So pi$$ed off being an unpaid travel agent - warning I'm ranting a bit

[Ilovepastafortea]

DH has an annual school reunion in September some distance from us - we live in darkest Cornwall, the reunion is in the South East (can't say where as could be outing) & we've gone every year for - well ages.

I enjoy it as we meet old friends & it's a chance for DH to catch up with people who he was at school with about 60 years ago. The men go for their AGM, the women sit outside a pub (the weather is generally good) &, frankly we have a good gossip, catch up about GC, what's happening in our lives & probably drink rather more than we would do normally. It's a good weekend & I enjoy catching up with friends who I generally only have contact with via email & the occasional WhatsApp call.

However, somehow I've become the travel agent for about 5 couples & it's in danger of increasing - I'm getting emails from others saying: 'I understand that you're staying at X hotel, would love to join you, can you book us in?'. I'm saying not this year due to pressure of work, granny duties etc.

It's crept up over the years, first I booked (and paid the deposit for) the same hotel that we're staying in for ex-pat friends travelling from abroad, then I booked their trains as easier for me to do as they fly into Heathrow, we can meet at Paddington & travel on from there together meeting the others at St Pancras to travel onwards.

Fast forward a few years & this year I find that I've booked rooms (again paid a deposit for) in the hotel that we're all staying in for 5 couples. Then ex-pat friend can't come as has health condition & can't fly, so cancel his bookings. Not an issue as not his fault. I can cancel & get my deposit back given the circumstances & that lots of notice given.

All friends very good at paying me my deposit back & I have no issues with payments.

Then I get another request from a couple asking if I can move their train ticket from St Pancras as they would like to stop off to visit daughter for a couple of hours while in London. Another saying that they can't be there on the Friday as planned (as looking after GC), but would still like to stay on the Saturday.

Now another has asked if I've booked a family room as her (adult) daughter would like to come. I've said no, only booked double rooms, if they want to change their booking here's the hotel's contact info.

Another asking if I've booked dinner anywhere & specifying that they can't eat spicy food - my answer is 'No I haven't, thought we could go to Wetherspoons as good choice & good price' (we will have a formal meal that we're all going to on the Saturday).

WTF am I - an Fing travel agent?!!😡

I've told DH that I'm taking a break from the school reunion next year & they can sort themselves out.

I've also said that, at least for next year, DH can book our holidays, dog kennels, B&B before/after any flights, train fares etc etc. Which means we will probably spend the rest of our lives going to the same (dog friendly) hotel locally that we visit about 3 times a year out of season & no more foreign holidays.

Do I care? Not really.

AIBU? DH says no I've done enough &, although I'd be missed, fair enough.

Or AIMNBU & should just continue doing it as I'm good at it otherwise why would people ask me to do it year after year?

'I've heard them all over the years & I think that I'll use my little dog as an excuse. DH can go if he wants, but not me in 2026.'

So it's his school reunion? Absolutely let him go alone.

No way would I be doing this! I think you need to be a lot more direct next year and don't imply that you are taking a break - you have stopped doing it and won't be doing it again. When the next one rolls around, send an email in plenty of time saying something like :

"Really looking forward to the reunion again. DH and I will be staying at X hotel as usual. I have now permanently stepped down from making bookings for anyone else - life is busy enough these days! But feel free to join us there : (insert booking link)"

Yes situations tend to evolve. People enjoy the attention and being the organiser, then get tired of being the organiser but daren't say no in case it affects their popularity!

Just send an email stating where you are staying and your travel plans. If anyone wants to join you they can sort it out themselves as you don't have time considering you work and have lots of other commitments. There is absolutely no reason they can't book from Timbuctoo as we all do when we travel abroad.
Lazy feckers! Stop enabling their laziness.

They are LAZY bastards.

Also, i completely understand you not wanting to go next year, apart from all the travel agent crap.
DH goes to school reunions and its bad enough listening to all the exciting "gossip" (that I've heard before) when he gets home. I don't know how you can sit through it all in person! I mean its nice for your DH and they obviously all enjoy it.. but I'm sure you can find a better, more relaxing time for YOU and ditch the travel rep experience at the same time. Good luck.

If you are stuck going this year, why not book an away day mid event at a spa or something ?

It has been many years since it was easier for someone 'local' to book a hotel or train than somebody on the other side of the world. That's what the Internet is for. Next time you are asked to book for someone else, say "I haven't booked yet, get mine as well as your own and I'll transfer the money".

Send an email to everyone 6 months in advance. Passing the baton on this year for someone else to do all the booking. All nominations welcome.

Jesus this made me feel tired just reading it. You’re not being unreasonable at all. They all sounds like cheeky fuckers.

Be careful you don’t end up organising for everyone despite not going yourself!

I really can’t understand why your friends prefer to use you as a middle man than simply book a room themselves. Seems to overcomplicate it to me.

Just tell them it’s better that they book it themselves so if there are any changes etc they can make them.

I'm committed to this year as friends saying how much they're looking forward to seeing me & how grateful they are that I've booked for them.

However I'll be flagging up not to expect me next year & will arrange to stay with particular friends during the year who are willing & able to accommodate our little dog. Personally I'd rather that as we would have the chance to spend quality time with people such as DH's Best Man without distractions.

Thank you all for your contributions.

Busy weekend planned - DH collecting 5 of our GC to stay the weekend as their parents off on a jolly. Have a full weekend planned which starts with a BBQ when they arrive tonight. Only have 2 bedrooms so GC going to sleep over in tents in garden with Gramps keeping an eye out for them (Nanny doesn't 'do' camping & will spend the night in her own comfortable bed LOL!). They so looking forward to camping at Nanny & Gramp's house.

Nanny & Gramps looking forward to them staying as well. We have loads planned for them.

As so many times before on Mumsnet, the first post nailed it. I wouldn’t even send them links because that just reinforces their faulty thinking that you can somehow do this better than other people.

just say you have retired from organising anyone’s travel and look forward to seeing them there.

go on, do it. The more you do it the easier it will get and you will wonder why you ever put up with this nonsense.

as for your own plans, go or don’t go. What ever you want to do.

Enjoy the rest of your life.

If she lost you through one word choice, why (genuinely) are you commenting?

It sounds like the booking has really spiraled. I find "It's probably easier if you book yourself" a good response to people who ask me to book for them.

Next year just say that last year you had a lot of changes to deal with and going forward you can’t manage everyone’s bookings for them. Tell them what train and hotel you are booking and invite them to do the same. No need to skip the event altogether.

You know ex-pat friends can use the internet and book a hotel too.

next time someone asks, just send them the link to where you are staying. They can figure out the rest.

Genuinely not being cheeky or sarcastic here, you say in your first post you dont want to give the location of the reunion as it would be quite outing but in subsequent posts you give a lot of info that I'd assume anyone who knows you would recognise instantly. It jumped out at me so I just wanted to point it out so if necessary you can be more aware/careful in future if you really want to stay anonymous and not have the people your post is about recognise you. ( I'm not someone who knows you dont worry lol)

Anyway to your actual question obviously it's up to you to decide if you want to attend next year for absolutely any reason or even no reason but please dont let not wanting to be used as a TA put you off going, you can and absolutely should say no to booking for everyone else but if you want to go then you should go

YABU, just because there’s no way it should have come to this.

If you can’t say no just be deliberately vague, “sorry Pam, I’ve not got the details here”, “not sure what our plans are yet”, “
we’re playing it by ear this year”, “sorry not sure I think Dave booked it”… all followed by “really don’t wait for me, best if you just go ahead and book for yourself.” And repeat. If they persist ignore or you may just have to say something really direct “really sorry Pam, but I’m under the cosh at the moment with work and kids, best if you just sort your own booking out.”

Cheeky Fs will know the game is up!

I'm not even sure how you even got yourself into this situation.

What a load of CFs.

Just do what you said and tell them to change their own booking!!!

I am organising a work trip to Germany in a couple of weeks. I am responsible for agenda and timings of the work bit and informed others there might be a dinner one night. Beyond giving timings and suggesting the hotel where a colleague and I have booked - the rest are bloody grown ups and can sort themselves. Just say no.

Just sent them dates and links and let them crack on,.

It does not take that much effort in booking somewhere these days so people should be able to book themselves in. Surely they can sort themselves out.

I don’t understand how it’s easier for them to have you booking things – surely that means any changes / requests have to go through you? It just adds a layer of complexity for no benefit. Really bizarre and to echo others I wouldn’t skip a year (unless you really want to stay with the dog) but just say you’ll be sorting your own booking only this year, can’t wait to see them there etc etc.

Get an actual travel agent involved that everyone can book through. That’s what they do and get paid for. It’s literally their job to do what you are doing and doesn’t cost you anything. They get paid through their booking commissions.

I think what you also have to remember, the 5 different couples don’t realise you’re acting as travel agent for the other 4 couples. They don’t appreciate you’re juggling 5 balls, they think it’s just them and they’re simple request