To wish if my orgasms were going to die that my desire for orgasms would die too

[ThatNimblePeer]

I’m early 40s, probably perimenopausal. Had no difficulties with (great) orgasms in my teens and twenties, started a slow slide probably from my mid 30s and around 37 I’d say my sex drive really started to go through the floor. I found it a huge, huge loss of something that had previously brought me a lot of psychological happiness and release, and really grieved it, but as it’s been several years now I suppose I’ve sort of started to get used to it. I find it really hard to orgasm now and even when I do it’s a totally fizzling little blip, more depressing than not having one. I could sort of live with that, what I find massively frustrating is that I still sometimes get the feeling of wanting to come, and remembering what a great orgasm used to feel like, even though I know that the reality won’t be worth the effort. AIBU to think that it’s really unfair to still get this feeling, and that if my orgasms are going to go my desire to orgasm ought to go with them?

Yes can completely relate to this, I had exactly the same thing. I starting taking Menopause Complex by Hey Nutrition and things in that department got a lot better. Maybe not quite back to my 20s levels but a lot more than a damp squib.

How is your pelvic floor? Strengthening it can help.

Hrt helps a lot OP.

I had to fully go through the menopause, come off HRT (I had a coil fitted instead) and they slowly came back. They aren't as multiple as they were and I'm happy with sex only twice a week. So you might find that things improve.

Dedicated kegels, regular masturbation, HRT.

Mine are crap now 😕

I find this is related to stress and overall health. Occasionally I go through a stressful period with a low immune system or feeling run down, and my orgasms suffer - most especially, I find I get those ones that sort of cut off just as they start (so that you get the physiological effects but no actual sensation). When that happens, I know it’s a signal to look after my health a bit - vitamins, more sleep, reducing stress - and then they come back. HRT patches, topical oestrogen and a good vibrator also help. Apparently you have to use it often or the blood flow reduces a lot!

Kegels and HRT.

I started doing regular kegels because I would wake up early needing a wee, so decided to do something about it. After 6 months of daily kegels (steadily built up over time - you mustn't overdo it) and I could easily lie in to 8 without needing to get up. However I also noticed orgasms were improved, nice side benefit.

For you though the cause may not be you pelvic floor, especially if you haven't noticed other symptoms. It could be clitoral atrophy (don't panic). To treat this you will need oestrogen and increase your blood circulation with regular exercise. Masturbation is ideal to increase blood flow directly to the area.

Talk to your doctor, they may even recommend testosterone gel, but only after trying regular hrt first. Don't just let this slide, you're still young and its an important part of your wellbeing.

I've just been refused HRT at least for now as g.p says blood pressure too high, but similar to you I'm incredibly frustrated by the decline but more so by g.p's attitude to it. I want to enjoy sex and intimacy not for it to add to already complicated and depressing perimenopauss.

Sorry to hear you have high blood pressure, obviously its very important to get that fixed as a priority, but very frustrating! Presumably you have been given help to get it down and a timescale on the hrt?

Get your hormone levels checked. You may need HRT. I'm 71 and my sex life is great!!!

Are you on any medication? My libido tanked on anti depressants, and I couldn’t orgasm. It was reason enough for me to swear off them.

A topical oestrogen cream has done wonders since peri menopause started wreaking havoc with everything down below.

Have a chat with your gp.

The obvious question is are you on hrt?

This. I'm on a regime of daily masturbation and hrt. I'm not joking!

No HRT for me (I miss it) after very strong hormonal breast cancer diagnosis and subsequent treatment 2021-22.

I orgasm 3 times out of 10. Most of the time I feel absolutely nothing, which makes me so sad. Will never,ever tell my wonderful, caring lovely partner. When it happens I savour it,

Hopefully in 7 years time when I stop taking my cancer prevention medication I may get my libido back.

Happy for you @Bikergran 😁! It’s nice to know it’s possible. And thanks for all the other helpful replies as well. I’m not on HRT. Think I will ask my GP about it. Pelvic floor exercises have helped in the past when I’ve done them, I’ve got to say I find it a pain having to remember and I wish things would just work! It’s hard to find motivation for masturbation tbh when my orgasms are so crap. I’m being spoilt I guess but I just miss the days when this was all easy and natural and not another set of chores to add to the already endless list. Orgasms used to be a relief from chores, not a chore and a set of tasks in themselves. 😐

I was on ranitidine for acid reflux in my late 30s, while going through a very stressful period at work, and I completely lost my ability to orgasm for about a year. Hard to know if it was partly stress, but I’ve always believed and felt it was the medication. GP looked nonplussed when I told her and said that wasn’t a known side effect. Orgasms did come back slowly a while after I’d come off the medication, but they’ve never been the same really (maybe a very rare one like once a year).

oddly reassuring for me to read this , I’ve experienced exactly the same situation as you and it’s left me feeling abnormal and sad. It’s hard to talk with people about and I think GPs consider it a first world problem (maybe it is?!) I’ve been on HRT for 6 months and haven’t noticed an improvement yet. I’m fit and do kegels even tried hypnotherapy to no avail. Thanks for sharing your experience, hope yours come back too 💕

HRT will definalty help with this, no question x

An inspiration to me (late 50s and worried about losing interest in sex!) Can I ask: Are you still on HRT? Do you intend to take it forever despite the health risks?

On a small dose of daily oestrogen and progesterone. According to my consultant gynaecologist, as long as my blood pressure is good, and any unusual symptoms are dealt with immediately, as long as nothing crops up, he's happy for me to stay on it for life. I have no family history of cancer, and am otherwise fit and well. It has significant advantages in preserving bone and skin density, as well.

It's generally quite crap. I am tired of getting old already. Still, it's better than the alternative I guess!

@BG2015 same.

Its a kick in the teeth following a cancer diagnosis that the one thing everyone raves about to help with peri-menopause and menopause symptoms, you can’t take.

good luck with your ongoing treatment, hope it goes well.

I’m jealous you’ve had so many, I’ve never had one and now mid 40s. But then I can’t grieve what I haven’t lost I guess?

Ooooh excellent thanks.