So pi$$ed off being an unpaid travel agent - warning I'm ranting a bit

[Ilovepastafortea]

DH has an annual school reunion in September some distance from us - we live in darkest Cornwall, the reunion is in the South East (can't say where as could be outing) & we've gone every year for - well ages.

I enjoy it as we meet old friends & it's a chance for DH to catch up with people who he was at school with about 60 years ago. The men go for their AGM, the women sit outside a pub (the weather is generally good) &, frankly we have a good gossip, catch up about GC, what's happening in our lives & probably drink rather more than we would do normally. It's a good weekend & I enjoy catching up with friends who I generally only have contact with via email & the occasional WhatsApp call.

However, somehow I've become the travel agent for about 5 couples & it's in danger of increasing - I'm getting emails from others saying: 'I understand that you're staying at X hotel, would love to join you, can you book us in?'. I'm saying not this year due to pressure of work, granny duties etc.

It's crept up over the years, first I booked (and paid the deposit for) the same hotel that we're staying in for ex-pat friends travelling from abroad, then I booked their trains as easier for me to do as they fly into Heathrow, we can meet at Paddington & travel on from there together meeting the others at St Pancras to travel onwards.

Fast forward a few years & this year I find that I've booked rooms (again paid a deposit for) in the hotel that we're all staying in for 5 couples. Then ex-pat friend can't come as has health condition & can't fly, so cancel his bookings. Not an issue as not his fault. I can cancel & get my deposit back given the circumstances & that lots of notice given.

All friends very good at paying me my deposit back & I have no issues with payments.

Then I get another request from a couple asking if I can move their train ticket from St Pancras as they would like to stop off to visit daughter for a couple of hours while in London. Another saying that they can't be there on the Friday as planned (as looking after GC), but would still like to stay on the Saturday.

Now another has asked if I've booked a family room as her (adult) daughter would like to come. I've said no, only booked double rooms, if they want to change their booking here's the hotel's contact info.

Another asking if I've booked dinner anywhere & specifying that they can't eat spicy food - my answer is 'No I haven't, thought we could go to Wetherspoons as good choice & good price' (we will have a formal meal that we're all going to on the Saturday).

WTF am I - an Fing travel agent?!!😡

I've told DH that I'm taking a break from the school reunion next year & they can sort themselves out.

I've also said that, at least for next year, DH can book our holidays, dog kennels, B&B before/after any flights, train fares etc etc. Which means we will probably spend the rest of our lives going to the same (dog friendly) hotel locally that we visit about 3 times a year out of season & no more foreign holidays.

Do I care? Not really.

AIBU? DH says no I've done enough &, although I'd be missed, fair enough.

Or AIMNBU & should just continue doing it as I'm good at it otherwise why would people ask me to do it year after year?

Just say no.

Next year send everyone an email saying DH and I are booking here this year. If you would like to stay at the same place here is a link to the website so you can book too.

Exactly this. And add something like you’re really busy so can’t sort out others arrangements but here are links etc.

you should still go but not be expected to organise it all!

I'm tired just reading that! YANBU!

Stand firm and say no. Why has this become your job, and not your DHs anyway?

Just say no. You don't have to skip the reunion, just refuse to do other people's bookings for them.

It's ridiculous that you appear to think the only options are continuing to be a doormat, or avoiding the reunion!

Tell them at the end of this upcoming trip that next year they have to make their own arrangements (you’ll communicate which hotel you choose to stay at with DH, but that’s it). Then they can’t claim next year that it has come as any surprise.

And if anyone says that it’s not too much work and you’re being unfair, they can take over!

Why didn't you tell people to take care of their own travel arrangements after the first time you did it?

Just say no, can't do your stuff this year, no extra headspace. They know they're imposing, they just don't care. Don't send them links, don't do anything. This is nuts.

Unless you're getting group discounts, I don't understand why they'd even want you to make their bookings

Next year, bright and breezy email "Dave and I will be staying at X and having dinner at Y. If you'd like to join us, here's the hotel website and let me know by Z date so i can book the restaurant "

Definitely not unreasonable. Things like this get out of hand very quickly. The people asking are obviously under the impression you are happy to do it.

So definitely make it the last year you do it.

You could either just simply decide not to go next year, which might be a shame if you enjoy it.

Or you could say you aren't sure if you can make it, won't know until a couple of days beforehand, so it's best people make their own arrangements - but knowing full well you will be there.

Or you could be honest now and say you have enjoyed sorting it all out in the past, it's been a pleasure, but you find it's getting too much to do now, so this will be the last year you are doing it, but happy to pass on phone numbers and any tips ready for next year.

I would not miss out on the trip, but there is no way i would be booking tickets or rooms for anyone. If they ask send a link to the website saying 'we have booked here, if you want to do the same contact hotel'

I would only help a close friend if they had some special set of circumstances that made booking themselves very difficult.

If you enjoy the reunion, then skipping it next year seems a bit like cutting off your nose to spite your face

As pp says, why not just book for you and DH and send a link to others. Or even better, get DH to.

Why didn't you just say no? Assume you're adult

even a polite "Sorry, way too busy to do this for you, heres the link" would do

Just say sorry i’m taking a break from booking for everyone this year as it became quite stressful last time.

Why on earth are these people asking you to make their travel arrangements for them??!

Tell them you’re not their employee and to do it themselves.

To be honest it's weird that so many people have asked you to do that so you must be allowing and have given the impression you'd do it. If you don't want say "no" when they ask I'd say

"Here are the details so you can book yourselves in"

end then screenshot the hotel details / dated or the train booking details.

I can usually understand some difficulty saying no but this is an odd one to agree to do.

It's only become my job because I was booking our hotel, talking to the expat friend & I offered to book him & his wife into the same hotel.

Over the years it's mushroomed & before I knew it & was the blinking travel agent for them as we wanted to co-ordinate meeting at St Pancras. I think that I was too generous & will say to them all - now you know about the hotel you can do it yourself.

One couple the husband was best man when we married & they were there for our renewal of vows 8 years ago for our 30th anniversary in a very special place in a cathedral where usually the public aren't allowed & where DH & him were confirmed.

I think that I'm going to take a year out next year as I have to consider that our cocker spaniel will be 13 on 8/2/26 (which is elderly for a cocker) & I don't want to leave her in kennels these days as she needs her home comforts - she's showing her age with arthritis, going deaf (though she can hear a can of dog food being opened!) & her eyesight isn't what it was as she bumps into furniture if I move it.

I have a cousin who will have her if we decide to go abroad, but cousin is 78 in October & cares for her aunt who's 95. I can't impose on her too much.

As everyone else says, don't miss out yourself. Telling them this year is plenty of notice. Some will ignore that / 'forget' as they'll want an easy life and will hope you'll crack and do it anyway. You'll need to hold firm to 'sorry, I said I was taking a break from organising the trip but all the details are on the group chat'

Tbh I'm astonished you haven't ended up waiting ages for people to pay up for their bookings before now (or maybe you have..) No good deed goes unpunished and people take things for granted when you have done them a few times. Do not give in to the guilt. It's your treat too!

I really don't understand why you would do all this for other people unless you get some gratification from doing it. You are being a martyr.
Just say ....this is the hotel I'm staying at, see you there. If anyone presses just say, sorry, I can't help this year. No excuses, no reasons...just no.

Thank you

Yes, I have a problem saying 'no'. Growing up I was a 'good girl' & I need to learn to say 'no'. I often find myself starting to say 'no' to something but them am persuaded. I feel guilty about saying 'no' - 'no' is not a 'good girl' response. I'm very aware that I have problems with conflict and will avoid it by agreeing to something that I don't want to do.

I need learn the mantra 'No is a complete sentence'. But I always feel that I need to give a reason.

Repeats to myself 'No is a complete sentence, no, is a complete sentence...'

Wow that's outrageous! Good call

You don’t have to say “no” just say “I’ll send you the link so you can book everything yourself.”

I'm getting emails from others saying: 'I understand that you're staying at X hotel, would love to join you, can you book us in?'. I'm saying not this year due to pressure of work, granny duties etc.

So you have said no this year? That’s good.

I can’t believe you did this, I have trouble enough booking my own tickets, let alone anyone else’s.

I don't think you're being unreasonable to not want to be the groups travel agent any longer. You were kind to do it for the ex-pat friend, but the other tagger-ons are taking advantage of your kindness.

But that's no reason to go off in a huff, and not attend something that you otherwise enjoy.
Just send one email round a couple of months before, "Hi everyone, DH and I have booked into X Hotel and are planning on getting the 10:15 train out of Truro to Wherever. Here's a link to the hotel if you want it. Can't wait to see you all!"

Surely no-one will be brass necked enough to ask you to book for them after that. But if they do, a polite follow up, "Sorry, DH and I are only in a position to organise our own travel and accommodation this year. Hope to see you there though!"

As for paying up.

I have to confess, that DH & me are not short of money. We both have very healthy savings &, although he's retired, I still work & earn far above average incomes for where we live, no mortgage, no debts, so we're lucky that ATM finances are not an issue.

That might change & should DH need care given he's is nearly 10 years older than me (he's 72 in Oct, I'm 62 next month)

Don't not go, do as suggested.

TBH as everyone ages there may be medical issues starting to arise or other reasons causing cancellations so it's probably best, as a PP suggested to send a link to the hotel you're staying at and they can sort out their own accommodation.

If you don't feel comfortable doing that
I'd mention at this year's reunion that you're not sure about wanting to put your dog in kennels next year, so as of yet you're unsure what will be happening but you'll be happy to send details of the usual hotels and they can decide if they want to use them. That way it frees you up from booking duties for everyone else except yourself and DH and gives them plenty of notice to book for themselves.