one is stressing about someone else having a different airport attitude.

In your case I’d also suggest booking separately so you all sit in household groups or not together at all on the plane. And if someone finds different flights more convenient they can book those instead or choose to travel with you.

But honestly some of this is a you problem so you just have to let go that there are other ways to travel successfully that don’t look like your way.

Presumably all these adults travel independently the rest of the time? So clearly capable of catching flights, even if they're late to them. Don't martyr yourself into becoming the travel organiser for everyone.

I'd want to go ahead of them personally so I didn't arrive stressed. If you book a flight that departs after them and one of them does miss it, you might get roped in.

Pay for lounge at airport so have to get their early to make use of it?