So pi$$ed off being an unpaid travel agent - warning I'm ranting a bit

[Ilovepastafortea]

DH has an annual school reunion in September some distance from us - we live in darkest Cornwall, the reunion is in the South East (can't say where as could be outing) & we've gone every year for - well ages.

I enjoy it as we meet old friends & it's a chance for DH to catch up with people who he was at school with about 60 years ago. The men go for their AGM, the women sit outside a pub (the weather is generally good) &, frankly we have a good gossip, catch up about GC, what's happening in our lives & probably drink rather more than we would do normally. It's a good weekend & I enjoy catching up with friends who I generally only have contact with via email & the occasional WhatsApp call.

However, somehow I've become the travel agent for about 5 couples & it's in danger of increasing - I'm getting emails from others saying: 'I understand that you're staying at X hotel, would love to join you, can you book us in?'. I'm saying not this year due to pressure of work, granny duties etc.

It's crept up over the years, first I booked (and paid the deposit for) the same hotel that we're staying in for ex-pat friends travelling from abroad, then I booked their trains as easier for me to do as they fly into Heathrow, we can meet at Paddington & travel on from there together meeting the others at St Pancras to travel onwards.

Fast forward a few years & this year I find that I've booked rooms (again paid a deposit for) in the hotel that we're all staying in for 5 couples. Then ex-pat friend can't come as has health condition & can't fly, so cancel his bookings. Not an issue as not his fault. I can cancel & get my deposit back given the circumstances & that lots of notice given.

All friends very good at paying me my deposit back & I have no issues with payments.

Then I get another request from a couple asking if I can move their train ticket from St Pancras as they would like to stop off to visit daughter for a couple of hours while in London. Another saying that they can't be there on the Friday as planned (as looking after GC), but would still like to stay on the Saturday.

Now another has asked if I've booked a family room as her (adult) daughter would like to come. I've said no, only booked double rooms, if they want to change their booking here's the hotel's contact info.

Another asking if I've booked dinner anywhere & specifying that they can't eat spicy food - my answer is 'No I haven't, thought we could go to Wetherspoons as good choice & good price' (we will have a formal meal that we're all going to on the Saturday).

WTF am I - an Fing travel agent?!!😡

I've told DH that I'm taking a break from the school reunion next year & they can sort themselves out.

I've also said that, at least for next year, DH can book our holidays, dog kennels, B&B before/after any flights, train fares etc etc. Which means we will probably spend the rest of our lives going to the same (dog friendly) hotel locally that we visit about 3 times a year out of season & no more foreign holidays.

Do I care? Not really.

AIBU? DH says no I've done enough &, although I'd be missed, fair enough.

Or AIMNBU & should just continue doing it as I'm good at it otherwise why would people ask me to do it year after year?

You don't have to skip the reunion, just refuse to do other people's bookings for them.

This. Man up!

Go to the reunion if you enjoy it and if anyone asks you for the details/to do anything, just reply-'we're staying at Corby Travel lodge from 1-3rd, feel free to plan round that'.

If a person wanted to set themselves up as an assertiveness coach I honestly think they'd be in a position to retire to the Seychelles within five years on MNers alone.

Start today telling anyone who wants to change the arrangements that they will have to do it themselves.

I find it quite odd that they want to leave it to you anyway, I would far rather have the arrangements within my direct control if I were one of the other people going.

Just curious as to how this started in the first place? Is your DH volunteering your admin services to his friends?

You need to put your foot down now, "Hi, sorry I'm too busy to make bookings for everyone these days, here's the website/phone number/email for them though if you want to contact them direct. Looking forward to catching up soon." And, repeat.

(I remember my DH on our 1st ever holiday 25ish years ago taking all these photos of random people at our hotel with his new/first digital camera and getting everyone's email address to send the pictures on. As soon as we got home he assumed I would be the one to download the photos, try and remember which email address belonged to each random person and do all the emailing, not a chance and he never made that mistake again 🤣)

Say that from now on you cannot book for other people, only for yourself. That is fair enough.

Thank you for your responses everyone.

I was having a crisis as everyone's got used to me organising the trips &, frankly it's a pain in the arse organising holidays for DH & me not to mention other people .

I think I'd like a year off from a load of old men talking about Mr X who was a dirty pervert caning boys for spurious reasons & the rest (the school acknowledges this & provides counsellors for the old boys attending reunions/AGM), how they all fancied Mr XX's daughter, how they used to climb out of the windows to smoke on the fire escapes, where they played cricket, used to spend their pocket money, bought ciggies one at a time, had their first pint at the age of 14 etc etc.

I've heard them all over the years & I think that I'll use my little dog as an excuse. DH can go if he wants, but not me in 2026.

its so easu for them to do these days- and since when can you change tickets on a train-unless its a flexi one

they should take reposibilty for their own trips

So you miss out and don't go because you can't stand up to people and say no .
You could find a nice way of saying,your snowed under with work and haven't tie to book for anyone this year

This is exactly what I would do!,

Apart from the physical effort of booking /researching... I just wouldn't want the hassle or feel the responsibility of others booking!

They have just got used to you doing all the donkey work... You're making it wya too easy fir them to take advantage!

Just stop responding to their requests ……. you have created this monster and until you put on the brakes you will be forever wiping its arse!
Share the hotel location by all means but do not follow up on requests to book people in……can’t they use the fucking internet themselves ???
And train tickets?????Why is that your domain? Again, leave it those that want the tickets.

You must know a strange group of people. How did this even start? I can't understand why they'd ask you to book a hotel for them, are they completely incapable of doing that themselves?

I could hire myself out as the voice of No!

$5 per No!

Just contact them all now, say that with all the different arrangements for train, accommodation etc its getting very complicated and therefore it will be far easier if they book their own travel arrangements. Send some links to websites with your round robin style message and leave it at that

You should definitely still go but just don’t do anyone else’s bookings. Tell them early.

Can’t wait for this years trip everyone. Be great to catch-up. About to book mine and Brian’s hotel and train. We are staying in The XYZ Hotel this year. Prices look slightly more than previous years, but not too bad. Will let everyone just crack on and sort their own bookings this year, as it’s much easier and far less hassle that way.

I mean relevant websites for booking trains planes and hotels etc

Forward the booking references to each of the couples and tell them to make any alterations to their schedule themselves this year and in future, you will no longer be the point person for their travel arrangements!

Just say no.
Although you lost me at ex pat - they are immigrants.

Honestly op. People who do all the organising often then get uppity that they do all the organising.
You're a grown woman not a hopeless teen, just use words say on the group chat you're booked at wherever then leave everyone else to do as they wish.

Being a ‘good girl’ just means people end up taking the piss and you’re the one suffering.

It reminds of another lady coincidentally from Cornwall who was very annoyed that her new neighbours <who lived in London but used Cornwall place as a bolthole> kept asking her to check things, to check the roof to check the wind damage send photos etc. This lady was doing it all but fuming yet failed to see she'd go herself into the predicament by not being assertive in the first place.

We kept say just stop replying to messages but she wouldnt yet seethed away!

YANBU! This could actually be me too though OP. I though at first, you were going to say it's in your local area which is why you were lumbered sorting out hotels (not that that should make a difference anyway tbh!) but not!

These friends are beyond cheeky to tell you they need to make all these amendments too - well done for saying no to all of that! I cannot imagine some people and their thought processes that make them think it's OK to ask friends to act like the (un)paid help and sort out their social lives.

I would book myself and my dog into a gorgeous cottage somewhere fabulous next year OP, tell DH he's welcome to go to his reunion but you have other plans!

Blooming heck! I didn't even get to the end of this post! They are taking the p-ss. Just say sorry cannot do, got alot on etc, make up anything you like. Don't do anything! They are not children for goodness sake.

If you’ve been doing this for years without complaint then people will assume that you’re the organiser of the event.

How was it ever easier for you to book anything for other people in the first place?

Send them the website link

And the link to the Trainline app
Done.

I voted YABU because I didn’t understand this:

AIBU? DH says no I've done enough &, although I'd be missed, fair enough.
Or AIMNBU & should just continue doing it as I'm good at it otherwise why would people ask me to do it year after year?

what I meant is I don’t think you should be doing it. But only 7% have voted YABU. So I think I’ve done it wrong.

In my defence, I am very hot and tired.